Changes

Lengthy.

So summer is over.
The heat is fading,
As is the green in the trees.
School is starting again.
I'm already scared to go back again.
The rain is more frequent now -
And unlike the rains during those three months that we had -
The time of our lives.
Hiding in the shade under the trees,
We would watch the sky and the birds and the bugs,
And the waves crash along the beach,
Where the sand was hot between our toes.
At night we would watch the fireflies and the stars,
Or the fireworks on Friday nights.
I didn't want it to end.
And I hope,
You didn't want it to end, too.

It was in that terrible heat that we grew close,
Complaining about it but still going,
On our little adventures,
Staying outside until the sun went slowly down -
It always seemed to last forever in the summer -
And the hot, hot night came slowly creeping on.
We would run in the park,
And tell each other secrets,
Or dream our little childhood dreams,
Talking about our favorite cartoons -
Or which character on Avatar was the best.
You were partial to water, yourself,
Where I was the one who was awed by fire.
And there would be times that it would be just you and me,
Alone on the boardwalk,
With no friends or parents around,
And we would be different then -
Quieter, more mature.
We would talk about worries and aspirations -
Yours always changed.
I never knew mine.

We always dreaded the coming of August -
The end of fun, the beginning of school.
It was a long run, you and I.
From kindergarten to junior high;
We had each grade, each class together,
We were inseparable.
We would laugh in Spanish,
And silently curse in Math:
We were no good with numbers,
Although you were better at it than I.
And then, one day, summer came round again
And we were leaving junior high.
The day they gave us our reports, our cards, our future
But back then it didn't matter if you were going to a different school -
We swore that we'd still be friends.
A promise we both intended to keep.

That summer was different,
Something on the wind -
Change.
We were at the crossroads of our lives.
But we still hung out and talked and laughed,
And sometimes cried over the phone at night, in quieted sobs.
We would take turns comforting each other - but I was more prone to rage than you were.
The beach was different, too crowded, we said.
As was the park, with new faces that didn't care about the things we did.
So we stuck to our cell phones and the internet,
And private messengers, too.
But then came August.
And it was different this time, too.
More savage and strange.
We were at the crossroads, you and I,
And we were both beginning to change.

My first day at my new school was frightening - not a soul there that I knew.
And, somehow, I knew, before we spoke that night, that yours was frightening, too.
I hated the place,
I hated the kids,
I hated the teachers,
I hated my classes (all save, of course, for English. But they didn't call it English - it was Literature, now).
But you loved your school,
You loved the kids (you made new friends)
You loved the teachers (they were all so cool)
You loved your classes.
But we still spoke,
We were still friends.
Then came chilly October,
But we still spoke.
I hated my school even more -
So I was beginning to cut.
You were, too,
But I was alone. I didn't make new friends,
I was too caught up in the past - with my old friends, like you.
You cut, too, but you were hanging out.
You had fun, where it was scary for me, dodging deans and guards.
You even got a boyfriend
Then two
Then three
And I asked "how?" And you said "easy".
And I got a little jealous.

The leaves were changing, then,
From green to orange and brown,
Then red,
Before the fell and hit the ground.
You were changing, too,
Into something I didn't recognize.
But now I realize -- so was I.
You liked different things, you talked differently.
Whereas I was the opposite. I hated the things you were beginning to like,
And mocked you for it.
You were dating now, guy after guy.
Until, one night, you called me.
You said you've had enough with the losers,
Then a guy comes on and tells me how you feel about me.
I remember I hung up. I didn't mean to make you cry.
And, then, weeks go by,
You messenged me on the internet and told me the same thing -
And I told you I didn't like you
And that it'd be best if we were friends
And that you should find someone else
And that you deserved better than I.
I guess I didn't realize how deep you felt,
How insensitive I was, back then.
I guess I realize now that that was our goodbye.

But now I realize that I cared about you, too.
Maybe not the same way, but still.
Caring is caring, and it runs deep.
And stays strong, never changing,
Unlike the seasons or the leaves on the trees.
And now I'm stuck here,
With you,
In the summer, watching the waves
And the leaves change color.
We no longer talk - we lost contact years ago.
But I think about you, and I miss you,
And I wonder if you do the same for me.
Where have you gone, I wonder? Have you gone far?
I hope all is well within your world,
And I'm sorry for nearly destroying it.
I hope you are well and successful.
I hope you've fallen in love with a man that is better than I,
But that changes nothing, my friend, my dear friend,
For you're always in my heart and my mind.