I Wish I Had Never Seen The Sun

Darkness is all I crave
After I've been turned
I can't seem to stay away
I crave your flesh more than ever
I'm shaking of starvation
My eye sockets have sunk
My body is being drained of energy
Everything is heightened
I can sense your fear
I can hear you weep from rooms away
The light seeps through the cracks
Time is running out as life slips through my veins
I found you
You tried to hide
Nothing can stop me
I have no humanity
Now you are my key to survival
In a different meaning than before
Your blood has nourished me
I feel your tears as I drain your body of life
It's all over
What once was my everything is now nothing
I wished I had never seen the sun
Now I wish I could meet the sun 

Author's Note

My very first piece of writing, I'm only 16. I have no knowledge of poetry format, etc. I just write. Thanks! I'd love feedback.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

I love the dark and exotic feel to this piece. Your descriptive flow easily brings us into a moment of need and rejoicement. Very much a vampirical nature, yet I'll make it fun by imagining someone sucking the life out of a Capri Sun drink after having lived off water and bad coffee in the woods for a month. :P

In anycase. I liked the piece and it was enjoyable to read! Thanks for sharing your ink.
Aaron - Wolfwind

[Aurora Bess]

Haha yes I could imagine that too! Thanks for the nice words!

[Wolfwind]

You're welcome!

[ron]

I love the poem. Im writing a vapire novle and this is a wonderfull peice to think about to give me inseration while I write more.

[Aurora Bess]

Cool, I'm glad it inspired you a little!

[ron]

Your welcome and thank you.

[Rose of many colours]

Wow...That's great for starters. I am not strong in the English language much less for poetry formatting..But I write as well and since I have joined writers cafe. I get a lot of reviews and I am encouraged. ....

[Aurora Bess]

Thank you so much!! It encourages me too!

[Cassie]

This is good, at only 16 you are good and the I also have no format of poetry but I write too and I love what i read from you

[Aurora Bess]

Thanks, I'll be sure to checkout your stuff! I'm glad you liked it!

[zainul]

Your first is laced by winning ribbons.
The narration gives me goosebumps.
Wish you great success here and elsewhere.

[Aurora Bess]

Thank you very much!

[zainul]

You are most welcome,Aurora.:)

[chandlerl]

Great first attempt but...no JKING. That is an amazing poem =)
Your detail and grotesque diction really set the mood for this and the title is very fitting.

[Aurora Bess]

Wow I'm so glad you liked it! :)

[Hanna McGivern]

This is a fabulous poem!! It is so dark and the desperation comes through really well. You have so many concrete images that I can visualise this person on the brink of life. You have a very strong voice, I think it doesn't matter you don't know about poetry format because this poem is perfect as it is.

[Aurora Bess]

Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

[Rene Velez]

a dark one, vampire-ish in a sense, it's ok for a first poem, though I would concentrate the write a bit more "My eye sockets have sunk" Example: "eye sockets sunk"...give it a tighter read so to speak.

[Aurora Bess]

I was actually quite iffy about that sentence to be honest! So thank you for the help!