If They Were Invisible

Flash fiction about a hypothetical possibility. Involving breasts.

"I'm just so fed up," Sheila muttered. "They're just... It's such an invitation, y'know? They're right there. Anyone can see them!"
Geoff sighed. "Yeah, it can be a real problem. Even for a guy."
A mischievous smile played over her lips. "Sometimes, especially for a guy."
Geoff rolled his eyes. "Shush you. Ok. Ok. How about this?"
Sheila leaned in closer, her bare forearms clearing a space on the pub table. They had been sat in the shabby little garden for a few hours now, and accordingly the detritus in front of them included several mostly-empty pint glasses, two coffee cups drained to the dregs and an ashtray liberally overflowing.
Geoff put his drink down and stubbed out his latest smoke. He leaned forward too, conspiratorially, swaying slightly.
"What about if they were invisible…"
He jiggled his fingers about as if to make the statement sensational. Sheila's only response to this display was a raising of one finely cultured eyebrow.
"No, really," he said, looking slightly offended, "Think about how many problems would be solved if they were invisible! I mean, not invisible. In… whatever that word is that means you can't touch them. Intouchable."
"Intangible, moron," Sheila said haughtily, drawing herself up and sticking her chest out. "And why would I want these to be intangible?" she continued, waving a hand over her perfect bosom. It was not overly large, but perfectly formed, such that when lifted likethis and brought together like that, the effect had caused many men �" and women, why be picky? �" to take a second look. Or a third.
"Because," Geoff said pedantically, "You were just complaining about men looking at them first! Make your mind up!" he huffed, the broad smile on his face exposing the lie in his tone.
"Ok," she replied, leaning forwards again, purposely leaning forwards ever-so slightly to grant him a visual aid. "So say these were invisible. Not just invisible; that'd be weird, there'd be lumps in my shirt and nothing there. And lumps in your trousers too. Sometimes."
Beyond embarrassment, for all the time they had spent together, Geoff just nodded for her to continue.
"They'd have to be… not just intangible, but just not there at all." A slightly sober note entered her voice, a sure indicator that she was putting real thought into this. "Everyone would have to be sexless; you wouldn't be able to tell who was male and who was female. Maybe it could be something you switch on and off." As she talked her hands went waving through the air, her eyes unfocussed.
Geoff was nodding sagely, then took up the thread of the theory. "Yeah; it'd suck if a man and a woman realised they were a man and a woman, then the man got the woman upstairs and was all ready to go, but because of the invisible untouchable…ness, he couldn't do it." He nodded as if what he had said was of great import, and gestured with his beer. Sheila just stared at him, then mentally discarded everything he had said as unimportant. Her voice gained clarity as new ideas and connections sprang up in her brain, cutting through the slightly brown-purple alcoholic haze. It was like the first lawn-mowing of spring, or the first sip of a latte.
"There'd be a whole new society formed around it. Think of advertising…" Her voice trailed off slightly as she tried to encompass the vast PR engine that seemed to be all-conquering. "Those M&S adverts, they'd go, for a start. In fact, bras, they'd be gone. Those pants that Beckham models, they'd be a thing of the past. Everyone would go commando… ha, no pants for you!" she crowed, drilling a long-nailed finger into the side of his arm, which was supporting his chin. He blinked a little, drawing back.
"Porn," he shouted.
One or two other people turned and looked round at him, but Sheila nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes! What would be considered pornographic in a society where genitals were invisible? I suppose… well, up to now, I've not thought about vaginas, but I suppose they'd have to be invisible too. Women might want to, for completeness. No more camel toes in those summer bikinis. So would porn just be the sexy switching off of an invisibility field?"
Geoff leaned forward in what he obviously thought was a seductive way. "She started to undress, slowly, teasing me in every way; stepping sexily out of her dress, I could see the smoothness between her legs." He moved closer and closer, twisting to get into her line of sight, desperately trying to get a rise out of her. "And then, with a smile, she switched off her invisibility cloak. I recoiled in horror!" he shouted, flinging his arms out, then letting them drop as he saw that he was having no luck in annoying her. In fact, she seemed to be agreeing with him! How rude.
"Yes! And think of, like, deviantArt, Facebook, Myspace; they're mostly breasts, aren't they?  Would the very idea of genitals become taboo, obscene, even to the normal people? Perhaps only the fetishists of the future would be interested. We'd be a nation of people doing it with the lights off."
She sat back, resting her hands on her jeans as revelations dawned on her. "Cup size wouldn't be a worry anymore. Penis size… Geoff, you'd never have to worry that you're too small!"
"Hey!" he snapped, fun and games forgotten now. "I'll have you know that-" he started, then stumbled to a halt as he realised she was giggling at him.
"You men. It's not the size, I keep telling you. It's what you do with it."
"Tell Brian that," he replied.
She rolled her eyes again. "Ugh, tell me about it. That man! I don't know what's worse, how he smells or the way he thinks he's chatting me up by telling me how many inches he is. It's so childish!"
"Why would we bother with clothes?" Geoff stretched, shaking off the miasma of drink. "I mean, there are a couple of reasons we wear them; to keep us warm, to protect us, kinda, but also to cover our genitals. We're too aware of them. If they were invisible, and it was warm, I might go naked."
Sheila's eyebrow quirked up again, but this time with a wry smile. "You could get away with it, Geoff. Some, well… we're back at Brian again, aren't we?"
"Yup."
They both fell silent for a moment. Then Geoff's eyes lit up again. "What about…" the widening grin on his face silenced him for a moment with sheer excitement, prompting her to poke him. "Ok, what about piercings. Extreme ones. They'd be invisible too… but what if they weren't? They'd just kinda float!"
"I'm not sure I like the sound of that. There are some pretty extreme piercings to be had."
"Hum," he replied, subsiding, "I guess so. Actually, yeah, that'd be kind of gross."
Sheila banged her empty glass onto the table. "Whose round is it?"
Geoff looked a little morosely into the bottom of his own glass, likewise empty. "Mine, I think. What'll it be?"
"Same again."
He went to rise from the table, then stopped and slumped back down again. She looked at him, confused. He started to blush, redness creeping outwards from his cheeks.
"Er, would you mind getting these? It seems this conversation has had more of an effect than I thought." His eyes flicked downwards, and her expression cleared.
"Oh. Oh! Right. Ha! See, SEE? A use for it after all! This wouldn't happen if they were all invisible!"
Sheila spun round on the bench, swinging her legs over and then standing in one smooth movement. Leaning over the table, giving him what could only be a pleasant view, she lowered her face level with his, which was now almost beetroot with embarrassment.
"After all," she purred, "What are sisters for?"