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Chapter 1

Would you like to hear a story of heart breaks? Of love so true that it felt it would last forever but didn't?

Or maybe you'd like to hear about the multi-hued lives of people who lived in glorious houses. Lives that seemed like something you saw once in a dream, with curled up pets, exotic furniture, warm rugs, paintings & books. People that were mysterious and welcoming all at once?

I can tell you tales of great ambition or the contentment of tiny pleasures. I can amaze and enthrall or I can bring the comfort of a good cry. I may not be the best but it shan't be for a lack of trying.

I am a story teller with a difference, my heros & heroines are flawed; there is rarely a happy ending. But like any well lived life, there is the promise of great joys and sorrows, the passion of being the best we can be and the quiet satisfaction of a smile earned.

My truest story is of a girl who had dreams that she didn't know how to fulfill and a boy who only dreamt dreams big enough for two.

She was animated, dramatic, prone to mad fancies and bouts of insecurity. She couldn't sit still, she had to see everything, taste everything, the world seemed to mock her if she let an opportunity go by.

She couldn't let an errant melody go without recognising a song, nor let a familiar face pass by without placing their name. The internet seemed to be the only thing capable of keeping up with her.

The boy never tried to keep up, he let her wander in the hope that she'd be back and she usually was. Till one day she wasn't...

She was just foolish enough to think herself wise beyond her years. Her need for validation and acceptance betrayed her simple heart. Nothing could stop her from wanting more than she had. But that wasn't her fault, we all have that elusive thing that should complete our lives, but as our lives change, so do our dreams. And we're always left a step behind.

Being left behind was her worst nightmare, but that's where he was - waiting.

They had so much in common but yet nothing at all. Simple families, simple homes but this simplicity propelled opposite reactions in both. While he embraced contentment and the easy happiness that came from knowing where he was going and where he'd been... she wanted more.

 

Author's Note

let me know what you think - anything at all. Are the characters relatable? Do you want to know more? Is the sentence structure too weird? Please be kind. i might fall apart a bit easily.

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

Interesting start. You've done a good job setting the tone and inviting the reader in further. This is a personal quirk of mine but may not be something you decide to change, but this chapter feels more to me like a prologue than a chapter. You could change it or keep it as is. Either way works.
A couple things I would suggest would be to work on punctuation and to tidy up some of the sentences; sometimes they feel a bit unorganized. Of course, easier said than done, right? Every story needs to be revised at some point. When that time comes for this one, I don't think you'll have much trouble making your words shine like gems. I look forward to reading more of this.

[Athena writes]

Punctuation and flow are both problems I constantly suffer from. But only because other people tell me. I just don't see it. That's why I need a good editor. Or I need to learn to be one. It is so tough to do that when the words feel so raw.

[Jacob Clifford]

A lot of people suffer from grammatical problems, most of whom don't like to admit it.

[Kelly Kat]

I love it. I love your writing style.
I can totally relate to the characters! You did a great job concisely, yet vividly, portraying their hopes, fears and drives.
The sentence structure allures me. It may not be completely traditional but I love the way you've done it. It reads as if someone is actually telling me the story. Very well done.

I also think it's a really great hook and it was difficult to stop myself from clicking ahead to the next chapter and not leaving you a review ;) (that's a good thing)

Only point I would tweak is this first line:

'Of love so true that it felt it would last forever but didn't?'

I'd just add in the comma:

'Of love so true that it felt it would last forever, but didn't?'

[Athena writes]

You are so kind. And yes will look at punctuation much more closely going forward. Oh please do read the other chapters. I honestly don't know what I'm doing and would love any criticism that you can send my way.

[Kelly Kat]

I always catch tons of punctuation errors in my own writing on every read through :P
It's hard to spot your own because you know what you intended it to say!

[Athena writes]

That's so true. Especially when you've never really written in that way before. Most of my real writing is funny and sarcastic so the punctuation and grammar and sentence structure is very unfussy.

[richieb]

Athena, excellent start. I am intrigued and want to read more. Good opening descriptions of main characters. Keep writing young lady. Many Blessings, Richie B.

[Athena writes]

Thank you so very much. I need all the blessings you can spare. I have never written like this before and I need guidance and help.

[maria ( rose)]

Athena writes your story is compelling. All respect to you. For putting such great thought and expressing it in a way is utterly fascinating.

enjoyed. I look forward to reading more of your Chapters.

[Athena writes]

Thank you. I'm currently working on the next chapter. I hope you keep reading.

[Carolynn]

your writing is wonderfully descriptive and easily absorbs you in the story. I relate to the girl, yet feel for the guy as he sounds like the real deal...I look forward to reading your next chapters

[Athena writes]

Thanks so very much for your review. If you relate to the girl do let me know what you think of her as the story goes ahead. I'd love your input.

[Rafy T.Nym]

I believe passion and patience both are needed to create a successful storyline. After reading this prologue,I think this novel contains wonderful combination of both of them.

Your writing style is inspiring and constructive,no doubt. I look forward to reading your next chapters. Best wishes. :-)

[Athena writes]

That is very kind. I'd love to know what you think of the female character is subsequent chapters.

[Rafy T.Nym]

No problem.I'll let you know after reading the next chapters.

[Paul Hunter]

I really feel like you fleshed out the female character. It's almost like I know her and exactly how she is.

[Athena writes]

That is such a kind comment and means more than you can imagine. I hope the first chapter makes you feel like reading more.

[Paul Hunter]

It definitely does.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. You gave enough. I liked the internal thoughts of the woman. Love is a test. We hope we can win. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Athena writes]

Because it is a first chapter I didn't know how exactly to begin. So this has been a very helpful comment. It's been a difficult sorry to get down.

[Coyote Poetry]

Story about love is hard. Hard to define love.