Without Warning

Without Warning

 

You left without warning,

Gone to the world in a peaceful needle coma,

I didn’t get the call this morning,

I got it last night,

That way it wouldn’t ruin a brand new day, but a whole damn week,

This month, I want it to be over,

This year, I need it to go quicker,

Today, today is taking its sweet time picking me apart.

You committed an act most would deem selfish,

But I know you did it for the right reason,

You had this pain and that pain needed to be nipped in the bud,

Before it consumed you whole.

You drowned it with yourself,

Like jumping on top of a grenade with your chest,

Hoping that you yourself are enough to hold the shrapnel,

And you did a damn fine job.

What you left was a corpse,

A place where you resided.

You left me a note,

I can only hope that someday I will come to understand it,

But for right now it is merely a blur of calmly written fate,

I can’t see through my tears,

Because while they are there,

They simply won’t fall.

They are gravity defying,

My tears like your spirit,

Refusing to bend to the rules of the world,

Your spirit floats higher because it is free,

My tears stay within my sorrowful wells,

Because I wish I could be much more masculine.

My vision shouldn’t be clouding up at all,

As a man I should just accept what has happened has happened,

That I cannot grieve for too long because society expects it to be okay,

I went to school today,

On less than two hours of sleep,

A slight hangover,

And puffy eyes.

A teacher asked me,

“Why are you even here?”

Because if I don’t come to school,

I am looked down on,

I am weak, I am out of my routine,

That I am not strong enough to admit my world has become dark,

That my mind has wanted me to tear off limbs with blades,

That this depression is getting the best of me.

And yes it is.

Why, oh why, has the world forgotten you?

You are just another light bulb that winked out,

Now you must be disposed of,

Either in the trash or to be recycled.

Another star that has suddenly blown up,

The universe swallowing what was once there.

Without warning,

I woke up mourning,

Yet I opened my eyes,

And I lived another day.

This morning,

Your bed was made perfectly,

A bed with the most gorgeous mahogany,

The shiniest brass handles,

The most comfortable pillows,

And you got to sleep in today.

The world could not bug you anymore.

Rest quietly,

And some day,

Perhaps soon,

Perhaps far away,

I will see you again,

Without warning.