2

part 2 of the story

Chapter 2

They had grown up just a few miles apart in a big city; but didn't meet until years later. Their worlds developed in the strange crowded isolation that a chaotic city has to offer.

But before finding each other, they both fell in and out of love with friends who turned into strangers they once knew. Crazy loves with hallucinogenic dreams, carefree loves that ended with smiles -- those were the easy loves of childhood and the dramatic affairs of teens.

Her name was Anya and she couldn't remember a time when enough was good enough. She had these feelings inside that always seemed on the edge of taking her over. But she wanted to stay in control.

Her emotions were always heightened, the smallest thing would make her cry or bring out gasps of joy. A taut string breaks easy and without anyone to understand her, her tipping point was an easy destination.

Neel loved his life. He'd done all the things expected and a few not. He was a boring accountant but specialised in arts & entertainment. He kept his passions alive and revelled in having become the man he wanted to be.

He was the calm port for her storm; one she used without acknowledgement. But that was okay because he liked that she felt safe with him. It was when the safety became boring, she just had to keep breaking away. But that was okay too because how can you come back if you don't leave?

They met and instantly felt a little taste of hope. Then they set about looking for more; which is the best and worst part. The nervous holding of phones, the misintrepretation of messages, the conversations that were both long remembered and soon forgotten.

He loved making her angry, she was at her most vibrant then. What he didn't realise is that her anger fed her depression; but neither of them understood. 

They pushed and pulled, fell in and out of silence. Both wanted more but gave less & less. He wanted her to be steadier, she needed a carousel of emotions everytime they met. Her disappointment became his insecurity which in turn led to her anger.

"Which place would you like to visit the most?"
"Paris with you, of course."
"If you really knew me, you'd know that the obvious 'romantic' spots aren't really my style."
"If you really knew me, you'd know that travelling isn't really my style."
"How can you not like travelling, there's so much to see out there!"
"There's so much to experience right here, if you'd give it a chance..."

Back & forth went on this game of 'you're great, but' till there were tears and long silences, over and over again.

Author's Note

part 3

Reviews

[Carolynn]

My favorite line in this chapter is when you said what he didn't realize is that her anger fed her depression - something I relate to in my first marriage. Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking we are meant to be with someone but time shows us that we're clearly not. Life's lessons can be hard!

[Athena writes]

Thank you so much for this review and showing me that my character was relatable and worth your emotion. I can't believe that a part of my imagination linked me to someone's heart and emotion. Thank you. Truly.

[richieb]

Athena, nice writing but you need to give your character more life, more showing,less telling. Trust your readers to see through their actions. You can do this. Richie

[Athena writes]

Thank you for your review. I would really love some help with this. Do you mean more dialogue? I'm not very good with that our continuity.

[richieb]

Athena, you are a talented writer, just give examples of the strengths and weakness's of your main characters. You can use dialogue or simply tell the story of incidents in their lives that show how they are made. Richie B.

[Athena writes]

Thank you. I will use this in the next chapter itself.

[Ryan Yates]

Hi, a few points to consider.

1. I think you're telling the reader a lot of information rather than setting a scene and letting the reader figure it out. I think for this type of story the key is all in the dialogue and you should show some of the information about their relationship in that dialogue. then you can intersperse some of the information in the pauses.

2. the dialogue is a little hard to follow, i would add new paragraph for a new speaker and maybe add speech tags.

3. I think the drama here in things like the long pauses, body language, looks etc and i think you should describe this.

hope this helps

[Athena writes]

1.that's a very valid point. I have never really written dialogues before so I tried to keep it very simple. I think I like having the drama play out in the beginning with song the stage and the next chapters can possibly be about what happens between them.
2. I'll try and remember that about the dialogue
3. That makes sense. I like the idea of action happening through body language.

Thank you so much for such an indepth review. I really really appreciate it!

[Ryan Yates]

no problem, please take a look at my book "the wall" if you have some spare time

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the discussions and the way you made the situation come alive. The ending left the reader with a knowing of sadness. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Athena writes]

Thank you for your help so much. I'm paying more attention to dialogue in my next chapter because of your feedback.

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm glad. Conversation made the characters come alive and you are welcome.

[Athena writes]

Thank you.