You Are My Long-Johns

Theirs, is a different kind of love

She was the one. Blonde hair with a quick curl on the end, and we're talking real blonde, golden locks no hair dye needed. Up front she was doing just fine with plenty of storage in the back. She knew how to dress down too. She didn’t need a fifty-dollar top or bedazzled jeans to look good. A sky-blue tank top and a pair of well-worn and probably homemade daisy dukes that left long stretches of leg exposed all the way down to pair of Convers All-Stars that were running right into Jason’s heart.

“There’s the girl for me.” Jason nodded his head and tipped his Chief’s cap at the blonde as she ran by. The girl gave him a slightly less than encouraging look and kept going.

Jason was sitting on a park bench with a brown bottle in his hand. Beside him sat his long-time friend Sally. She was a big girl, not fat, just big. Sally was the friend he called if he needed to rearrange furniture or throw around a stack of feed sacks. She grew up on a dairy farm in northern Kentucky and had the forearms to prove it. Two years out of high school they had moved to Flordia where they rented an apartment together and did their best to schedule the same college courses.

“Naw, you don’t want a girl like that.” She raised her own bottle to her lips, doing her best to keep the A&W label covered in her hand. They were still a year or so away from being legal alcoholics but way to cool to be seen drinking sarsaparilla out of glass bottles.

Jason snorted and challenged her statement. “And why is that? Seems like she’d do pretty darned well to me.”

Sally leaned back into the bench and looked up at the sky before she answered; trying to convey a wisdom that they were not yet old enough to have the rights too. “Girls like her, they're like clothes straight out of the drier. They're nice and warm when you first put ‘em on but after a little time passes they're just normal clothes, no warmer than anybody else’s.”

Being young and blissfully ignorant Jason missed the slight cough that concluded her statement. Sally being likewise inexperienced failed to understand that her cough was not registered as a hint. So she just raised her bottle once more and pretended like it had been nothing.

Cut to seven months later and we see Jason in a batting cage, swing a bat with all his might. If he ever made contact the ball might just explode but in his effort to hit it hard he was failing to hit anything at all. In the net beside his, Sally was making good contact, sending nearly every pitch right back over the top of the machine.

“Would you calm down over there! That girl ain’t worth getting all worked up about.” She read Jason’s apparent frustration as clearly as if she were reading a familiar book.

Jason finally managed to hit a ball, sending it high into the net behind him as it glanced off the top of his bat. “She wasn’t just another girl! We were together for nearly six months!” It sounded kind of pathetic, but that was by far the longest relationship he had ever held.

Sally hit one last line drive then turned and leaned against her bat. “Oh wooptie-doo. Look Jason, girls like her… well they’re like a pot of chili.  They taste awfully good every now and then but they ain’t nearly as pleasant once you’ve had some time to digest ‘em.”

Jason thought about it a minute, then he looked over at Sally and smiled. “Yeah, you’ve got a funny way of saying it but I guess you're right.” Then he took up his stance and hit a home-run ball. What he didn’t see was Sally turn her head so that he didn’t see her sad smile.

It was Valentine’s day. Jason was walking downtown sulking. He had been alone for yet another romantic holiday. Now he was out to fix that. He examined each and every passerby; scanning the crowd for that perfect match. The girl with just the right temperament to turn his Valentine’s around.

Beside him, as usual, was Sally. She had agreed to come along for much the same reason. As if Sally had ever known what it meant to have a Valentine. Nobody ever paid any mind to the big boned burnet in flannel.

Jason spotted his target. A red head in a tight black cocktail dress. She had the look of girl on the prowl and despite being a solid ten in the playbook of every man she saw, it looked like she would be all too easy. “That, is the solution to my trouble’s of the heart; my friend.”

Sally grimaced behind him. “You’re thinking of the wrong muscle, Jason.” He shrugged and took a step in the direction of his ginger dream. A step taken a second too late as another, more masculine man walked up to the beautiful young girl. Not ready to give up just yet, Jason took three more steps. Then surrendered the case as the girl placed her hands on the man’s chest and burst into giggles.

He had been beaten to the punch. “Shoot.” He snapped his fingers in mock anger. Sally put a hand over her mouth to cover her smile.

“You should thank him you know.”

“Thank him? You mean for stealing my catch?”

“Yes. You don’t want her. She’s the bicycle that everybody wants to ride, but nobody wants in their garage. It’d be too hard to clean her up; fill the tires, grease the wheels, and tighten the chain.” Despite herself Sally couldn’t keep all of the sorrow out of her voice. A little bit of her inner emotion crept into her tone.

Jason turned and saw her wipe away a single tear. She did it quickly, as if she hadn’t expected him to look at her. As if she had expected him to go on scanning the crowd. Looking for that perfect girl.

Unsure if she had been spotted or not, Sally blushed slightly and tried to turn his attention elsewhere. “Anyway, the search goes on…” He was still staring at her. “Oh look, over there, she looks like a shinny new bicycle, still has the training wheels on even…” She met his eyes. “What? Not your type… Maybe that one over there, with the push-up bra…”

Jason raised a hand and put it on her shoulder, in that same friendly way that they always touched. So bland, no different than when he put a hand on the shoulder of his dudes from their high school football team.

 Then his hand curled up, forcing his palm against her cheekbone.  “Nope, you know something Sally? I think I’ve just found that girl you’re always talking about. She’s like a motorcycle, the prize every man wants in his garage. She doesn’t need fixing very often, but when she does break down she needs a man to repair her. Sweeter than a cheery cheese cake.” He leaned in close, putting his lips inches away from hers, he whispered so that she could barely hear him. “Sally, you are my long-johns, getting warmer the longer I wear them.”  Then he kissed her.

Author's Note

Let's get some reviews rolling on here; I've never met a stranger so don't be shy!

Reviews

[J.M.Fields]

Hey! I can tell you like metaphors! As do I, I found this very simple and sweet. Especially the explanation of the title at the end. If I may (my apologies if I over step) suggest in the slightest of tweaking. I'm not talking about grammatical errors, trust me that's not my forte; but perhaps the rhythm. It's rather enjoyable and funny. Though you could leave a little more to the imagination. Instead of a direct reveal. It seemed a wee forced at the end. Also maybe check the pacing and repetition. But overall a few quick tweaks and you got yourself a darn good, enjoyable, short short story! And a wonderful title.

[Author Gus]

Not over stepping at all, there is nothing more valuable to an author than creative input, I appreciate your thoughts!

[Luther Calvin]

I really enjoyed reading this story. The characters are likable, the metaphors are new and also understandable, and the plot was heartwarming. I'm struggling to find things to say about it, as J.M. Fields already said everything I was going to say. Good job, and keep writing.

[KTizzle]

I loved it. There were a few grammatical errors like here, "Girls like her, their like clothes straight out of the drier." "their" should be "they're." and here, "“Yeah, you’ve got a funny way of saying it but I guess your right."" "your" should be "you're"

I felt like a dash could go here instead of a period in this sentence, "He examined each and every passerby; scanning the crowd for that perfect match. The girl with just the right temperament to turn his Valentine’s around."

Felt like this could be revised because it didnt read very smooth, "As if Sally had ever known what it meant to have a Valentine. Nobody ever paid any mind to the big boned burnet in flannel." Perhaps like this, "Sally had never known" and take off the "as if"

this sentence was a bit unclear, "She had the look of girl on the prowl and despite being a solid ten in the playbook of every man she saw, it looked like she would be all too easy" more specifically, "being a solid ten in the playbook of every man she saw, it looked like..." perhaps remove "of every man she saw."

Felt like this was a little weak, "She read Jason’s apparent frustration as clearly as if she were reading a familiar book."

Felt like this could have been less vague, "Despite herself Sally couldn’t keep all of the sorrow out of her voice. A little bit of her inner emotion crept into her tone." What inner emotion? Was it just sorrow, or sorrow and bitterness, resentment?

and finally, " Sweater than a cheery cheese cake" I think you meant to spell "sweeter."

on a personal note, I don't like the way this came out, "She doesn’t need fixing very often, but when she does break down she needs a man to repair her" but that could just be my personal views coloring that.

Despite all that, I think this was really cute! I thought the comparisons were funny and I liked the storytelling.

Awesome write.

-Jazz

[Author Gus]

Thanks for the review!

[Author Gus]

For anybody who is reading this review: Jazz Lover gave some great input and I have been through and corrected my grammatical errors. I promise she's not crazy!