The Three Reasons

There are often 3 reasons for something: The one we tell others, the one we tell ourselves, and the real reason. The complicated part is whether or not they all match up. 

You see, we often tell others a reason for something that doesn't  quite align with the truth. Why is this? It has to do with how we want to be perceived by people: friends, family, random strangers, that one person you're always trying to impress. It is how we work as humans. You want to be pitied, you tell a sob story. You want to be perceived as a so-called badass or seem “cool“ to people, and you will tell a story that, while resembling a version of the truth, is likely an exaggeration or extension of the truth. You may not even realize your changing reasons. Perhaps it is a subconscious action. Whether conscious or subconscious, it is all about public perception. 

Yet another reason or version of the truth is the one we tell ourselves. This reason can vary from aligning with truth, all the way to denying yourself the truth. Sometimes we have to tell ourselves a reason, as crazy as that reason may sound, to avoid the possibility that maybe, just maybe, we don't have all the answers.  The self-denial stage is a product of the ever-so-present human impulse to see what one wishes to see, but not necessarily the truth. We are certainly good at bending the truth to convince ourselves of our sanity. We tell ourselves that what we want to see is the truth, as if to protect ourselves from the reality that we are a fallible, errant, flawed people. 

The truth is something altogether different. It is unchangeable and untouchable. The truth is knowable yet it evades. The real reason behind what you did? What really happened? The beautiful thing about the REAL reason is that it does not matter if you do not believe it. The truth stays the same.

Reviews

[Timothy Burjess]

Hello again Aude!

I thought I might review this as well, for I also found interest here.

I can connect to this piece, for I thought this way when I was younger, thus I understand to a certain degree. I feel it natural to act this way as a youth, for growing up through the early years of one's life can be daunting, intimidating, and rather confusing, and perhaps why children seem to adopt - and if I may use your example - various "truths" as it were, to help them build upon their own identity and others perceptions of the latter. Yet, as one grows older and gains their own opinion on the matter discussed here, I think then, the same happens again - almost a relative improvement on it in fact. One either understands (through their own introspective education) that others' perceptions of them are in fact false, and hold no actual meaning when it comes to their own, or ... one stays put in holding the belief that it is others' perception of them that makes up their entirety. Either option is equally as powerful in regards to one's perception of themselves, yet from the individualist viewpoint, the "individual" holds only the power of "self-perception" as it were, for what makes up the individual stems only from that individual, and that individual alone - thus absolutely disproving any other individuals subjective and/or objective opinions or viewpoints on them as a separate entity.

I think you hit the mark in saying "It is how we work as humans." Indeed, I would agree in stating that it is our genetic "makeup" that controls the topic discussed, yet, a dog can be trained to sit on command (against their genetic "makeup naturally) so too can humans be trained to go without wearing said "makeup" - and oh how I would just love to use here how beauty stems not from makeup in a fashionable sense... So, to summarise up to here; yes, we act this way up to a certain point in our lives, yet can overcome the barrier through our own introspective understanding, that the only worth is within our own individual "self", and that one individual ... one consciousness, holds no power nor ability to judge the existence of another, for they too only contain worth of their "self".

Now, this is where you really get me interested - "to avoid the possibility that maybe, just maybe, we don't have all the answers" - oh how that is a pleasure to read again! Are you then familiar with the regress problem? Oh, oh! Or perhaps even the Gettier problem!? Good times! Comparing my knowledge of the latter with what you write here really is a treat, and I mean that in all honesty! You say: "the ever-so-present human impulse to see what one wishes to see, but not necessarily the truth" - I plead with you, do a piece just on that quote alone and I will give you an essay in the review section I swear! The concept you promote feels like a great move across a chessboard; a freed bishop takes an opposing knight, checking the king while covering itself for retreat behind safe lines - divine play Aude. You bring about the feel that within our own consciousness, lies a sinister force, able to consciously divert away from the subconscious - the "conscious" force believing in truth that it wants to, thus does feel a certain way about something, meanwhile the subconscious has remained the same the whole time, screaming to the distracted conscious that it is following a path of inauthenticity. Great, great, great!

In regard to the final paragraph, I have just finished a book by Søren Kierkegaard - "Purity of Heart is to WIll One Thing" - and I am reminded of a quote - "But in order genuinely to will one thing, a man must in truth will the Good. On the other hand, as for each act of willing the Good which does not will it in truth, it must be declared to be double-mindedness." - (and an appropriate description of "double-mindedness"?) - "If one who is sick fears the bitterness of the medicine, or fears 'to let himself be cut and cauterized by the physician,' then what he really fears is - to get well, even though in delirium he swears most positively that this is not the case, and that, on the contrary, he all to eagerly longs for his health. As for this assurance, the more zealously it is made, the more clearly is its double-mindedness revealed: that he desires his health and yet does not will it, although he has it in his power." So, to summarise this final point in regard to your grand writing - If one tells the truth, yet goes beyond the truth in order to make themselves respected to a greater extent, then they are double-minded. Yet having the knowledge that one has deviated from the actual truth (double-mindedness), then one stays subconsciously sick, and if one continues to ignore their sickness, they in fact, are ignoring the truth - of which has remained the same - and is the cure for the sickness respectively - for the truth, as you state, "stays the same", from its conception, throughout the entire journey.

Grand piece Aude. Great to see such a mind here.

Timothy.

[Aude Sapere]

Thank you for the reviews, I thoroughly enjoy reading and learning from them. More to come soon, thanks.
-Aude Sapere

[Listmaker]

Truth is the constant. Perception, deception of oneself or others -- the variable. I like this piece because it speaks to the complexity of the human mind. Thank you for this well written, thought provoking writing. Here's one of my poems that The Three Reasons reminds me of.

HONESTY

I’ve always thought of myself as an honest person
I believe myself to stand in good stead among those who consider themselves to be honest and ethical in dealings with others
It’s just lately that I’ve begun to think more about how honest I am with myself
Do I deceive myself by sometimes not adequately evaluating my motives?
Do I deceive myself by sometimes not owning up to my faults?
Do I deceive myself by sometimes thinking that I am kind when I know that at times I am unkind to those I most love?
Do I deceive myself when I think of myself as a good housekeeper when you can find dirt and dust in my house?
Do I deceive myself when I question a friend’s loyalty knowing that I myself have fallen short of being a good friend?
It is difficult to turn the eye of scrutiny on oneself
I am trying to see myself as others see me
I am trying to view my actions as others might view them
I am striving to be as honest with myself as I am with others
I am striving to improve
I know no one without shortcomings
I want to evaluate mine in the cold light of day
So that I might deserve the self-bestowed title of honest