What About Us

Ch. 9 (last chapter of part 3)

 

 

            I woke up two days later wondering what the hell went wrong with us. I hopped into my shower, cold water again. I wished the landlord would fix the damn thermostat for her house. Between my cold restless nights of sleep and my crack of dawn arctic showers, I’d had it with the place. City life was sweet, especially when I wasn’t in the basement apartment that took most of my meager salary every month.

            Maybe I dreamt the whole thing. I couldn’t come to grips with what he’d said. What the hell was wrong with me? I washed my hair, scrubbed every section of my body and got out of the shower. Placing the Listerine bottle to my head while I searched for my toothbrush, I realized I had no toothpaste. S**t! I wasn’t having a good morning. My head was throbbing, I couldn’t think straight. I hurried upstairs to our shared bathroom in the house, toothpaste. Why’d I take that early shift? I hated him for screwing with me like that. Who did he think he was telling me he loved me and taking it back, like a damn Indian giver? B*****d!

            The sun pushed its way through the curtains of my room. I was paying way too much for my place. I had to move. I pulled on black yoga pants, a black tank—no bra—a black t-shirt and a jumper. My hair was a wreck. I jotted a reminder in my daybook to call Zen. I needed a touch up…

             Why’d he even bother to touch me while I was leaving his car? I was stalling. I needed to go to work. I opened the store today. I set the alarm and sprinted to the bus stop, just made it. Couldn’t wait to get to the other side of the river, I would forget what happened in no time. My cell phone was ringing. Luc again, I answered.

Hey.

I guess I can’t be rid of you huh?

When will you be in the city?

Coffee sounds good.

Yea I’m okay, thanks for checking in.

I shouldn’t have gotten the phone, but a part of me wanted to see him. I trekked onto the ferry. The autumn breeze was brutal as we crossed the Hudson. I needed a winter coat this year. S**t! I couldn’t afford a decent coat on my pay-check with this over-priced rent.

            I hustled to the front of the ferry while it docked. I needed to get the 4 or 5, I was totally running late. He does love me, why else would he call to check in at 6am…I had to get over what happened with Luc, but my mind was wrapped so tightly around him, nothing could unwind me. I didn’t have time for Starbucks.

            I sprinted to Bowling Green, among the mass of suits and stilettos rushing to Wall St. I barely made it though the turnstile as the 5 stopped. I was going to make it. I couldn’t wait to see our new trends for the fall. My visuals were going to be amazing. I couldn’t wait to tell Lola what happened with Luc. Would she get it? I finally made it to Spring St; 2 people—they looked like new employees—were waiting outside the store.

Hi, I’m Rhea, the store doesn’t open for another 15 minutes.

Oh good, cause we’re just starting today.

One of them was a guy in his late teens the other a young Hispanic girl, probably the same age as the guy. Great, I thought. I wished for once my GM could just give me a heads up before sticking me with trainees.

Oh, ok, what are your names?

The guy spoke up, the girl seemed shy or maybe she was just rude. I didn’t really care what their names were, but I had to be polite.

I’m Ben and her name’s Jackie.

Ben and Jackie, well that’s easy enough, I’m your Manager today.

I finally unlocked the last bolt on the door and let them in before me. The sun was already out, it was 6:55am I couldn’t wait to close the store and meet Luc at Aroma for coffee. In ten hours, I’d be home free.

            We were slammed with clients within the first five minutes of opening the store. I liked both of the new staff members. They were both chatty but they worked more than they talked and that’s generally how I liked the sales associates to be. Ben was in trade school working on his paramedic license. I guessed correctly, he’d just turned 18. He had his own place in Harlem—shared an apartment with his older brother that is—and he wanted to be a business owner one day. Being a paramedic was one of his stepping stools to gaining capital for his life dream.

            It turned out Jackie was shy. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing because she really needed her new job and heard I was a total…I remember the look on her face when I offered to buy them lunch that day. Apparently that convinced that I wasn’t as evil as the staff members she’d already met led on. She was seventeen and half and planned on starting community college in the spring semester. It was so great to see young people trying their best to get ahead.

            I watched the interaction between Ben and Jackie and our regulars. They were both naturals. I knew my store would win the contest for most amicable employees this year. We made sure all of our shelves were stocked, and every customer left with a bag full of goodies, either for themselves or friends and family members.

By five that evening I was ready to leave. I coached Ben to close out the sales floor, and taught Jackie how to make the deposits. We would leave in less than a half an hour if I checked them while they worked. My cell phone vibrated in my back pocket. It had to be Luc. I had the staff get ready to leave as I dialed his number. He picked up after a single ring.

Hey I’m getting off now.

You’re waiting outside?

Great, I’ll see you in a few then.

Why was he the perfect gentleman? I checked Ben and Jackie as we left the store. Why either of them would want to steal this horrible clothing was beyond me? Everyone was fine. I locked the bolts and closed the gate. They said goodbye and went off to get their subways home. It finally hit me that I was seeing Luc after our episode a few days before. Where was he anyway?

            Just as the thought crossed my mind, I felt someone a few paces behind me and turned around. There he was. I pulled my hair back into a pony tail as he moved closer to me. I didn’t know if I should embrace him or wait. I waited. He seemed to have forgotten what happened between us less than 72 hours before; I didn’t brush him off when he pulled me towards him, wrapped his arms around my waist, and squeezed me close. I buried my face in his shirt, the scent of his cologne lingered as he loosened his hold. Was this what I wanted?

            He seemed to read the question on my face, and kissed my left cheek.

How was work?

It was great; I had two new trainees.

How’d they like you?

I think I won them over with free lunch.

So are we off to Aroma?

Yes, I need a cappuccino.

            He held my hand as we walked to my favorite coffee place. Again I was giddy with uncertain happiness, but I didn’t want to spoil our moment with a silly question. He knew I loved him. And he loved me, in a friendly way. If this is what he’d meant my friendly, I was thoroughly enjoying his friendly sort of love.

We finally got to Aroma, and my favorite seat next to the window was available. I hustled through the semi-crowded café to reserve our seats. I plopped down, grin on my face; I hoped he wouldn’t ruin it. He walked over to me and sat directly across from me. He was smiling.

What happened?

I’m happy I came out to see you; that’s all.

So what did you do all day?

Well, I went to work, and then I thought about how I would make it up to you for being a total jackass the last time I saw you.

Really, and what did you come up with?

Well that’s the thing, I thought I’d just come and wing it.

So after Aroma, where are we off to?

You can pick the venue, besides I don’t wanna mess it up again.

Wondering what his angle was, I gazed into his big brown eyes, almost paralyzed. Why’d he have to be so sweet when I was supposed to hate him? His friendly love took me aback. I wanted clarity. I wanted to know if we were dating, or not. He seemed to read all this in my face and couldn’t help but answer my thought.

I know I’m confusing. I know I told you I love you in a friendly way. I know today doesn’t make sense to you but, I have trust issues, and although you seem like a really amazing person, I can’t help but wonder what your angle is. I mean you don’t hold back, you practically wear your heart on your sleeve, think that’s how the saying goes anyway. I love that about you, but I’m not like that and it’s hard for me to express myself sometimes.

I looked at him as he kept his gaze on my face. He seemed to be genuine, but I couldn’t deal with another episode. I wanted to be with him. He knew that. He was scared. I wasn’t sure how to respond but I got something out before he could change the subject.

Luc I’ve known you for about eighteen months now. We went out a couple of times and we talk every day. I want to be with you. I always have and I haven’t changed that, but I don’t want you to force something you’re not ready for because then I get hurt.

His right jaw clicked while I spoke. Was he angry? I reached across the 12” diameter table and held his hands. My hands weren’t even half the size of his. He picked my hands up to his face and kissed my fingers. The electrical energy that zipped through me was incredible. We were more connected than either of us could possibly understand. I was falling so fast; if I hadn’t been sitting I’d have fainted. He looked at me as if to ask, where do we go from here?

             I had the power to get what I wanted right then, but something kept tugging at my heart. Was he being genuine? Why’d it take him three days to figure out he hurt me? I wanted to encourage him and tell him everything was going to be fine, that we were going to be fine, but I couldn’t tell. He seemed so unsure of himself. Why’d he come all this way to put us in a deadlock?

Luc, what do you want?

I don’t know.

What do you think I want?

You need stability.

What do I want?

You want to be with me, I think.

            How could he be so unsure of my affections for him? Wasn’t I clear? Didn’t I show him and tell him? These questions came in a flux as I stared at him waiting for him to finish.

I know I love you and I want you to be happy. I know you’re the smartest, most beautiful girl I ever met who’s so put together at your age. I know you’d be the perfect wife and mother one day, but I feel like I’m not good enough for you. You deserve amazing, and I don’t think I’m there yet.

So why embrace me like you did? Why kiss my hands? Why show so much care and desire when you’re so unsure?

He raised his index finger to his lips as if to mime “Hush”. I felt the sting of fresh tears welling in my eyes.

Please don’t cry. Let’s just see what happens. The idea seemed so innovative, but it was a basic request. It would have to do. I couldn’t imagine going through life with the constant uncertainty. But I wanted him more than ever. As we walked out of Aroma his eyes followed my every movement, voluntary or involuntary.

He squeezed my right hand.

So where would you like to go now?

Home.

Are you inviting me to you apt?

If that’s what you want, you don’t have to, but I need to go home.

Well I’ll take you home.

I couldn’t imagine a longer day. My body had every emotion flushed through it in a matter of twelve hours. I needed to lie down. I needed just to be. He hailed a yellow cab, held the door open for me to get in, and followed behind me. I gazed out of the window, wondering what was happening to us. He put his left arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. Was this my life? I burrowed my face into his chest; I could hear his heart beating. He kissed my forehead and whispered.

I'll always be right by your side.

Author's Note

i'm on a writer's block break write now. i hope to finish this novel by October...so please please let me have it with your reviews.