Hope

Light seeped into the window as I woke. I turned over to see Easton already awake. “Good morning.” I said quietly. He didn’t say anything. He was staring out the window. “What is it?”

He turned to me. “There’s a line already.”

I sat up. “What? Why didn’t you wake me up?” The line stretched down the street.

“I just woke up.” He said as he opened the car door. I flung mine open and hurried out.

“Let’s go!” I said as I ran toward the end of the line. He kept the same pace. I turned around and hooked my arm in his. “Faster!” I pulled him along and he let me. We reached the end of the line and I unhooked my arm from his. He wouldn’t look at me. “Easton.” I said. “About last night. We can pretend it never happened. All of it.”

He continued not to look at me. “I don’t want to.” His arms were crossed and he still looked as upset as he had last night.

I worried. “Why? What’s wrong?”

He dropped his hands to his side. He turned to me. “What’s your name?”

My expression changed to shock, then back to normal. I’d still not told him. It seemed like we’d been through so much. We’d learned so much about each other, but I’d neglected to tell him my name. “Oh, it’s Allie.”

He nodded. “Oh.” Then he kissed me, hard and passionately. I wanted to pull away but something told me not to. I let him kiss me. I felt something wet plop onto my cheek and I knew it was a tear. He continued to kiss me and he pulled me close to him. He wrapped his arms around me and kept me there. Finally he pulled away. He kept his eyes on mine and continued to hold me.

“Easton.” I felt weak. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

He let me go. He ran a hand through his thick black hair. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He said. “When I kissed you… everything changed.”

I shook my head. “No they didn’t. Don’t fight it, Easton. That’s not something you just change.”

He looked confused. “You don’t know. You aren’t me. You don’t know what I felt, what I feel right now.”

I closed my eyes. “Easton. This is not okay. I don’t want to be used like this.”

He shook his head. “No. I’m not using you.”

A girl in line in front of us interrupted. “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t mind. You can use me any time you want.” She smiled.

He gave her the dirtiest look. “Mind your own business.”

My eyes widened and so did hers. “Easton.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

I felt like I needed to apologize. “I’m so sorry. I’ll try to keep him under control.”

I glared at him. He looked away. The girl turned away from us. “Please just listen to me.” He said. “I know what I feel. Maybe I’ve been wrong about everything else. Maybe I needed a reason to hate myself before but I know this is different. I’ve never felt this before.” He said with a pleading voice.

He looked vulnerable like he had in the hospital bed. I reached up and ran my hand in his hair. It was as smooth as it looked. “Look, East, I know it’s hard. You want to believe things that aren’t true because you’re afraid. I’ll make you a deal. If you still feel this way tomorrow I’ll consider believing you.”

He fidgeted. “Give me one day.”

I smiled. “I am.”

He shook his head. “No. Give me one day to be with you. If I don’t make it, then you know. If… if that’s okay with you. I mean… I don’t want to force myself on you.”

I stepped back. “Oh, no. Easton, have you seen yourself? It wouldn’t be hard for me, and not only that, I like you as a person in general. I would have no problem with this except I don’t want to encourage this behavior. I want you to be real. I want you to be you.”

He stepped in towards me. “I’ve never felt so real in my life.” I looked into his eyes and I saw proof. He looked genuine. I didn’t know what to do.

“Fine.” I said. “One day. I decide the outcome.”

A smile plastered his face. “Thank you for giving me a chance.”

I shook my head at him. “For the record, I already know the truth. I saw it written on your face last night when we talked. You can’t deny it. It will only hurt worse.” The line started to move. His hand gently grasped mine. I looked up at him. He looked happy.

The line continued to move. I kept stealing glances at him. His smile didn’t fade. I didn’t understand him. When we finally reached the ticket booth he tugged his wallet from his pocket. I pulled out the fifty from my pocket. “No. I’m paying.” Easton said.

I gave him a sideways look. “Um, no.”

He scowled. “Yes.”

I shook my head. “No. Don’t make this awkward, Easton.”

He looked down. “Fine.”

I hurried around Easton and he pulled me back into him. “Two.” He said to the lady in the booth.

I pulled away from him. “No. He only needs one. I’m paying separate.”

He threw a hundred on the table. “Seriously. Just give us two tickets.” The ticket girl did as she was told. I forced my hand out of his.

“I’m done.” I said. I grabbed my ticket and walked ahead of him.

“Allie, stop.” He said. I didn’t. “Please. I’m sorry.”

I stopped. “You’re making me crazy!” I shouted. “Every second you’re a different person! I can’t keep up. I just want you to understand me for once! I’m always the one that doesn’t understand you, well listen to me. Stop making me crazy! Stop trying to force me on you went this isn’t what you want! I can’t do this!”

His eyes filled with sadness. “I didn’t mean…”

I put my head in my hands. “Of course you didn’t. Just forget it.” I turned and walked away. Our seats were in the fifth row. I slid in. I just had to survive this. I needed to get to Zach and then all I had to do was leave Easton here. He sure wasn’t coming with us.

Easton joined me in the fifth row. “I think you can stand at the stage. Other girls are. You’ll be closer.” He said in a quiet voice.

“Okay.” I said. I stood up. He did too.

“I’m going, too.” He said.

“Of course you are.” I replied.

“Allie, get over it.” He said. The way he said my name sent a shiver down my spine.

I stopped. I turned around. “You get over it.”

He threw his hands up, then behind his head. “I don’t understand what’s going on! I tell you I’m gay, I kiss you and everything changes, to me at least, then you don’t believe me and you make me question myself, but if you’re right, why do I want to kiss you so bad right now?”

He kept his eyes on mine. He wasn’t hiding anything. He was being honest. This time, I kissed him. I pulled myself into him and kissed him the way he’d kissed me except this time it was different. We were both willing. The kiss got deeper. He held me tightly. I didn’t want to stop, but I remembered where we were. Zach. I pulled away. He tried to kiss me again. “Easton, no.” I pulled away from him. I looked around. No one had paid much attention to us. “We can’t do this. Not here.”

“Let’s leave?” He said. In his eyes I saw something I’d never seen before: A lust for me.

I shook my head. “No. I have to see Zach.” Something changed in his expression. Something changed in my mind and I spoke without thinking. “But we’ll pick this up later.”

His eyes got big. “Really?”

My face ran through a series of emotions as I tried to decide what to say now that my brain was back. Maybe this whole weird mess with Easton wasn’t bad. Things had kind of happened fast but a part of me didn’t mind. It was a weird feeling. “Uh, sure.” We stood awkwardly. We still didn’t really know each other but deep inside I felt the need to get to know him. Inside I felt the assurance that I would. The reason that things were happening so fast and that emotions were flooding my brain could maybe be because I knew this could work.

“We should probably try to squeeze in up there. It’s getting pretty full and I think it’s about to start.” Easton said with an awkward hand gesture.

“Yeah, sure.” I said. We walked toward the stage and pushed through people. Easton pulled me up near the stage. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He said. We waited there for what felt like forever until the lights dimmed.

“Hello ladies!” Stark Everett said as he snuck onto the stage. Everyone screamed.

“Zach?” Easton said into my ear. “Seems like a d****e.” I turned to him and gave him the death stare. “Sorry.”

“You guys ready to be a part of the greatest show you’ve ever seen?” Stark said as he bounced around the stage. The crowd continued to holler. Their shouts were deafening. In the air hung a fog. I couldn’t see Zach. I could only see the outline of Stark Everett.

“Let’s start with one of my favorites, maybe even yours as well.” Stark said as music brought the stage to life. The fog began to clear. Zach’s face appeared. I got chills. My face felt hot. My heart beat fast.

“Zach.” I whispered without thought. Nothing crossed my mind but him. God I missed him. “Zach!” I screamed.

“Allie, no.” Easton said as he grabbed my hand. I pulled away from him.

“Zach!” I screamed again. I just wanted to touch him. I wanted to be sure he was real.

“Allie, you have to stop.” Easton said. He grabbed my hand again. I took a deep breath. The music and screaming girls continued.

Suddenly, Zach’s voice filled the air around me. My body began to shake. My heart felt like it would explode. The moment in the woods when he sang to me flashed across my mind. Tears flooded from my eyes. His voice forced happiness upon me. “Zach, I’ve missed you.” I whispered to myself, then the world when black and Zach was gone.

 

        ~

“Allie!” I heard Easton shouting. Loud music continued to blare. A beautiful voice pulsed through my ears. “Come on. Wake up.” Easton said in a desperate tone. My eyes fluttered open. “Thank God.” He said. He held me in place still. “Just make it through this, you’ll be okay.”

My body shook. “Easton, I don’t know what’s going on.” I said. I lifted my hand. It shook fiercely.

He looked into my eyes. “We might have to leave.” He said in an unsure tone.

“No!” I shouted.

He looked away and then back again. “Come here.” He said. He pulled me toward him and lifted me into his arms. My body shook hard in his arms but the dizziness I had been feeling left me. I wrapped my hands around his neck and sunk my face into his shoulder. Zach. His voice continued to fill my ears, my mind.

I stayed in Easton’s arms the entire show. I didn’t even think about the discomfort this could be causing him, I just tried to breath. When the show ended he started to move. I didn’t know where we were going, and I didn’t have the energy to look. I felt helpless. What felt like hours later, Easton whispered to me. “Allie. You need to stand up now.” Other voices spoke softly in the background. He gently lowered me to the floor. I stood shakily and looked around.

Easton held onto me so I wouldn’t fall. My eyes cleared and I saw him. Zach was standing right in front of me. “Zach?” I asked. It felt unreal. I stumbled forward and gripped him in a huge hug. “Zach.”

He hugged me back. His smell rolled into my nose. I breathed in deeply. “Hi, Allie. Nice to meet you, but my name is Stark.” I pulled away.

“No, Zach?” I looked into his eyes. It was Zach. My heart fluttered. “I’ve missed you so much. It’s Allie.”

He smiled an awkward smile. “Well, Allie, did you want a picture so you can keep it forever?” He spoke to me as though I was handicapped.

“Zach.” I said. I knew there was hurt in my eyes. “You have to remember me. You’re my best friend. You… you saved my life. You’ve always been there. You couldn’t have forgotten me.” A tear slid down my cheek.

He looked unsure. “Um… Allie… I think you have me confused with someone else.”

I shook my head. “No. I… you told me you’d find me again. Well I found you first and… why don’t you know who I am?”

He backed up. “I’m sorry I just…” He trailed off.

I looked down. The ring nestled on my finger. The ring. “Here” I said. I pushed my hand and the wring toward him. He looked down at it. Something flashed across his face. I understood it. It was love, it was memory, I was truth. He knew who I was.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I don’t know what this means.”

I wasn’t afraid anymore. “What are they doing to you?” I asked in a soft voice.

His eyes held relief but I wasn’t sure what for. “Hey, why don’t I give you an autograph and I’ll move onto the next fan.” He took my arm and wrote down a number, a phone number. “Thanks for coming!” He said. Easton and I walked away. Pain filled my heart. I hoped I wasn’t to late. 

Author's Note

Any help is appreciated. :)