Living Like

Living Like

 

When I was,

Just about fourteen years old,

I started actually writing.

So with that said……

 

I’m back at it again, mind do loops, I’m going through a bend, wading through a river of blood and all I need is a friend, feeling like I’m sinking, I’m starting to descend, down a path I’m never coming back from, feeling that things are a bit too intense, and in the end, I’ll be my everything and everyone, and nobody else will comprehend, it’s this goal I am chasing, and people might hate it, I just don’t think they can judge for they did not create it...

 

I’m living like I’m fourteen,

I’ll take my days with my dreams,

Things are different, life isn’t as it seems,

And I feel trapped like I’m only part of a machine,

I’ll just keep living like I’m fourteen,

It’s so hard to choose between…..

 

Now I am starting a new expansion, flushing away of everything I use as a distraction, feeling that things are becoming too much, I need to take action, need to go ahead with this, that old life is the kind of life I need to abandon, this is full on crazy everybody, use your glasses, nevermind how you truly see me or what I’ve been through, ignore my status, just know I’m going to keep writing stuff like this and ride this ship till it sinks like I am a captain, I know it’s so hard to imagine, me showing no compassion, I guess it’s back to what I know, back to lashing out and now I feel like I am crashing...

 

I’m living like I’m sixteen,

I’ll take my days with my dreams,

Things are different, life isn’t as it seems,

And I feel trapped like I’m only part of a machine,

I’ll just keep living like I’m sixteen,

It’s so hard to choose between…

 

I’m full of surprises, how could I describe this, never too late to realize, how far I’ve begun to think about my own demise, and now I have a place to devise, no respect for these lines, nobody has a clue of what I’m going through but they’re always ready to criticize, suppose I should speak out more often, because now it’s me you have forgotten, walking around hoping I take a chest full of buck shot, how long until it’s you guys that I haven’t got, ‘cause I like to act like a hot shot with a free thought, I like to spark and strike like a megawatt, you read what I write and you’ll get quite the shock, I think I’ve got a case of writer’s block so let’s cut the small talk, let’s say something deep and if we can’t think of anything we’ll let the clock tick tock, you can’t hush me now, I’m just getting started, and you can’t block my path, my road remains forever uncharted…

 

I’m living like I’m eighteen,

I’ll take my days with my dreams,

Things are different, life isn’t as it seems,

And I feel trapped like I’m only part of a machine,

I’ll just keep living like I’m eighteen,

It’s so hard to choose between…

 

I think it’s time I go back to the basics, ever since I started writing I’ve risen and I’ll take it, met people who said what I write isn’t true, some say I fake this, everything, everytime, everywhere, I want to tell my story and I do want to make it, been a few years since I’ve been at this, been through hell since the age of six, eyes looking into the light for some sort of oasis, but it’s not there, and now I have to warn you to not interrupt, my glass is half empty, or maybe a half full cup, I keep taking baby steps, it’s been a couple weeks since I slept, decently, reason with me, I’m still just an adept, and I can’t even begin to talk about all the secrets I’ve kept, all the reasons I’ve wept, but I can speak about what I’ve come to affect, and I don’t mind the criticism, for it’s the only thing i will gladly accept..

 

Lines and lies,

I’ve watched as time goes by,

Where came from how and what from who,

And that’s just why I hide…

 

Now let’s rewind thirteen years, back when I had no true clue why I was here, don’t try to say that this isn’t real, really you have no clue how I feel, how I have to deal with what I have to seal away, these fears, a kid whose life was torture for years, fond memories of angry memories and nights filled with tears, all I could believe in was rope, letting my head hang loose in the gape of a noose, but the reason I didn’t choose that happy ending is because I thought it’d be selfish of me, what I did instead was jot all of my thoughts in my notepad, making my life feel a little bit less sad, a little bit less mad, a little less lost, but was writing about it a good idea, and what was the cost…

 

Lines and lies,

I’ve watch as time goes by,

How came from who and what came from where,

And that’s just why I hide…

 

Addicted to these drugs, addicted to this love, throughout the war in my head I try to remain the white dove, I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and people judge me, giving me their takes, they say I’m the type of guy to lie under oath, I try to multitask, I try to do both, but how can I do that when all I can do is float, I can’t swim and I’m on a shaky old boat, I’m out at sea, and out to see if my life is mine, lost in a wack state of mind, maybe I can make my worth writing these lines, maybe it’s my life I have to find because they keep telling me I’m the only one that can do this, I’m one of a kind, I really don’t understand though, I don’t know what to say, but I’ll just speak it and write it on my way.

 

Lines and lies,

I’ve watched as time goes by,

Who came from where and how came from what,

And that’s just why I hide...

 

I’ll finish up with this: I’m just a little bit twisted, if you learn this, teach this, hold this, keep this, a shy man’s silence won’t quiet this, don’t try to predict my actions, this is what I am left with, lost in my own feelings, closing curtains, door with railings, jailing me in the current condition of failing, I’ll keep clearing a path through time, where I’ll end up is constantly being redefined, a path that I must trust in I’ve walked but this time I’m blind.

 

I’m living like,

Lines and lies,

I’ll take my days with my dreams,

I’ve watched as time goes by,

Things are different, life isn’t as it seems,

Something came from nothing, and anything came from something,

And I feel trapped like I’m only part of a machine,

And that’s just why I hide,

I’ll just keep living like,

It’s so hard to choose between...

(Fin.)