My Puppet Master

its about a girl i feel deeply for

I’m stricken

With ecstasy

As you pull me

Along your strings

Peacefully you move me

My sweet puppeteer

I grove to thee

Moving me

With the glide of your hand

I’m at your will

Your every command

You move me along

To the beat of my hearts song

And to it you dance

With such grace

In with our without my strings

I will follow at my own pace

Oh my puppet master

How is it

That everyday

The only way

For a smile to cross my face

Would be the thought of yours

With all its majestically grace

Why is it I am so drawn to thee

Is it beauty

No

Could it be love

I don’t know

More likely lust

But what I put my money on

Is your personality

Your openness

How you can look past the body

And see whom a person really is

And not

What everyone thinks them to be

Oh my sweet puppeteer

Won’t you be with me

Author's Note

Reviews pls

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

my hearts should be my heart's
The line 'in with our without my strings' makes no sense
majestically should be just majestic

Okay, moving on beyond that, you have an interesting little poem here, that I have two complaints with. The form you use works somehow, but when you have short stocky lines like you do, you need to make sure you watch what you put in them. The first four lines stumble a bit because you've essentially broken up what should be two lines into four, and done so in the wrong places so that it's halting instead of natural. Just read it aloud (remembering to pause at the end of a line) and you'll see what I mean.

The other one is the question of lust. You talk about it at the end as a likely explanation (though not the most likely) and there's nothing in the rest of the poem that conveys that. Control and command aren't sexual unless you want them to be, and your tone doesn't show that at all. You don't really need to change this, but I just thought you should know it sticks out a little as a "where did he get THAT from?" moment.

Clean up the spelling and reconsider the opening at the very least anyway.

[Lilly]

fantastic piece - so heartfelt

[The Last Poetic King]

Nice job on this, good metaphor and such. Keep the work ah going.

[victoria]

i lovee this. the entire idea of the poem was amazing, and the metaphor was wonderful. along with that, the flow was very very good. overall, it was beautiful :)

[clemon73]

Great job. I love the metaphor.

[Katie]

This is amazing. I love the layout and the feel of this poem. I love the question between love and lust. Great job.

[HorrorMaster]

I thought it was good. :)

[c.m.]

This is like a speech of the heart. It's beautiful in every way and I absolutely loved it. Very nice work.

[LisetteCanWrite!]

This spoke volumes freely flowing from your heart.. you sound drawn to someone who is beautiful in the one way I admire.. PERSONALITY... to be able to see past the outer shell is not easy! You question if it's lust or just something about them.. well it's most likely a mix.. attraction can be funny and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. that's what I got from this.

This was one of the best I have read from you.. it's universal and tells people to not be afraid to look a little closer before judging which takes time in reality.. love and friendship even should not be a carnival ride.. and that's a great message!

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is truly a special bond. I enjoyed the read.
Nice work.

[Rachael]

This is so sweet. I really like it.
one thing, I don't understand this line: In with our without my strings

Other than that, the rhymes put in there add to the poem, and the overall story of it is nice.