Outside

I feel empty inside.
Every day.
The feelings gone, so much easier to hide.
But there is something.
A sensation a'gnawing,
The knife helps take away the bitter sting.
I indulge in euphoric pain
The sunshine to my otherwise grey days.
Although it does little for the rain,
Always in my head.
I've never been - and never will be - good enough.
Pretty close but not quite.
The pressure is building and this stuff -
Threatens to topple my sanity.
So back to carving I go.
It really isn't that bad!
At least it reminds me I am still alive.
The pain is lovely.
And my heart, a volcano.