when the rain comes, gently

the forgotten sunset

a burnt umbra crayon

I never used

a half-broken promise

reflected in a fractured mirror

 

whirlwind shards of truth

buried in a frozen deception

those selfish lies

silent accusations stir

an icy drizzle of resentment

 

when the rain comes, gently

our temperatures falling

lost innocence

simmers over a low flame

it’s never over when it ends

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

I'm "returning the love." Here, you can have it back.

Seriously, I think the first two stanzas are particularly strong. I can't choose a favorite between them, but the first two lines of the last stanza don't seem to go together well for me, and you break the form for the last line (i.e. no ellision, it happened a line earlier). Maybe you intended that switcheroo, but I don't know what would fix it. our temperatures fall Is that better? Don't know.

I still love it.

[Ice QueenJen]

No the pain never goes away- no matter how long it is.

[Katie Foutz Voss]

I find the last two lines of this to be especially powerful. "It's never over when it ends." That is so true... for so many things.

[Natasha Ashway]

when the rain comes, gently / our temperatures falling

What nice lines you write, O Atlanta! :-)

Lovely!