Leave the Arts in School

i had a creative wrighting activity in school and the topic made me real emotional(pissed) and i wrote a fair amount in the short time (5-10 mins)

here was the prompt

Wright a pesuasive essay on the importance of the fine art progarms being continued or why they should be eliminated.(that word in the same sentence as the fine arts pissed me off)clearly state your ideas and support them in an essay

 

     The fine arts are extremely important in todays schools now more than ever. To eliminate them in schools would cause the arts altogether to weaken. Those who are gifted in the arts will grow much slower and in general the art of the coming generations will slow in its growth. It would only hurt the economy more than it already is to take the art from those who will one day grow to be a musician or artist or wrighter ect.

     People who would be gifted in the arts would have to learn all the techniques all on their own keeping them from reaching there potential earlier in life and depriving them of possible techniques that they may never learn. Many who would grow to be an artist of any profession could even more easily fall out of the arts. Over the past 2000 plus years we have been growing in the arts through it being in our schooling, to take the arts out now would tremendously slow this growth forcing studets to learn all thats been taught to our forefathers  to be learned on the individuals own causeing these gifted individuals to grow slower in what one day could be their profession. The arts even hold many career opportunities directly and indirectly and with the economy as it is we need these jobs not just for the artist but for the technition the publishers and inventers even. We need these jobs to help the world grow as a whole if you take the arts out now where will people go to learn music to read or write poetry and so forth.

     The arts in schools are necessary for gifted individuals to better themselfs and better the world with music,art and poetry. If we take it out of school now then all the progress we made as people as a whole in the past 2000 plus years will be halted. So i ask u now leave the arts let music ring, us sing, let us write let there be art!

Author's Note

give your opinions i feel strongly towards mine and screw all these taxes it wouldnt be half as bad if the school didnt waste money to make it look good to the outside eye the money should go for our education not expansion of the school and hell even to the teacher

Reviews

[Calypso]

I agree with what you say.
I believe we need to give every child a chance to realize what they can do creatively (which everyone can). So thus we should keep art in the schools.

[Stephen Scaggs]

This isn't really a poem, but I do agree with your message. Post this as a blog. Blogs are located on your home page with your news feed. You should see a tab "Blogs." Post this here instead. Do not use lowercase I's and abbreviations like u. You have a better impact on your reader when you type formally. In addition to the grammatical errors Angelheaded found, here are some others. In the fourth stanza: themselfs - themselves. Space after each comma. Add a comma after "If we take it out of school now." In every If-then statement which is what I was just talking about, you'll need a comma right before the then. Remove redundancy like "as a whole" in the third line of stanza three since you are talking to people in general. Instead of saying "in the past 2000 plus years" just say "then all the progress we have made as people since the beginning of time will be hurt severely." Sorry about my writings if they seem offensive. I wouldn't review you if I didn't like 'ya. (In the non-gay way, lol.) And the last line could be reworded, "So I ask you now, please leave the arts in school: teach us how to make music ring, teach us how to sing, teach us how to write, teach us how to express our art." If you want, I can go through here and send you a message of all the typos. 9.4/10.

You're a very gifted writer and if you keep writing, you will see how gifted you really are. Just don't be discouraged and let other writers get under your skin. Check out my poem, "Instrument of the Soul" for how I feel about poetry. Also, I'd like to add to my critique that if you select all of your text and justify it, (meaning there won't be any space on the right side after you break from a line) it'll look better.

Good job and keep writing.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Angelheaded Hipster]

I spotted some typos...lets get those shined up.

there-their
wrighter-writer
there-their
oppertunitys- opportunities
nessicary-necessary

Now, thats out of the way...I can tell you are passionate about this. As anyone invested into the arts should be. It is a sad thing, because this is happeneing across the nation. Schools are losing their funding, and it seems like there is no end in sight.
Clean this up, shine it, and send it to to your newspaper.