Blurred

So… What do you want to do with your life? It seems like a simple question. But it put a weight on her that pushed her on the ground. Since a couple of months she was feeling like she had no clue in what direction she was heading. Thinking she would be following the path already nailed down from society and family, she never gave it too much thought. But this semester abroad shook her to the core. She was feeling like the broad variety of choices and options were leaving her spinning around aimlessly. She couldn’t see clear in the moment and realized that she needed to focus on something. But what would that be? Who would that be? Where would it be? She deeply inhaled, welcoming the cloudiness of her mind that would follow. At least for a time, she wouldn’t think about the mess that was called her life. She had smoked pot before, but only when the occasion came up, together with friends at a party. The people didn’t even think she would smoke cigarettes, let alone take drugs. But at that point, she just needed it to sleep, to not think. When did her life become so blurred? A tear ran slowly down her face. She has behaved so differently in the past months. It doesn’t fit her character at all. Hurting people, acting like there is no tomorrow, no consequences. But now the guilty feelings kill her ability to smile. People around her don’t recognize it. They see her laughing, they see her having fun, and she tells everyone she’s okay. But she’s not. On the inside, there is no laughter, no joy. She is just acting like everyone supposes her to. Like she could betray herself with fake fun. So where is she heading to? A life like she wanted before? Or a life she never thought of but suddenly seems so attractive and adventurous?

As the marihuana kicked in she stopped to think. And feeling better for the moment.

 

Reviews

[Khance]

Right, just because you updated all your other stories... I was able to see this one also. I don't use this site so much anymore, so sorry for not seeing your writing before now Anja.

Okay, first to start. There are many errors in the english, but it flows very very well. It's easy to visualise everything and it draws out emotion from me... because now I question the smile of a girl I once knew in a country that wasnt ours. So, fantastically written. But it made me wonder about one last thing.

If you're this good at writing in English, how amazing are you at writing in German? :D

Sincerely,
Schmetterling.

[Aspiration]

thank you :)
and for the writing or grammar errors- I am not an English native speaker and no one corrected it.. So I am thankful to hear about that as well... ;)

[deer-heart]

I actually like the fact that you don't mention her name. Her name isn't important - she is the nameless. She's me, she's you, she's anyone who has ever felt as thought their life was blurring, like they were losing control and losing themselves with it... This really strikes a chord with me. It's the kind of piece that anyone could find a way to relate to, because we've all been there in some form or another, to some extent.

The only thing that really bugged me was "On the inside, there are no laughter, no joy." Laughter is singular, so it should be "there *is* no laughter." Small nitpick, but it really stood out because your writing was grammatically error-free up until that point.

[Sharpdeath]

I like it, other than the fact you don't mention her name.