3

part 3 of the story

Chapter 3

She'd known it was going to be a bad day when she woke up. She didn't even want to get out of her room. The world seem terrifying, judgemental, ugly and way too much in every way.

She tried to find the positives in her life - her family who loved her but then she'd never really done anything for them. Her job, which she loved but then she was expendable. Her boy? But would he love her with her darkness? Finding that out would need her to be alive for another day -- so that was something.

It was all around her, this simple nothingness that slowly engulfed everything. Before she knew it, she felt she was nothing too. Everything she was seemed to her as being a figment of someone's imagination; someone who was not very nice.

She pushed back, held on to wanting to be alive one more day. "Think back, remember how people compliment your work; how your little sister lights up when she sees you. Just one more day. That's all you need to fight back."

He called her then and she took this as a sign of her needing to stay alive. "See, he needs me, he likes me. Its all going to be fine."

If only that hadn't been the day he'd decided to give her an ultimatum. "This is going nowhere; I pull, you push -- lather, rinse, repeat. This is not sustainable. Just let me love you. It could be so easy if you'd just let me try." And that was it. She let her words go. She knew they'd hurt, maybe she wanted them to hurt him. Sometimes the need to stay alive can manifest itself in this ugliness. That the only way to be alive is through pain; yours or someone else's. 

"You think I don't want to try? You think I want to be an insecure wreck who is constantly trying to fight off all the negativity? You think I like being on the periphery of suicide? I want to be the one who writes a success story about leaving her depression behind. But I can't. Everything feels harder than it should. So not only do I feel unaccomplished about letting time pass me by but I also feel the guilt. I wish I knew the person I was going to be, but I don't. This is my adventure and I'd love some company. Will you come with me? No questions asked? Can you go down a road when you can't see the destination? It's an easy choice to make, join the ride or get out of my way."

Suddenly, it was her ultimatum and he was left reeling. Depression? Suicide? Why was she saying all this? He felt hurt and rejected but there was an invitation there somewhere too. Wasn't there? He didn't know what to think anymore. For a simple man these words sounded like something out of a nightmare. How could he want out but not want to let go? It was like playing tug of war against his own heart.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I felt the sadness and the struggle. Sometime people hide their sadness and fear. Find death to be a better road. I lost two brothers to suicide and no-one knew why? A strong chapter. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Athena writes]

Thank you for your kind words. I hope you feel invested in the characters?

[Coyote Poetry]

They are good characters and you are welcome.

[richieb]

Athena, Good use of dialogue to put more life in your characters. Your story is deep, your characters vulnerable, drawing readers to become attached to them. Richie B.

[Athena writes]

I'm not sure about my dialogues and how to use them better so any critique of that is very welcome. And thank you very much about the note on vulnerability, it means more to me than you could ever know.

[richieb]

Athena. your dialogue is strong and good use of descriptions within the story telling. Your writing has a polished feel to it. You have natural writing skills. please believe in yourself. I enjoy reading your story. Richie B.

[Athena writes]

You are so kind. I will read this review on my darker days.