My Puppet Master

its about a girl i feel deeply for

I’m stricken

With ecstasy

As you pull me

Along your strings

Peacefully you move me

My sweet puppeteer

I grove to thee

Moving me

With the glide of your hand

I’m at your will

Your every command

You move me along

To the beat of my hearts song

And to it you dance

With such grace

In with our without my strings

I will follow at my own pace

Oh my puppet master

How is it

That everyday

The only way

For a smile to cross my face

Would be the thought of yours

With all its majestically grace

Why is it I am so drawn to thee

Is it beauty

No

Could it be love

I don’t know

More likely lust

But what I put my money on

Is your personality

Your openness

How you can look past the body

And see whom a person really is

And not

What everyone thinks them to be

Oh my sweet puppeteer

Won’t you be with me

Author's Note

Reviews pls

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

my hearts should be my heart's
The line 'in with our without my strings' makes no sense
majestically should be just majestic

Okay, moving on beyond that, you have an interesting little poem here, that I have two complaints with. The form you use works somehow, but when you have short stocky lines like you do, you need to make sure you watch what you put in them. The first four lines stumble a bit because you've essentially broken up what should be two lines into four, and done so in the wrong places so that it's halting instead of natural. Just read it aloud (remembering to pause at the end of a line) and you'll see what I mean.

The other one is the question of lust. You talk about it at the end as a likely explanation (though not the most likely) and there's nothing in the rest of the poem that conveys that. Control and command aren't sexual unless you want them to be, and your tone doesn't show that at all. You don't really need to change this, but I just thought you should know it sticks out a little as a "where did he get THAT from?" moment.

Clean up the spelling and reconsider the opening at the very least anyway.

[Sean M. Addams]

very creative and deep piece... liked this alot and thought you did great on it..awesome job!!!

[Subjective Sanity]

LOVE IT!

[jhed]

aww..how cute..I like this poem..the writing was good..Job well done ! keep it up!!

:)

[Stammers]

Really nice, seemed to work without effort, usually I hate the use of 'thee' in modern writing, but I don't want to slap you in the face for it, so good job :p

some great lines, love the extended metaphor, tastefully written, well executed, keep writing you really are good.

[Keevan]

impressive and very emothinal. i loved it :)

[deeps]

This is quite the impressive write.
I like the emotion in this.
This is very well written.

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

this is a great write, Austin:)

[Theresa]

What a great poem. I love the metaphor very creative. I also like the fact that you state that the reason you are dragged in is more then the beauty of the person but because of the personality and openness. That is beautiful within itself. Nicely done.

[Charles]

I really like the theme here and the way the whole thing seems to glide along, like the puppet (making the whole poem a metaphor, I guess). At the very onset, you set up the scenario nicely by referring to the strings as belonging to the puppetmaster, whereas some people (me included) might think of the strings as belonging to the puppet) - nice twist. Even the internal dialogue toward the end helps establish the subvervient position of the puppet. A few comments: in line 7 I think you want groove not grove, line 13 heart's rather than hearts, and something may be missing in line 16 (read it and see what you think). Great job on this writing!

[Crimson Rose]

lovely metaphor