My Puppet Master

its about a girl i feel deeply for

I’m stricken

With ecstasy

As you pull me

Along your strings

Peacefully you move me

My sweet puppeteer

I grove to thee

Moving me

With the glide of your hand

I’m at your will

Your every command

You move me along

To the beat of my hearts song

And to it you dance

With such grace

In with our without my strings

I will follow at my own pace

Oh my puppet master

How is it

That everyday

The only way

For a smile to cross my face

Would be the thought of yours

With all its majestically grace

Why is it I am so drawn to thee

Is it beauty

No

Could it be love

I don’t know

More likely lust

But what I put my money on

Is your personality

Your openness

How you can look past the body

And see whom a person really is

And not

What everyone thinks them to be

Oh my sweet puppeteer

Won’t you be with me

Author's Note

Reviews pls

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

my hearts should be my heart's
The line 'in with our without my strings' makes no sense
majestically should be just majestic

Okay, moving on beyond that, you have an interesting little poem here, that I have two complaints with. The form you use works somehow, but when you have short stocky lines like you do, you need to make sure you watch what you put in them. The first four lines stumble a bit because you've essentially broken up what should be two lines into four, and done so in the wrong places so that it's halting instead of natural. Just read it aloud (remembering to pause at the end of a line) and you'll see what I mean.

The other one is the question of lust. You talk about it at the end as a likely explanation (though not the most likely) and there's nothing in the rest of the poem that conveys that. Control and command aren't sexual unless you want them to be, and your tone doesn't show that at all. You don't really need to change this, but I just thought you should know it sticks out a little as a "where did he get THAT from?" moment.

Clean up the spelling and reconsider the opening at the very least anyway.

[r]

I'm sure whoever you wrote this for was encouraged about the closeness of your relationship by this write. very passionate.

[Sam Severn]

Whoa!! Dude, this poem is absolutely freakin' FANTASTIC! I love the "my sweet puppeteer" lines, n' though I am not certain I know what you are saying in many parts of this, it truly doesn't bother me cuz it's like a song, n' I get swept away in your words like a melody in my head.....

Looking forward to reading more by you, Hippy! You RAWK!! ㋡

[Signet]

I like the poem very very much. It creates a picture of pure love and emotions as it flows really smoothly. Amazing.
Keep writing.
Ankita

[Kristen]

I like the flow and rhythm of this poem, it kept me reading till the end. Good write!

- S.T.

[A.Lee]

This is great! I loved the structure to it. Kept you interested the whole way through.

[Corvus]

Aw, so beautiful. Nice to think that it's about true love and romance, without being cheesy. Wish boys would do that kind of thing for me xD She must be very lucky.

[Cody Wiggins]

coolness

[alison13]

this is quite amazing. i like it. great job.. :)

[JenLyn]

Very nice write, it flowed well, the rhyme scheme was nice, it's very creative and I think a lot of people can relate to it. We've all been a puppet on string to someone but unfortunately it usually turns out bad because you give them all the control and they take advantage of you finally leaving you alone and broken. I really liked this piece though. Great write! Keep it up! :)