A member, I am just a villain.

A true story of my life past year, that started the final day of 2015 and ended in mid spring 2017. These parts and this work is also some part of the reason of my odd blog post. i just started this

Preface and author's note

MEMOIR- (A collection of memories an individual writes about concerning a collection of periods of life or one of and or both public and private events in said individual's life, a “story in a life” some might say, the touchstones or turning points in life.)

I'm not writing this to publish it, or even so, if I do publish it I will heavily edit or change it as to avoid stepping on toes and deflating a personal image, this is a memoir of sorts, my memoir. There was much omitted from even this almost uncensored copy, because it could involve CPS or ruin reputations of those undeserving, i just needed to vent and get so much off my chest and breath, I am Z, as i mean the author, Ashton S. and Z are one in the same, Z is based off of a user/ pen-name “Atsuki Zyx ( Z-ee-k-ss)” the Zyx are, I guess, a personal metaphor for starting from the end, the reason for writing in a 3rd person abstract is to not add animosity or too much unneeded emotion, i want accuracy, for that is how i wish to be remembered, from the end to the beginning, for the end is all that matters, the journeys and karma in between build it, for we are not who we were, but are who we are now.

I have as of the point of writing this never had a good relationship, as of the point of the start of this i have already been dumped three times, AK, Em,and Ab, who i re-dated as you will learn, all ended horribly, but nothing was to prepare what is to be told within this memoir, i'm sorry dear actor or reader for making this so long, for it is only my first draft and is due and subject to change.

Honestly I never intended to write about myself at any point in time, I view it as taboo. Due to some persuading and some rather dramatized moments  in my life I decided otherwise. It is not my intent to foul anyone else's name but my own, although some people admittedly deserve it.

-I only wish the best for everyone in this, and those it was written about but saying that i wish to portray everything in as accurate of light as I can.-

Thank you for listening, reading or acting this , who knows it may someday be published or acted.

Yours in fellowship-

Zyx / Ashton S.

Ps: I reserve rights to not answer any questions or to explain what happened, feel free to ask or proceed with concerns, just understand I may ignore them.

Characters

Z-m/ lead, awkward, outgoing, lover, kind, sometimes talks too much, tries hard but fails., highly intelligent, false showboat, always busy and doing something, never stopping or relaxing, sometimes lost in thought.

K-f/, shy, outspoken to Z, love intrest, year younger than Z, introverted, stubborn, broken, unassuming geek, unconventionally beautiful, world's always ending

Han-f/ internet love, kind broken, silly, understanding, nerd, ditzy but smart { glasses}, many problems at home and

Ab-f/ Narcissistic, fake sweet, rude, think basic, punk/goth, loud, opinionated, already a spotty history with Z

Em-f/  friends, loyal, compassionate nerd, hyper, understanding,

Al-f/blunt,rude, comical,unconventional beauty, loyal, always has Z’s back

Ethan-m/Z’s best friend, almost too close,fiercely  loyal, loud, funny dirty humor,  big stocky guy not always that bright acting

Dan-m/ Z’s cool and chill cousin, honest and kind-hearted, jockish, but intelligent

Chase-f/, spunky, very short, loud but hyper, carrying , over worrisome

Gd-f/internet friend, young and opinionated, super sarcastic, caring ,  a depressed chase, big back story needed

Hailea-f/ internet friend, hopeless romantic, history w/ Z, caring but overbearing

Manna- f/ good friends and fellow classmate with Z, sometimes too close or too distant from Z

Cole-m/, Ab ex , Kas bf through most of the acts, Z >neutral , Hate>Z, jockish, red hair,

family2-

(Dad-m/father of Z, kind warm hearted and open, sometimes sharing too much with Z, but always supportive and loving)

(Shell-f/stepmother of Z, a but more harsh, but loving, caring , hardworking)

(Sky-f/younger sister,only a few years younger than Z, sarcastic, nerd, typical teen D&S )

(Bel-f/younger sister,few years younger than Sky, always worrying about everything, hyper, typical kid D&S)

(Aaden-m/younger brother, youngest, very young 6/7, typical little kid, but understanding for his age D&S)

family1-

(Mom-f/Z’s mother, overbearing and too harsh, always belittling, and really round about about expressing love, always “too busy” to help Z or never has time for her son )

(Steve-m/Z’s stepfather, a bigger man,with a loud mouth and always critical of Z, and always hidden and busy.)

(Justin-m/ Z’s step brother and oldest sibling, 10yrs older, kinda close, but don't talk much, or interact a lot, but  have mutual respect)

(Jordyn-m/Z’s stepbrother, 7 years older, distant, no real interaction with Z, just ignores him)

(Cy-f/ ,Z’s older sister, shady, rude, harsh, lazy, favorite of parents 1 and harsh against the siblings, mooch liar )

Skaggs-

(Lori-f/ Ethan's mother, kind and loud, always wishing to help Z, kind and warm although critical against Ethan)

(Nat-m/Ethan's little brother, about bel’s age, energetic, but not always the brightest)

(J-m/Ethan's  father , kind hearted but gruff, always asking if he can help or offering advice)

Misc- Dakota,Gilmore,Kris,Donahue, random students, teachers,parents and other NPC’s

Intro-

VO of Z: Dear reader, dear watcher, dear actor, I am no Shakespeare,  What you will bear witness is a fairly real and accurate recounting of what the author Z witnessed and took place in, although some parts over dramatized or slightly different , it is in its overall view a real, accurate account of someone's life on a little under a two year period, albeit condensed and a bit out to time scale.Take this how you wish or take what you will.”

Act ONE {winter> early spring}

Scene 1 start

( Enters USR speaking on in a hushed whisper to Z, both are dressed casually and are on what appears to be a walk, slowly stops when they reach CS and talk to each other)

Ethan: “She did what?” {In disbelief}

Z:” Yeah Cy through a big fit the other day, Mom and Steve are pissed, for once at their little” ( sarcastic voice and air quotes) “Princess”, it's just so annoying ya know”

Ethan:And they are still letting her go to the party as Em’s?

Z: “Yeah, speaking of which, i need to be heading off and getting ready for that.”

Ethan: “Oh, Okay well  see you man.”

Z: “See ya” ( Fist bumps, Ethan ext  DSR)

( Set change as Z Walks over to  door of Em’s  barn a during New Year's Eve party , Cy is waiting for Z impatiently .Opens to see Ab and Em playing cards at a foldout table.)

Z: “Hello, and happy new years”(Walkes in USL)

Em:” Well hi-ya, how are you guys, thank you for coming.”(Said energetically and rapidly from her place playing card at the table.)

Ab:(Without looking up)”Hey, whats up”

Cy:(Runs a bit too excitedly to hug both) “Heeeyyy, I missed you guys”

Em:(Unenthused) “Hey Cy,” ( gives half annoyed hug), “you saw me yesterday”

Cy:(Turns to hug Ab) “Its feels like forever Ab, what have you been up to.”

( Z moves quietly to the corner alone, separated but engaged, listening as the girls begin  to catch up)

Ab:( Clearly not enthused but with a fake smile) “Hi Cy, how are you.” ( Glancing at me and mouthing “W.T.H”silently Z shrugs and gives a apologetic smile.)

Em: “Well Z, what's up how is break?”

Scene 2

-Relationship with siblings (Sky,Bel,Aa, parents2/ Cy)

Scene 3

-Working at the BK (Al intro)

Scene 4

-Starts to feel sad( goes silent and a soliloquy of me writing poetry & giving up saying its pointless)Fighting with parents1 (parents1/Cy Leaving, ethan comfort/ quit bk, dan and i chat)

Act TWO{ early spring> summer}

Scene 1

-Band start ( argues w brandon /calls al)

Scene 2

-Overshadow (Chase and Gd intro, parents start to ignore me in favor of trying to learn why cy left.)

Scene 3

-Group chat(kik group is formed, crazy conversation, z is a bit distant)

Scene 4

-Relationship (Chase > Ab, Chase/Z)

Scene 5

-Dep (chase,gd,hailea are worried about my current melancholy behavior,Manna)

Scene 6

-Senior prep/ rumors (em,dates with ab,hanging w/dan returns and me and him talk about love, manna warns)

Scene 7

-prom ( Ab abandons me at prom em>av, manna>hawk)

Scene 8

-making strides( Han intro, flirting and love interest, turns to just friends Band season  Note trade’/ fighting with band members)

Act THREE{ fall}

Scene 1

-Al goodbyes( Note trade’/ allie and me meet and she bids farewell and goes to college)

Scene 2

-Band ends( Note trade’/ relieved as band fighting hits climax.)

(>sneaking out<)

Scene 3

-Play and Chase( perform the play,/ and i am happy flirting with K on stage during performance/chase flips about K/ K and me go quiet.)

Scene 4

-Losing Ethan( starts to lose him to his new friends)

Act FOUR { winter- spring}

Scene 1

-J takes a turn( i shouldn't need to add much to this.)

Scene 2

-Han offline ( lonely as Han goes silent saying we should stop,

Scene 3

-Bring K back ( in sadness I beg K back and somehow get her kinda back , sits with her in her car)

Scene 4

-Cole and Em( quick rendition of Em’s drama pertaining to romance/ talks to K about going on a date , lovey dovey ect.confused hears cole and k breakup))

Scene 5

-Musical performance( as I get ready for performance , i see K with a new guy and i freeze , but press forth with a veil of false happiness, perform , but her in view the whole time, my heartbreak and sadness becoming more visible with each passing moment.

Scene 6

-Rock bottom( getting news , going to fail HS,fighting with parents, Cy causes drama,  tries in vain to contact Al, Ethan, Em, all save Chase/ soliloquies  about being alone and how much of a grenade speech i have.(visits K one last time)

Scene 7 Final

(Curtains open to a dark stage - spotlight comes on to reveal Z sitting alone at his desk scribbling and writing quickly in a notebook , occasional mumbles are heard but all are illegible pages turn and finally with a air of resolution , Z regally writes a last line and stands leaning over the book.)

Z: “Finished, finally” ( Z picks up the book and walks around the desk) “,finally every problem that plagued me is written down” (Z hugs the book then drops into the trashcan and walks away leaving the stage dark and desk lit).

VO of Z: “Dear reader, dear watcher, dear actor, this is my final act, to retell and to entertain, for I am no Shakespeare, but I  hope you enjoy, my tale, and can empathize, thers have it worse,  others have it better, but i am not them and they are not me.…”

...Fin…

Items needed

• Playing Cards

• Love notes * ⅝

• Notebook pen

• Foldout table/ 4 chairs

• Non-school desk / chair

• Trashcan

Costumes

• Z-Typically dressed in clean but wrinkled, plain black/ gray tee-shirts and jeans, longer shaggy hair, unkempt but clean, always in a hoodie or unzipped jacket. Tired rolled out of bed look.

• K-Typically dressed in clean pressed well put together black or dark blue shirts/dresses, dark make-up, deep red lipstick, unconventionally gorgeous.

• Han-

• Ab-

• Em-

• Al-

• Ethan-Covered in grease or soot, blue jeans or athletic shorts, messy short hair,well kept facial hair ( chinstrap or goatee), country plaid work jeans and graphic tees.

• Dan-

• Chase-Bright pink or light green dresses, loud shirts and multicoloured pants, short well kept hair, well put on make-up.

• Gd-

• Hailea-

• Manna-

• Cole-

• Dad-Black tee-shirts, flannels,typically in jean shorts

• Shell-Nurse scrubs,or casual summer cloths.

• Sky-

• Bella-

• Aaden-Graphic tees,mixed matched socks and multicolored kids clothes.

• Mom-Conservative look, business casual dress.

• Steve-UPS uniform, or dull gray shirts and farm work pants

• Justin-

• Jordyn-

• Cy-Ragged and messy, unkept, unclean, black and red cloths.

• Lori-

• Nat-

• J-Large blue button-up work shirts and blue jeans and a hat.

Sets

Em’s barn -

Dad’s house -

Bk -

School band room -

School lunch room -

Hallways -

Parking lot -

Ethan’s house -

Mock play stage-

Mom’s house inside and out-

K’s backyard-

Z’s room -

Inside of K or Z’s car-

Screens/phone -There are a few ways to do this, but I had in mind a big screen against a black or dark background,with a screen-text/VO, Take account it may be 2-5 people on a message chat at any point. Follow your best judgment and come up with creative ways to resolve this idea.

_Afternote_

I started this in a bitter and rather desperate attempt to relieve all the pressure and pain in my head and heart, I felt so alone in this time. Even if not straight outright,there were times yes, that I felt alive or fine, but I feel so alone,and it is only getting worse as you noticed. At points in this I was debating just to end it how I wanted to, with a tearful death, or do a 180 and make the ending happy, like gleefully graduating and finding love, and having Z be happy, but honestly that's absurd. As of writing this I don't know what I will pick or if I may just up and make a 3 alternative endings, the reason I don't follow the story trend and write what happened, even in a skewed sense, is because ,i am neither dead, nor happy and life continues to drag me down. I'm drowning myself, and it's not getting better.

Goodbye dear actor or reader… Have a Nice day, a nice life and may tragedy not befall you.

Yours in fellowship

-Ashton S.-

☷          

Author's Note

this is still in its early stages of work, i have it started, but I'm not just fumbling around for fuller, i have all of this memorized or written, they are as stated, mostly if not entirely true events.