Chapter 1 - Damnation

A stalker laments his obsession, and decides to change fate.

Chapter 1: Damnation

 

It was Kevin's first day at Saint Arcadia's Academy. He was alone amongst a sea of faceless shadows not worth even a sliver of his memory, yet she stood out like a beacon of light against the encroaching spectre of uniformity and the mundane.

 

Her eyes were red like roses and she sported shoulder-length cerise bangs that covered her right eye. A marine blue blazer worn neatly over her uniform along with a black tie distinguished her amongst the hordes of newcomers.

It was as though an angel had descended from the heavens to grace the world with her divine presence.

 

Lucy, as she had introduced herself, was the student council president. He remembered the warm, tingly embrace of her hand when she shook his and the casual yet friendly smile that eased his worries.

 

"Welcome to Saint Arcadia's!" she said to him. The words were a nightingale's song to his ears.

 

That day, Kevin knew he was in love.

 

The concepts of love and friendship were futile to him before he met Lucy. People came and went, yet they were all merely obstructions to the solitude he ever so craved.

 

It wasn't his fault, he thought to himself. Their mundane interests and overly romanticised ideas of companionship made him cringe in disgust. They called him a recluse, a "weirdo", yet the irony was that they were the foolish children playing make-believe. Not him.

 

They were annoying, filthy apes, the whole lot of them. Except her.

 

Lucy was different from the rest of the rabble. She walked on the balls of her feet and her hands always seemed to be dancing. She was like a queen, elegant and beautiful.

 

And she wasn't just a pretty face either. She had the charisma to compel the undivided attention of her peers whenever she spoke. They would cling on to every word of hers like it was the gospel and all eyes would be on her wherever she went.

 

Lucy was like a wet dream in uniform. She was so perfect that it was worthy of adulation.

 

And adulation she received. The male students would fight amongst themselves to carry her bag to class and the girls would clamour around her, hungry for her attention and approval. Even the cafeteria staff adored her, as they always made sure to give her extra slices of her favourite apple pie. Even with all the admiration, she took everything in her stride, smiling and humouring them all the way with the generosity and grace that only a goddess could muster.

 

Alas, he couldn't gather up the nerve to even say hello. Lucy was simply too perfect! Whenever he caught sight of her, his mouth would clam up, his palms would get sweaty and his crotch would swell up. It was an irrational yet intoxicating sensation that he could not explain.

 

She never noticed him either, aside from that fateful day. After all, she was always surrounded by those sycophants and he was but another face amongst many to her, much to his dismay.

 

They were from completely different worlds. She was considered to be beautiful and blessed by society, while he was regarded otherwise.

 

As the days became months, the best Kevin could do was admire Lucy from afar. He would watch her as she walked to her classes, had her meals and even on Sundays when she went to church. All from a safe distance, of course.

 

At times, he even took the liberty to take photographs of Lucy. He would painstakingly pan the shots to avoid including those mongoloid "friends" of hers while remaining hidden.

 

These photographs of her were used to adorn an altar to his precious goddess. It was a makeshift shrine decorated with various pictures of her, all meticulously framed and placed neatly. He would spend hours before this altar, professing his love to her, both physically and emotionally. It was a sinful, sticky pleasure that he indulged in whenever possible.

 

Kevin thought that this would be good enough, that his desire for Lucy could be satiated. Sadly it was not to be.

 

Well, to be fair, it did work for a while, but eventually the nights spent before her visage would end in his frustration rather than satisfaction.

 

It dawned upon him that he was only fawning over a spectre of Lucy, who lived only in his fantasies. She belonged to those he would call mongrels, those who admired her in the open and had the audacity to call her their friend.

 

There was no way Lucy could be his. Kevin had no place in her world, for in society's eyes she was a child of sunshine while he was a leper. He was sure that she would recoil in disgust from the mere thought of him.

Yet she made him feel this way. Damn her for doing this to him, he would mutter at times. But never before her visage, for she was too sacred for such curses.

 

Eventually, he could take it no longer. One rainy night, Kevin howled in anger at the hopelessness of the situation. The heavy downpour echoed his fury and the thunderstorm brought the symphony of his frustration to an ear-shattering crescendo. He screamed once more, tears flowing freely down his eyes as he shoved the photographs of Lucy off the side of the altar. The sounds of shattering glass and splinting wood did little to quell his rage. The whole episode was full of sound and fury, yet was ultimately nothing but an impotent expression of anger.

It was then Kevin heard something, or someone whisper into his ear.

 

"Tell me, do you love Lucy?"

 

Was he so deep into grief that he was now hearing imaginary voices? Kevin thought to himself. The whole notion of telepathy was incredulous to him.

 

"I ask again. Lucy…. Do you love her?"

 

It wasn't Kevin's imagination. The voice was now much louder and more assertive. He felt an icy chill caress his spine like the embrace of death. He glanced around and to his horror, a black mist was forming around him, the source of which the broken altar of the goddess he cherished.

 

"Wh... Who are you?" He asked the black mist, whatever it was.

"Who I am is of little consequence, but rather what I have to offer you matters. Tell me, do you want Lucy to love you with all her heart?"

 

"Yes! I'll do anything for her to be mine!"

 

"Anything? No matter the cost?"

 

"Yes!"

 

"Very well. This shall be the key to your salvation. Take it and she shall be yours forever."

 

A piece of ragged parchment covered with numerous immaculately inscribed runes materialized in his hands.

 

"Just sign here, in blood."

 

"Huh?"

 

Before Kevin could ask any more questions, the black mist began to dissipate, revealing the mess of shattered glass and plastic he had created in his rampage. He looked up and scanned his surroundings. What just happened? He wondered out loud, his mind racing rapidly with thoughts. If it weren't for the runic scroll before him, he would most likely have chalked it all up to a really bad dream.

 

Whatever happened though, Kevin knew one thing. It was time to prove his everlasting love to his goddess.

 

Picking up a penknife from his desk, Kevin made a tiny cut on his index finger to draw blood. He grimaced in pain as blood trickled down his finger like crimson raindrops onto the parchment. The blood began to consume the scroll as though it were acid, and within seconds, his hands were empty.

 

All that was left to do now was to wait. He decided to go to bed. After all, the whole episode had left him drained both physically and mentally.

 

Sleeping that night was unfortunately an arduous task for Kevin. He could feel his heart beat furiously. Was this the feeling of falling in love for the first time that he had read about in those sappy romance novels? The excitement was too much for him to bear.

 

Eventually, he drifted off to sleep, with Lucy's visage haunting his dreams.

Author's Note

Chapter 1. A WIP. Comments and feedback are appreciated.

Reviews

[Tsubaki Kuro]

Well executed story. You drew me into this story and I love that. I also love that you used Lucy from Elfen Lied as your picture for this book. I love Lucy. That's what got my attention to be honest. Lol. Great Job.

[Aurafiex]

Thanks! Finally someone caught the reference. Heh... well anyway do read on!

[Cyndy Robinson]

The story is well written. I agree Lucy is made too perfect. I am not sure I agree with the comments of a large vocabulary. I think it depends on the age of the audience. If this is a children's story, the vocabulary might be to large. Anyone ever check out the vocabulary in Harry Potter? I think the difference between a storyteller, and a writer, is just that, their vocabulary. Just thought I would put my two cents worth in on that.

[Krizito]

The style seemed kind of new to me-I pray pardon if I come out amateurishly- but I liked it. The idea of a boy willing to do anything to get an angel...cute. The plot and narration was pretty cool...but where the mist appeared, you called it his shrine..I'm kind of having a hard time figuring if you meant it literally, or he really had a shrine.
Overall...seemed pretty cool to me...and for the record, you know much more words than me..

[Aurafiex]

Glad that you enjoyed it! But which part were you referring to when you said that I called it his shrine?

[Krizito]

Sorry, typo...I meant the altar..

[Aurafiex]

Yeah, its his altar that he made to worship Lucy.

[Lavorther]

You described the transition from love to obsession really well. The description of Lucy was on point as well, she indeed came across as a lovely angel. I do agree with the other reviews that you might want to tone her perfection down a little bit. No one is perfect, and being so beautiful and popular can't only be positive. I'm sure there would be a lot of jealous girls, both openly and behind her back. You can even make her seem more amazing by showing how she handled these situations.

The ending was surprising, making me wonder where this story is heading. I also agree with TheMalady that there were a few words that I had to look up, although that might be because English isn't my first language. It wasn't a problem for me, as this was another opportunity to expand my vocabulary.

Some things I noticed:

"It wasn't his fault, he thought to himself. Their mundane interests and overly romanticised ideas of companionship made me cringe in disgust."
The first sentence is in third person ("he"), but the second is in first person ("me").

"And she wasn't just a pretty face either " she had ..."
The " in the middle of the sentence was probably meant to be a dash. This site sometimes changes them to a single quote when you paste your story into the submision form.
This happened once more near the end of the chapter:
"Who I am is of little consequence, but rather what I have to offer you matters " now tell me ..."

[Aurafiex]

Thanks for pointing out those typos! I suspect it to be an oversight on my part, regarding the me and him bit. As for the random ", I suspect it to be an issue with copy-pasting from Microsoft Word.

Regardless, I've amended the issues. If you do spot more do let me know!

[Lavorther]

Yes, it indeed seems to be an issue with Word. I always paste my writing into Notepad first, and then copy it again from there. That removes all formatting, so you have to do that again manually in the submission form (like cursive text, or alignment). But it does prevent a lot of formatting problems.

[Jacob Clifford]

I was pleasantly surprised by this. Most people who attempt writing this types of anime-fiction do horridly. But this was actually well written and coherent. You really did well at giving this the traditional feel. I did not expect this when I started reading, but I'm actually intrigued to see where this story goes.
The only real critique I have, aside from a very small number of grammatical errors, is that this chapter doesn't have much when it comes to transitional details. It hits the main points just fine, but the little things are what makes stories entertaining. I get that this was supposed to be a sort of synopsis of the protagonist's experiences, but I was suggest more examples of what happens. Just really try to make the story come to life.
Good work with this, really.

[David Marsden]

I would like to say don't overdo the build-up of Lucy. I know you are trying to make her into a goddess, that comes across well, but everyone falling at her feet isn't always the right image, add a little conflict, let some of the flat characters be jelous of her, or maybe a main character. Anyway I havn't read the rest of the story yet. I thought I'd take it one chapter at a time. I have a mental picture of Lucy, so that's good. I have an indication of Kevin being infatuated to the point of becoming obsessive. I get a picture of Kevin by his manerismns and actions, so that's good also.
The descriptive narative rolls along nicely and you have a flowery way of writing phrases without overdoing it. I hate the type of narative that is flooďed with adjetives and superfluous style, yours isn't like that.
I was hooked when the plot started to unfold. I love mysteries anyway and supernatural mysteries are no exception. I think you went into the end of the chapter well where Kevin has màde some sort of a pack with an evil presence to fulfill his desires. I can see there is going to be much conflict in the next chapter.
I will probably read it later or tomorrow and let you know what I think.

[Aurafiex]

For Lucy's character development in this chapter, the intention was to put it in Kevin's perspective, that is to say his opinion of her via his observations. Not exactly sure if I did that well, but if you have any ideas regarding it I'm open to them!

[David Marsden]

I would'nt change the description of Lucy through Kevin's eyes at all. It's the part where everyone adores her even the staff. This is making her out to be perfect to everyone not just to Kevin. For someone to be infatuated with someone else they have to see them better than they are. They see them different to everyone else. I would make Lucy a nice, caring, sensetive, pretty person still but not seen that way by everyone. For instance, if sòmeone in real life is like Lucy, she would have a lot of admirers but also some people would resent her and be jelous of her.
This is a good story all in all. The comments are just ways of tweeking it. I think Clifford made some valid poìnts also.

[TheMalady]

This is so interesting. I was thrown off with the intro. There were some highfalutin words that made me open the dictionary just so I could understand and continue with the story. Anyway, others would complain about that, however, for me, it's learning a new word.

The story is well-descriptive. I could imagine the scenes well, however, the place wasn't really described well, but I could still imagine it. I like how you play with your words. You're very creative and playful. Your writing style is great. The plot is a mystery. Well-done with this piece! Keep on writing! :)

[Aurafiex]

Thanks! Don't mind me asking, but which scenes weren't well described?

Also, be sure to check out the other two chapters! I'm not quite finished with it yet (its a work in progress), but do let me know what you think!

[TheMalady]

Ahm... just the school part. The description of your characters are good so no probs with that. Just the settings though. I'll be sure to check that out. Thanks for recommending! :)