Sacrifice

I try not to think about you
But I do
Perhaps it is the way you move
The exquisite, elegant, haunting gliding of a ghost
A half-memory, faded and distant.
Or the way you speak that captivates me so.
Powerful thunder and subtle breeze
Strong and gentle.
The voice of confidence that wretches such as I thirst for
That unshakeable conviction.

Is it your pulchritude
That sets you apart?
The beauty you posses dazzles my eyes
And sets my heart aflame with fearsome fury
A beauty worthy of the brushes of artists of old
Or a place in a sonnet by famed poets?
A perennial beauty that marks you a strain superior.

Your very person has me in iron-grip
Leaving me here,
Cold, afraid, alone
Awake in bed
Visited by phantoms of doubt and worry and fear.
You tear down the walls I've solicitously constructed
As if they were made of mud.
And you invade my thoughts
Worm your way into my skull,
A beautiful parasite,
And kill my confidence by shredding it to pieces.

I watch you from afar,
Awed!
For being close to you would be an elation and a death.
It would bring me great pleasure and joy
But untold pain, too.
For I know it was not to be,
A poltergeist love,
Unrequited.
You deserve better than I.