A Fire Inside

Sometimes you just want to let it take control.

Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated that I can feel it inside me. All this tension burns under my skin. It itches and crawls along and just makes me angrier because there's this THING that wants out, but I can't let it out. I can't let it out because then I might just keep letting it out. And I'd just go on screaming and ranting and crying and clawing, clawing forever at my face because it wants out so very badly that I need to rip at myself to let it go. Sometimes I really go bring my nails to my face, just to feel them drag down towards my throat. It makes it a little better, even though the rest of me is still raging. My arms are bad, I can feel it in my arms. It pulls at my joints, in my shoulders and knees, threatening to rip at the seams and escape. And in my chest, but it's always in my chest. Pulsing and slowly burning, just hot enough that I always, always feel it. I'm always angry, I'm always frustrated.

That's why it's so bad when someone makes me really mad. I have to fight myself to make sure I don't fight them, because maybe it's not all their fault. Maybe they don't deserve to have me fly at them, all claws and anger; so because I need to tear apart something when I get that bad, it might as well be me.

And then as quickly as it flares up, it ebbs. I hate it when it dies down a little; sometimes I need that anger strong in me. Letting it go without a fight is like disappointment. Like being tired in class, and the teacher keeps telling you to take notes. Or at work, all you want to do is sit down and breathe, but your boss keeps giving you more and more menial chores. Or sex, without an orgasm. It's always building up and building up more, and then it has nowhere to go but back into my chest, and my whole body knows it's gone and almost misses it.

Anger Sucks.

Author's Note

Submitted for the Feeling contest.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I can relate, being a life-long hot-head as I am. Sometimes anger is appropriate and helpful, but most of the time, it's not. It makes us do things that we're later sorry for--at least that's been my experience. This is a well-written piece, Nicole.

[Antonio Valentino]

Anger, passion, anxiety, restlessness, it is hard to control, well for me anyway. But thats just who I am. I always have this nervous energy, that keeps my mind reeling like a movie projector that starts flapping at the end of the movie. I'm used to it though, I guess because its always been that way, and thats okay, I make it work by harnessing this endless raw power, but it can be a kind of a curse sometimes, when you just feel like you need to write one more, do one more project at work, see one more sunset, before it all ends.

Wonderful write Nicole. Nice to know others can feel the same way.
Antonio

[Oxford]

Sounds like you have a little wolf in you ... ride it, sometimes keeping self hole is better than not.
I'm inspired by this one.