Tower of Black Bricks

fact of me destroying a relationship with a lack of trust but wishing not to feeling like i could be being lied to but will never know

Her words could speak a truth or a lie, for it will not ease my troubled mind

For I've already set my foundation of stone, black bricks stacked ever so high

Towering toward the sky, for when they tumble I'll never kno for I cannot watch her with my own eye

I worry for her day and night wondering.. pondering.. simply causeing my own demise

I see me building my tower of black, blocking the sunlight from my path wishing to tear these black bricks from the sky, so i could see the light

Wishing only to tell her truth from lie

Author's Note

Its ok i want to change a few things but im simply lost on what to do give ur opinion and be honest im sure there will be sum changes

Reviews

[Angelheaded Hipster]

Her words could speak a truth or a lie,
it will not ease my troubled mind
I've already set my foundation,
black bricks stacked ever so high

(see what Ive done here with what youve given? A great reviewer taught me the stripping trick. Strip, strip and strip! And...bricks and stone are different things. Lets go with ...black bricks, and take out stone altogether here

Towering toward the sky,
when they tumble I'll never know
I cannot watch her with my own eye

(Okay, we're cutting out the repetition now...its getting tighter, and Im beginning to like it more, see the difference?)

I worry for her day and night
wondering, pondering
causing my own demise
(More stripping, strip and tighten and tweak)

I see me building my tower of black,
blocking the sunlight from my path
wishing to tear these black bricks
from the sky, so i could see the light

(Just broke the lines down like this, I like this part)

Wishing to tell her
a truth from lie

So there we go. Nice and clean, tweaked and stripped. I like the piece. A lot of people can relate to this...building and tearing down walls out of fear of rejection/acceptance. Keep writing and practicing!

[AB]

All I know is that I like it.