Coming Back to Life

Written sixteen years ago but still extremely relevant to my life, and recently rediscovered. It's somewhat intended that this (Healing 1) be read AFTER Falling Out (Healing 2), but optional.

Coming Back to Life

here i lay

i always lay here

warm inside

all alone

burning deep

rotting slowly

solid coffin

all unknown

something stirring

something moving

shovel scratching

from outside

out there somewhere

heart still breaking

cannot help them

not alive

lift me out

they cannot have me

go away

and let me rest

heal no wounds

they all reopen

find another

i chose death

do not bother

do not ask

understanding

unimportant

never question

question digging

answer stinging

reek of life

death is empty

void of craving

void of living

living hurts

death is empty

no beginning

no point bearing

pointless burns

life is heavy

all invading

death is empty

easier

death is heavy

all denying

self denying

self is gone

life is calling

rest has peace

heavy feelings

want to burst

velvet lining

in my coffin

so well groomed

my home of years

touch the velvet

lid is blinding

velvet binding

suit is grey

suit is aging

life is changing

world is changing

life invites

saw this coming

knew this waited

life is creeping

in the cracks

what is waiting

death is clutching

hesitation

scars from burns

recollection

introduction

introspection

lose my way

knees are shaking

bones have rusted

flesh of moss

crumbling

bare and naked

lost and lonely

this is life

it calls to me

deep depression

fires passion

old emotion

remembering

feelings anchor

death is watching

life is guiding

life is cold

death is watching

life is waiting

i am crying

family

i am laying

crumbling, shaking

feeling something

felt before

i am living

fearing caution

fearing all things

death has passed

life is waiting

for my signal

i am healing

growing new

life is waiting

i remember

will rejoin it

soon enough.

Healing, 1

June 26, 1998

Nathan Hawks