Tainted are Their Trees of Love

they are two lovers that refuse to let go

Bound to this earthly plane

By false love with nothing to gain

They say they love each other

But it died long ago

 

They remain together

For there’s nowhere else to go

They don’t want this love to die

 

They only wish to fly back

These hands of time

To pick from the tree of love

Their fresh fruits that had once grown

 

But the tree's roots have been tainted

On eroding soil it grows

To save this tree

One must rewind time

But love's hour glass only falls one way

And no matter how hard they try

They can't turn back these sands of time

In unless their glass was full of sand

They will never take love's warm hand again

 

So they are bound by these chains of false love

Til they decide

to break their shackles

And warm these hearts

Frozen by their search

For love that once was

Author's Note

let me hear what you think i really like this peice but its up to you to decide if its good

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

This is a poem that merits a couple of reads. It took me three tries to figure out what you meant by false love. Aside from that, it's very well written and elegant. I especially like the line:

"But loves hour glass only falls one way"

Which leads me nicely into me one complaint: stupid mistakes. You have at least half a dozen scattered throughout this poem, let's see what I can find so you can fix them. I will list the line number and what the correct word(s) should be. I leave it to you to do the rest.

Line 6: Nowhere
Line 12: tree's (or trees')
Line 13: soil (not strictly a mistake, but that sounds better)
Line 16: love's, hourglass
Line 18: can't
Line 19: their
Line 20: love's
Line 22: Til (this one gets EVERYBODY. Just remember til is short for until and until only has one L)

Oh, one other thing. Line 19, the one about glasses full of sand, makes no sense. You've got a word wrong somewhere in there, I think. Still, a four star effort. Or, if you prefer, since it's Olympic season, this gets a bronze XD

[MagiCrystal]

I can sing the music ... you are a genius.. despise what others viewers say... you are a genius.. xxx

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Hippy,

From the last time that I reviewed you, you've grown quite a bit. It shows in your beginning lines "Bound to this earthly plane by false love with nothing to gain."

Nothing is wrong with the flow, even though it does frequently grown and decline in meter. Grammatically, I noticed a few places where I'd change up a few things. In the fourth line, "But that well dried up a long time ago." I would reword it to describe what the "it" is. The emphasis of the poem considers the "it." It's a beautifully orchestrated poem. Remember to not capitalize the beginning of each line. Add commas, periods, apostrophes, colons, quotations, brackets, parentheses, semi-colons, and marks where appropriate.

I would reword line six, "because there's nowhere left to go." Line seven, "this" should be "their." Line nine, "these" should be "through the." I think that these set of lines from eight-ten should add too commas, "They only wish to fly back(comma) through the hands of times(comma) to pick from the tree of love. "Their fresh fruits that once have grown but the tree's roots have been tainted." I think the first line should be revised, "There once used to be fresh fruits that had grown" and then "but since then, the tree's roots have grown tainted."

Alright, sorry for all the grammatical errors exploited. Some of them are opinionated, so use righteous judgment to discern which ones you want to use. I'd think this poem would do better in stanzas, but not four-line stanzas. This is a nice poem! I really enjoyed! I'll be adding this to my reading list because I really did enjoy it that much. I loved the rhyme. Experiment with repetition some. 9.3/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Angelheaded Hipster]

Its a decent write...it flowed well enough, and it tells a sad tale of love dried up. The couple could always separate....but if they truly were still in love with each other, they can unthaw themselves with getting to know each other again.
Its never easy to let a dead relationship go.

[Lilly]

I have to agree - this is great. Really beautiful too. Great work here.

[Katie]

You have such raw beautiful talent. I love how you told the story so imaginative and fresh. Great job.

[DBURKE]

Wow this was great! A beautifully written masterpeice that tells a great story of many relationshops via marriage or dating - I love the lines
"By false love with nothing to gain
They say they love each other
But it died long ago
They remain together
For there’s no where else to go"
Those lines alone summed it all up! Great poem

[The Last Poetic King]

pretty good, looks like it is missing something. Yet that is just cause I am an-other artist who sees my work within others. So overall I enjoyed it.

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

well i think its amazing, another one of my faves

[c.m.]

Beautiful. Very well written. I loved it. You have real talent.