Chapter 6, Part 1 - Dawn

Deadlines are coming up and Dawn realizes how fast time is passing.

            I had three college applications to turn in; Rutgers, Rider, and Monmouth, my New Jersey schools. Universities surrounding Pennsylvania were safe, but I didn’t want to go to state schools lest I end up with a bunch of kids from Juniper. High school all over again, or should I say, hell on earth. Not for me, thank you very much. I was looking forward to a clean slate at college, where nobody knew me, nobody knew of my quietness or my intelligence or my tendency to be lethal in a debate, and couldn’t conjure up such petty reasons to ignore me.

Maybe that was just kidding myself, assuming that college students would be any more mature than they were in high school. And maybe it wasn’t my personality that turned people off. Asia had once told me that the first thing she noticed about me was the way I looked, but then, Asia is materialistic and has never denied judging people on appearances.

Regardless, I wanted those applications turned in. Getting them in so early meant finding out about acceptances earlier, which was certainly no bad thing. So I picked Asia up early, deposited Cal at Maple Creek, and marched into Juniper with Asia and Anne in tow. Carrying those packaged applications made me feel important. I was walking tall.

“Dawn, are you actually looking up?” Asia called ahead to me.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, like she doesn’t know,” Asia laughed with my sister. “Your head! You always look down in the halls.”

“So I don’t have to make eye contact with people I dislike, I’m aware,” I replied. “What about it?”

“You’re not doing it now, you’re all straight and tall and looking up!”

I waved the application envelopes at her. “Today is important, Asia,” I told her. “I’m officially applying to colleges now.”

“She turns everything into a milestone,” Anne complained. “You’re just sending it in, you’re not accepted yet!”

I blinked at her and turned back around. “And you’re just jealous that you’re not leaving yet. Run along, Annie, go find your little friends.” I waved and dismissed her. It felt like an Asia-ish thing to do, or maybe more like Madison with her royalty delusions, but I wasn’t in the mood to care. I heard Anne huff and stomp off while Asia followed me down the hall of offices. Attendence, Nurse, Principal, Guidance. Guidance was what I wanted; they handled the mailing of applications because they put the final product together. All I had to do was hand the envelopes to them, and they would slip in my teacher recommendations and transcripts, smack on a stamp, and send it off to the future.

The only problem was that the office was jammed. Even before we got to it, I could see a major road block. Students were shoulder to shoulder and more inside the office itself, crammed into the doorway, and spilling into the hall. They were everywhere, waving papers and chattering loudly.

“What the hell is this?” I stopped in my tracks, talking to no one in particular, but Asia was instantly by my side.

“First day of the new marking period. Half the school wants study halls, the other half wants out of choir because they aren’t going on a trip this year,” she said, her voice heavy with narrative.

“How do you know these things?”

“I have connections.” For all her denying it, she only ever made herself sound more like a member of the Mob. It was both comical and slightly disturbing.

“Well, I don’t care what the slackers want. I have to get these in today and that’s final!” I began to shove my way into the crowd, immediately hit by the humidity of squirmy, sweaty bodies trying to get around each other.

“No, Little Dawn, you’ll be crushed!” Asia cried from the hall, half mocking, but it was too true. There were people all around me, clamoring to get to the main desk, all rubbing against each other in an effort to get away. I wasn’t claustrophobic, but I was certainly feeling it in that hazardous crowd. Two large jocks found their way to either side of me, and while they can usually shove through traffic jams in the hallways with no problem, a jam in the guidance office is considerably different. Even they couldn’t move in any direction. I looked up at them, craning my neck to see up that high, to where their faces were surly and red. Nobody was happy with the situation. I wondered briefly if they would start a riot, start pushing and shoving their way to the front, and the idea of being trampled by them gave me a burst of energy. I darted through people with agility I didn’t know I possessed, squeezing through cracks and past sharp elbows. People behind me complained loudly, although about whom they didn’t know because they never saw me, and I reached the desk largely unscathed.

“I need to turn these in,” I said to the frazzled secretary, handing her the applications in their envelopes. She glanced at them and looked mildly interested, probably a nice change from the demands for study hall.

“Alright, you’re set,” she said after glancing inside, and giving me a weary smile. I thanked her and began my trek back through the mob, which was only slightly easier because people didn’t mind letting me out. Letting someone out meant they were out of the way, one less person in the room to shove against. It took a few minutes, but I eventually found the door and stood gasping for air in the hallway, trying to wipe the sweat of others off me. Asia stood against the opposite wall, watching her nails and looking smug.

“Have fun in there?” she asked.

I grumbled at her and started off for class.

 

By the time lunch rolled around, my mood had taken a sharp negative turn. Everything seemed to piling up on me. My International Relations teacher surprised us with a pop quiz. It should’ve been easy, simply identifying all the countries of the Middle East on the map, but I hadn’t spent nearly as much time on that map as I had spent studying the map of all the Russian countries. All because I’d skimmed it during my break at work and considered it enough. Then, in Latin class, not only were the girls as s****y and annoying as ever, but we had a quiz on the vocab and I was sure that the girl across from me was trying to read off my paper. Cheating puts me in such a bad mood. Next I heard from the Greek girl, who had AP English first period, that our teacher was assigning an eight page paper on the use of religion in Angela’s Ashes. Could my luck get any worse?

“This sucks, Asia,” was my greeting, and an accurate portrayal of my state of mind. I threw myself into a plastic chair and fell across the table. It wasn’t until my eyes were as close to the table top as they could get without popping out of my skull that I realized how fake the table was too. The surface was designed to look like marble, that blue and white peppered effect, but upon closer inspection it was so obviously plastic and wood. The school was covered in lies like that.

“Okay Chili, let’s here it,” Asia rubbed my back, urging me to straighten up and pour my woes out to her. It was a complete reversal of role, being that I was normally the one listening to petty complaints, but I was in such a bad mood that I didn’t bother to restrain.

“This whole year is just such a joke. It’s barely even November and I already hate it with a burning passion.”

“Isn’t burning passion typically a positive thing, like love or desire?” Maggie asked, sliding into the seat next to me. I told myself to give Maggie the credit for recognizing my misuse of the cliché instead of snapping at her. Luckily, Asia shut her up with a small warning shake of her head.

“My classes are so demanding it’s not even funny, and having to work at this stupid job is insane. I’ve even told my parents that it’s negatively affecting my grades, but they won’t let me quit.” I ranted. “And it’s more than a little disappointing that senior year is nothing but a flop.”

“A what?” Asia and Stacy, who had just recently arrived at the table, both looked thoroughly confused.

“Haven’t you noticed how it’s all the same? It could be any other year. If you didn’t know this was senior year, it wouldn’t be any different or special at all.”

Maggie nodded vigorously. “Yes. I have definitely noticed that.”

“It’s just like the biggest lie they can feed to you, that senior year will mean something and will be big and whatever. You go in expecting it to gold, to be in charge of the school, and to just have to pretend to care in order to pass and graduate. All this crap that the media feeds us and everyone just kind of lets us believe.”

“Like Grease and a million other movies about high school…” Maggie echoed.

“Until you actually start senior year, and the walls are still chipping that puke yellow paint, the PA system is scratchy to the point of inaudiable, and for the love of Christ, there isn’t one water fountain that actually works in this damn place.” The walls weren’t really puke yellow and the PA system wasn’t really that terrible, but the water fountains in the school were next to nonexistent. The school newspaper ran an article about it the previous spring, meant as a joke but actually quite accurate, rating the water fountains by temperature and water pressure. There were none that performed up to standards, which was only understandable because the school was falling apart. All the money in the district went towards sports and Snowberry Heights, the private school across town where Asia used to attend. It just wasn’t fair.

“Thank God, I’m not the only one pissed off by that!” Stacy smiled at me. “I always bring bottled water because I know it’s the only way I’m drinking any.”

“And these are supposed to be the days of our lives,” I sneered finally.

“It does bite pretty hard,” Asia agreed, tapping her long painted fingernails on her chin. “But I’m sure it gets better.”

“After we graduate, right?” Maggie asked sarcastically.

“Nah, way before that. I mean, we’ve got Senior Skip Day. And senior pranks. And need I say prom?” she grinned widely and clapped.

She was basically ticking off all the things I wouldn’t participate in. I couldn’t afford to skip any school with the way my classes were going, and I wasn’t part of any large group that could pull off a “senior prank”. Even if I was, I wouldn’t want to do it. All the pranks I’ve heard about could be considered illegal, and having that on my record is the last thing I need. As for prom, it was just another dance with the same old people that I didn’t care about.

“No PROM?” Asia roared, suddenly red in the face, with narrow slanted eyebrows. “But it’s PROM!”

“It’s stupid! It’s just going to be bad music and someone I hate being crowned ‘most popular’. Then they’re going to drive home drunk to have sex, which is why we end up with programs like DARE and Choose Booze, Many Loose.” I explained patiently. “Besides, I’ll just end up tagging along behind you and your date because I won’t have one, which is not my idea of a good time.”

“Dawn.” Asia said, feigning calmness, closing her eyes to shield against my disgrace. “Please don’t tell me that you are so superficial that you need a date for prom.”

I laughed. “Well, why shouldn’t I be? You are!”

“Yeah, but we already know that about me. I’m allowed to be superficial like that, it’s expected of me. You normally just screw date stuff like that, so why not now?”

“It’s not so much that it’d be different even if I had a date, I just don’t want to go at all,” I shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind going alone if I had a group to go with.”

“But then wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of going alone?”

“I don’t think there is a purpose to going alone.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I just don’t want to end up being the third wheel for you and Andrew, or you and whoever, feeling obvious and hating myself for being there.”

“But you had such a good time at junior prom! No, don’t shake your head. I have pictures of you having fun, don’t bother denying it. Stacy, tell her.”

Stacy nodded. “It’s true, I’ve seen them, plus I was there too.”

            “Fine. But that was different because you didn’t have a date either and neither did Maggie. Actually, you know what? Let’s not get into this now. It’s November, and prom’s in May. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay?” I didn’t feel like planning out the whole year already. Every time I tried to do that, stuff got screwed up and switched around.

            Asia nodded. “Fine. But you’re still going to prom.”

            Maggie and Stacy nodded, giving me these pitying little smiles that made me despise the day even more.

            “Whatever.” I said, resting my head on my folded arms.

            Andrew walked over to our table, balancing his tray on one hand. “Hello, ladies.” He smiled at us briefly before concentrating on setting down his tray without spilling anything. A chorus of “Hi Andrew” from Maggie and Stacy resonated back at him.

            Asia perked right up, back straight and eyes bright. “Hi, darling,” She pulled him closer to peck his cheek once he was in his seat. “How’s your day so far?”

            “Boring. I was sitting in calc and my teacher was all like –”

            “Dawn says she’s not going to prom.” Asia tossed me a vindictive glare. “Because she won’t have a date.”

            Andrew stared at me. “Well, do you want to go with me?”

            Asia snapped to attention and punched his arm. “You b*****d, at least wait until I’m not around!”

            “Thanks, but I just don’t want to go. Asia, I thought we were dropping this.” I narrowed my eyes at her and folded my arms tightly.

“Sorry, I forgot.” She said lightly, turning to her lunch. As if. Asia was an inner blond and ditzy as anything, but she wasn’t that far gone. She just hated to let things go if they didn’t suit her interests. I regretted mentioning that I didn’t want to go to prom, because I could tell she would give me no rest about it until the actual night.

 

I was still fuming when I got to Chemistry, entirely not in the mood to deal with my lab partner. It was true that ever since I had mentioned his name to Asia, he had straightened up. I had no idea what she did, but working with him had become much more agreeable. He made more of an effort to help me, at least. Sometimes, though, I thought that maybe it would be better if he didn’t, because he was slow and unsure and took a long time to get things done.

“Hi Miss Dawn,” a light musical voice was floating behind my seat. I knew without having to turn around that it was Mikey. He shared the desk behind mine and was usually listening to music through his ear pods before class so we didn’t normally converse. He was a nice guy, though. Very friendly.

“Hi,” I turned to face him. “How are you?”

“I’ve been wondering if you were ever going to come back to Psych Club, how about you?” he rested his chin on his hand and grinned.

I had completely forgotten about the school’s psychology club. It had caught my eye as a sophomore, and I hadn’t missed a meeting since then. Or at least, I hadn’t until my workload caused me to erase it from my memory.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just been so busy that I didn’t even think about it.”

“Save your excuses, we just want you back.”

That struck me as strange. I wasn’t terribly close to anyone in the club, even Mikey and I only spoke because he was one of Asia’s ex boyfriends. They had dated for a month and a half in the beginning of junior year, during which time we discovered he was also interested in being a psychologist and convinced him to join the club. At the end of the month and a half, Asia made a second discovery; Mikey was gay. In the closet; door open and waving from the inside, but in the closet nonetheless. They parted on friendly terms.

“Who’s we?”

“Me and Penny! She joined in October, I told her you were a member too, when you decided to come around.” He was smirking. Mikey loved to dig at people.

“Well, do you still meet at the same time? Maybe I can make it, I just have to make sure it’s not a day that I have work.” I suggested.

“Tuesdays, right after school. Just like always.”

“I can probably get there most days. Next week, definitely.” I promised.

“Great! Next week is the Paraphilias, which I think will be really interesting. You’re interested in that stuff, right?”

I barely managed to hide a groan. No, not terribly interested, no.

“Kidding. We’re learning about schizophrenia instead. We opted in September to review all the Axis I disorders in full. It was great, we spent about a month on…”

But then our teacher called for attention and I, ever the academic, whipped right around to take notes. Mikey leaned forward and whispered “Multiple Personality Disorder” in my ear, causing my inner self to cringe and hit itself. My favorite disorder, and I’d missed the whole month of it. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up with studying and that stupid fitting room job, I could’ve been at Psychology Club learning about stuff I actually cared about. Instead, I was getting tired and sore from constantly standing at Marshall’s. I was trying to stay on top of it all and be optimistic, but life was really starting to bother me, the way it panned out without stopping to ask permission.

Author's Note

There are some things in this chapter that come out of nowhere, but were actually introduced in chapters that I didn't post - sorry!