Clarity

Ch 10 (1st chapter of part IV)

 

 

         I let his words marinade as we pulled up to my front door. He handed the cab driver a fifty dollar bill…

Keep the Change!

I wanted to protest. Why’d he give a thirty dollar tip? He opened the door and I climbed out. I wasn’t sure. He sensed my hesitation.

I just want to make sure you’re fine. I’ll stay with you until you’re ready to sleep.

I nodded. I wanted him to stay but it didn’t seem appropriate. I could hear Grams voice in my head, “Child you have to have standards.” Was he my standard? I opened the front door, shut the alarm off and let him in.

I live in the basement. Did you want water, a soda?

Water’s fine.

I grabbed two bottles and showed him to my space. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. My bed was covered with photos for my art and some newspaper clippings. He put them all into one pile and set them on my dresser.

It’s really cozy here.

Thank you; don’t get too comfortable.

I forced a weak smile. He looked at me searching. What was the next move?

I need to wash my face. Please, sit.

Thanks.

I shut the bathroom door. This is it, I thought. If nothing happens it means we’re not ready.

Rhea, how can you survive without a TV?

You know I read.

So are you set? Do you want me to leave now?

I moved closer to where he sat on the bed. What’d he think was going to happen? He’d taken his coat and shoes off while I was washing my face. Could he really read me so well?

No. Hang out. I never see you since I moved.

Okay, you sure you don’t need to lie down?

I just might.

I felt the temperature in the room drop tremendously. I pulled on an oversized cashmere sweater and climbed onto the bed. As I pulled the covers over me, he turned and seemed to tuck me in. What was happening? Neither of us seemed to want to deal with the possibility…he kissed my cheek. His warm lips were so soft against my skin. I was ready.

You should come under the covers. It gets really cold down here.

Are you sure?

Oh my god, yes it’s fine, I wouldn’t suggest it if I weren’t sure.

He pulled his button-down off and tossed it on his little pile in the corner. I could see every muscle in his arms while he moved. He climbed in. I moved closer to him, but kept a safe distance. I had no practice, he knew. His right hand searched for my left, he held it, and our fingers interlaced. I spoke.

So what do you think will happen to us?

I don’t know.

Do you think we could, you know, be together?

I want to but you’re so far away now.

But you could move. You could stay with me…

I’m not ready to live together.

Me neither, I just meant temporarily.

Tears stung my eyes as I tried to break free from his hold. He didn’t want me to let go.

Rhea…

I turned to him. He pulled me close, and kissed my lips. Five minutes later, my oversized sweater was flung to the floor; his undershirt quickly followed. We lay in bed, the top halves of our body naked, but the belts of our trousers firmly in place. I could feel his bulge. Fear overtook my body, I began to tremble.

Oh my God, Rhea, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. Oh my God, let me get your sweater…

He slid out of the bed, and grabbed my sweater. I quickly put it on. He held me close in an effort to calm my nerves. I lay on his chest, content.

Are you ok?

Yea, sorry I’m a nervous wreck.

Don’t apologize, I should’ve known better.

Thank you for understanding.

He squeezed me closer…I thought he’d be gone by now. But he stayed.

            A few hours later I woke up to find his spot empty.

Luc?

I’ll be right there babe.

He stayed while I slept? I wanted to make it up to him, but I wasn’t ready for that step. Kissing was one thing, but sex…that was a whole other game that I wasn’t ready to play. He came back with water for me.

Do you feel better?

Yeah.

Would you like some water?

Thank you. Do you work tomorrow?

Yeah. I need to be there in about 6 hours.

Oh, you need to leave now?

No, it’s fine; I can stay until morning. Get some rest.

I felt his warm body radiate next to me, and I moved closer to him. He knew what I needed and sacrificed his own for mine. I could his breath on the back of my neck while I fought my sleep. It seemed too good to be true. Most guys would’ve left after that episode, but he stayed. He must love me, I thought. My eyes grew heavy…

Good night, Luc.

Sweet dreams…

Author's Note

tying up the loose ends...makin some serious choices about the characters...this chapter needs to be short so comment on everything else but length