An Audience with the Queen of Thorns

A knight encounters the Queen of Thorns.

As you hang from the jaws of a massive serpent made from living vines, you catch sight of a feminine figure with four pointy ears and long red hair walking into view.

“Oh, hello! I didn’t know you were there!”

She smiles, apparently pleased by your presence, before glaring at the behemoth holding you within its maw.

“Alright, let him go, Mandragora! Can’t you see that he’s had enough? Yes, I know fully well that’s a human! Where are your manners, you lumbering oaf? Let. Him. Go.”

The creature relaxes its grip on you, causing your body to fall to the ground with a thud. It still glares and hisses at you, intending to finish the job it started, but unable to do so at his mistress’s command. Hissing angrily, it slithers away.

“Good… good.”

Turning away from the massive creature, the bizarre lady gives you an inquisitive look, one of childish curiosity rather than malevolence.

“Sorry about that, my plants are fond of blood... they’re really friendly if you get to know them though! Anyway... who are you? And what brings you to my humble grove? Well, I suppose I should be a good host and take the initiative. Your kind knows me as the Queen of Thorns, but you can just call me Nempthys. I like to keep things informal here! Well, enough about me. I’m afraid I’ve indulged in my weakness for speech for too long. So, what are you exactly?”

Apprehensively, you tell her your name, and what you are. After all, she is your benefactor. If it weren’t for her, you’d be little more than a mangled pulp of flesh.

“Richard… that is your name you say, yes? It’s a pleasure to meet you! I like meeting new friends. A knight-in-training you say? Oh, how charming! I’ve seen countless others like you, but your face... is unique.”

You decide to throw in some praise for her youthful appearance. She is, after all, a sight for sore eyes, much like the elven wenches of your favourite tavern, except with twice the ears.

Aww, that’s so sweet of you, dear child! True, I may look your age, but I’m as ancient as the soil you tread upon. Still, being old doesn’t mean that you can’t look good! Since you’re here, you should stay for tea! It has been so long since I’ve had a visitor to admire my garden under the moon’s glow. It’s a real spectacle, you know!”

You try to decline as politely as possible, worried that lingering might be a prelude to a fate even worse than being devoured by a gargantuan vine serpent.

“I insist. I promise I won’t bite! Well, I used to, three millennia ago, but anything after that is all false allegations by that no-good liar Circe!”

She seems reluctant to let you go. Realising that there is no way to talk her out, you tell her the true intention of your visit, and that you wish to spare her in exchange for her kindness.

“What’s that, you’re here to slay me? Foolish child, I could easily have your frail body maimed in an instant!”

The last few words are said with the edge of a sharpened blade, as though challenging you to try. Her sudden change of demeanour jolts you from your bravado. You fall to your knees and beg her to spare you, causing her to smile.

“But since you’re such a fine young lad, I’ll offer you a way out. After all, I understand that you mortals have your convoluted concepts of honour and chivalry. That apparently means having to go out to murder others! I know you’re not of that sort, since you could have tried to strike me down without warning, like many others have before you. You’re not the first to come here for this, and sadly... you won’t be the last.”

Her musical voice and whimsical demeanour have returned, as though the outburst mere moments ago had never happened. Yet, something about the way she said the last line rubs you the wrong way.

However, before you have any time to contemplate, you feel her thorny hands on yours, pressing something soft and delicate into your palms.

“What’s this you ask? It is a petal, a portion of my being. Don’t worry, that torn patch on my body will heal in time. As for you, take this as a trophy that your kind craves so much, and tell your masters that you flayed poor Nempthys and hung her from her own vines! Isn’t that better for everyone? This makes a happy ending for both you and me, with no bloody surprises! Well, at least not for us…”

She smiles at you sweetly, before grabbing you by the arm with a playful tug.

“Now that all that unpleasant business is dealt with, you’re just in time for some freshly brewed chamomile tea! You, my child, must at least stay for a while...”

Author's Note

Hi!

Do let me know what you think! If you've enjoyed this story, do check out my book on the Amazon Kindle Store, The Best of Aurafiex - A Short Story Collection.

Buy it now at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GX7EVLC

Have a nice day!

Reviews

[Cyndy Robinson]

The beginning of this is very confusing. You do not quite get what is going on until you get to the middle. Some reasons for this. 1. Because of the unusual style of this, she talks about someone being there, then says the name Birchus, I assumed Birchus was who was there. Turned out it was a plant. I had to read the beginning like 3 times to understand what was happening. I am not sure quotes at the beginning and end of the entire monologue would help with that. I am wondering if this might not be a little clearer, Something like Scene: The Queen of Thorns is seen singing and dancing around a large viny plant, and then break into it. It at least shows those two, and explains more what Birchus is. As another suggestion, I sort of like the quote marks at the beginning and end, like it is a real conversation, although I am not sure what the rule is, or if there has to be one, but if you opened it with scene, you could close it with scene: The Queen of Thorns is seen laying out to two cups..... leaving the reader wondering whether the knight was ever there at all or whether it was a lonely old woman's fantasy! Interesting piece.

[Aurafiex]

Well, I've added some narration. Do take a look and tell me what you think!

[Cyndy Robinson]

I love it, forget what I said, it makes all the difference in the world its great, as usual! It has the zing you always have.

[richieb]

Different style of dialogue, it took a moment to figure it out. I think this style is alright for a few paragraphs but i would feel as if I am reading only half a story after a while. Nothing wrong with trying something different. Richie B.

[Jacob Clifford]

This is interesting. I'm not sure I've seen this style before, having just one side speak. It lends the story a quirky kind of charm. I'm not sure of the legitimate storytelling this can manage, but again, this is the first of this style I've seen. It would at least have to be expanded upon, for sure. The Queen of Thorns has a very odd, aloof personality that is expected within unconventional stories.

[Jonathan Lee]

Nice telephone gag. I was a little confused at first, because you have ending quotes on each line. Typical convention for a multi-paragraph monologue is to leave off the ending quote mark until the very last line. The fact that there is an implied intervening response shouldn't make any difference. In fact, in most books the few times I've seen this kind of bit it's been within a single paragraph. As an example: "It's me, Margaret Dimble. Such a dreadful thing's happened. I'll tell you when I come. I'm too angry to speak at the moment. Have you a spare bed by any chance? What? Mr. Studdock's away? Not a bit, if you don't mind. I've sent Cecil to sleep in College. You're sure it won't be a nuisance? Thanks most awfully. I'll be round in half an hour." (http://pdbooks.ca/pdbooks/english/L/Lewis-C-S--That-Hideous-Strength/zhuklz_files/OEBPS/Text/Section0002.html)

Of course, this monologue is a bit too long to fit in a single paragraph to be sure. You might still consider grouping some of these lines together, to make it all the more obvious from the start that this is a one-sided conversation. I think the first four lines could go together on one paragraph for instance. In any case, every paragraph you put together should have a starting quotation mark, but no ending mark until the very last paragraph. This will make it all the clearer that this is a single person talking.

I'm also not sure what you were going for with the song from Mister Roger's Neighborhood. Presumably it's there for comedic effect, but it seems a little over-the-top in its anachronistic silliness. The rest of the story does seem a tad tongue-in-cheek, but not *that* absurd.

Just to make things clearer, you might also consider putting some brief introductory exposition. At the very least just so we know who's talking this whole time upfront. It could even be a single sentence like "The queen hummed along in her chamber, oblivious to the knight who was now there--wrapped as he was in vines." This isn't as necessary as removing the end quotes, but it would make things all that much more understandable. It needn't reveal too much, just enough so the reader knows how to parse what you've written.

All in all, seems like an amusing scene.

[Aurafiex]

Heh, well... I got the idea for this piece from (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZSS_VJJC1Y).

Yeah, I'll probably make the story more concise while putting in some narration in between.

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

this is very interesting, like it