A Mask in A Mirror: Prologue

This is the prologue to my book, although it can constitute as a short story. Any and all feedback is absolutely invaluable to me!

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lack gowns covering our best outfits and those ridiculously square hats; high school was no more. I say good riddance. My class; we’ve had all of high school that we can take. The black, that was fitting. There’s always one. Everybody has a story about the guy that didn’t make it, he got drunk and ran off the road, maybe he was sober and a drunk driver hit him. Then there are the real sob stories about the guy that everybody picked on; the joke that went too far. My grade was no exception, we had our tragedy.

              Of course, I’m probably generalizing a bit too much when I say that we all were thinking of our loss. Everybody jumps on the bandwagon when somebody dies. Dead people have a lot more friends than the living. Some people lie out of guilt, others like being the center of attention, and some are just easily manipulated into joining the crowd.

            Ah… here it comes. That awful blank. All I want is for Mr. Link to read that name, to wake up and see that it was all just a bad dream. Of course he won’t, my friend isn’t going to appear from behind the curtain. Link pauses for a moment, reading the name that isn’t there. Searching his list with that same forlorn, daydreaming hope. Then he reads on and all of us listen on.

            Listen on in our black robes; gathered like a funeral procession. In our nice clothes; hidden under our black robes. The robes really were fitting. As if the world was forcing us to show our true faces for a change. Hiding away all of that phony spirit that our nice clothes were trying to convey. In a few more minutes we would get to take off our black robes and go back to lying, pretending to be something that we’re not; but until then we are all honest with each other. With our nice clothes hidden under our black robes.

Author's Note

On here, all reviews are appreciated. If anybody is interested in reading the full manuscript please get into contact with me and I'll see about getting you a copy in exchange for a review of the full book. If you have a book and want to trade reviews (giving me a positive review does not guarantee you one and vice-versa) I can look into that as well. Anybody just interested in buying it can find it on Amazon or in the Kindle store on Jan. 18th.

Reviews

[Jolan H]

Here is my deal I like the beginning, but as soon as you said everyone jumps on the bandwagon I was hooked in. I would start there, it has the strongest pull and resonates with the reader because death is an irefutable fact of life. Of course this is style choice and you can disregard this.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Amazing I like this if this is just the prologue then I bet it’s a great book

[Osé Dazo]

You've made one interesting plot there but it didn't catch my attention. I mean, I like the concept but I think you should better start off with a more clever use of words to hook your readers. The idea is great. Really, I love it! :) But it looks a little more vague to me because it lacks more imagery and the feels. I think you have great talent. :) And if you can improve more on that, it'll be a great piece! ^^, Keep writing!

[Rebecca]

Start off with more poignant writing to hook your readers. I'm guessing this is about someone who went to Heaven or Hell. It feels like a plot summary of what your story is going to be about. It's all telling and no showing. no scenes, just a meditation on loss because of a car accident. Write that car accident. Get into the gruesome details. Write how the narrator feels when his car goes wam into another car. :)

[Author Gus]

I appreciate the input, but actually there isn't a car accident! The book deals a lot with teenage depression and a little with religion, but not much.

The bulk of the story revolves around characterization. The pressure of public opinion and the difference between doing the right thing and doing it for the right reasons.

[LaraJane]

I think your prologue is great - intriguing and perceptive. In the final paragraph I was a little distracted by the repetition of words (robes, clothes) and although I understand you may have used this for impact, I feel there could be more poignancy if it were a little more subtle. Good luck with your book!

[Author Gus]

Thank you for the review! I appreciate the encouragement and agree with the repetition. That is actually my pet peeve with writing (I do my best not to use the same adjective more than once for every three pages) so I thought that it might just be me when I wrote it! Good to know I'm not alone!... well I mean, minus the fact that it's published. Haha