Eyes of Mystery

Feeling red in the face and sick to his stomach, just being told he’s been used for comfort and attention. He wasn’t surprised at first and to tell the truth his shell went up and he started to block everything out. It all soaked in of course and as the keys go click click his heart goes thump thump in his throat. His brain says it’s ok, she did the right thing. His chest says different, his tearing eyes say more. He just wants to go to sleep and hope not to wake up. He just realized all of the small hints “you really do like pain? You keep coming back?” He learned too long ago that he can’t quite on someone else no matter the cost. Maybe that’s just the want a be soldier in him.

She just answered his question of friendship and his face went red and a single tear went down his cheek. His breath is in gasps and his throat hurts badly. He looks around for a lighter but just for a second and then dismisses that notion. His head hurts badly but his chest hurts worse. She was one of his best friends in his eyes, one that he could talk to if he had a problem with something, one that made him laugh. Does he kill all of his friends around him that easily? Is he that bad? No, no it can’t just be him. Right? God it hurts so f*****g badly! Why does this pain keep coming back!? Why?

            The clicking stops and his tears seize. His anger rises and he goes back to hating and feeding off that hate. No that’s not what he learned! He can’t give up. He accepts that she doesn’t like him that way but he won’t stop being her friend. That won’t f*****g happen!

            He should be used to feeling used and he is in a way but being told no more friendship, that hurts more than a lighter could ever.

            He decides that he can’t do anything about what she decides is best for her. In a way he wishes he was that other guy but then decides that this was just how things go. She wasn’t the one. She was never in his eyes because of her looks either but because….of that mysterious side that drew him towards her. Those eyes of mystery that he just can’t figure out. Oh well….time to just “chillax”.

Author's Note

fling of my mind in my desperate moments help give birth to my feelings