Truth

Late that night he was released. I’d sat around he hospital all day and had also gone to a few nearby restaurants for food. It was boring, but at least I felt like I had a purpose. I wasn’t waiting around in my car aimlessly until tomorrow. I was waiting for another victim of a reckless father and it felt nice to be able to free him. The receptionist allowed him to leave with me and Easton told her not to contact his father. She was forced to listen because, well, he was nineteen.

         We left the hospital and scurried to my car. Now that he was freed from his confines and we were free to socialize, it was kind of awkward. We really didn’t know each other. We only met yesterday and we were running away together. He was now an accomplice if he realized it our not. He was willingly risking everything by leaving with me. Again, we barely knew each other. It was strange yet freeing to know that someone other than Zach would put their trust in me.

         We drove to a parking lot near the stadium where “Stark Everett” would perform. I parked the car and turned to Easton. “This is weird right? It’s not just me.”

         He shrugged. “I guess. I mean. When we get to know each other it’ll be okay. It just takes time I guess.”

I thought about that. “Good God. If this works were going to be seeing a whole lot of each other and… wow. I never thought about that. We’re just two people with the same goal. I barely know you now, but in a few years we could be best friends. Like… Coming down here wasn’t just to find Zach was it? It was to find you. I came here because I was supposed to find you.” I felt awestruck. “What if coming here wasn’t to find Zach at all? What if I never get him back? Maybe I came here on a mission to find my best friend, and I found him, but that him was you.”

Easton just stared at me. A smile formed on his lips. “What if?”

I looked at him with questioning eyes. “Are you… Are you making fun of me?”

He laughed. “Yes.”

I looked away. I had kind of just blurted out everything that had come into my mind. “Sorry. That was a little… crazy sounding.”

He laughed again. “Yeah, but that’s okay.”

I looked back at him. I didn’t say anything I just looked at him. He looked back at me. I didn’t feel uncomfortable. There wasn’t much else for us to do. It seemed normal. It was a part of our nature. Taking in the details of someone was what we did. We seemed the same in that aspect. Others would have turned away, but we just studied one another.

I hadn’t really looked at him until now. He was actually very attractive. He had big deep blue eyes and silky black hair. His face muscles were strong but his eyes and mouth looked soft. His body was nothing special. He had muscle where it mattered, but he wasn’t too bulky. He was nothing special, but it intrigued me. The fact that he wasn’t visibly different than the average guy confused me. In my mind he seemed to sit differently. He just seemed different in the ways tat he spoke. I’d thought he’d look different as well, but he didn’t. He was normal. He was just like me.

I snapped out of my thoughts. He’d looked away long ago. He was staring out the window into the distance with a strange look on his face. I knew it was cheesy but I felt the need to ask. “What are you thinking about?”

His head turned slowly back. His eyes didn’t follow. A few seconds later they blinked back to me. “Do you really want to know?” His tone was serious. He was asking if I honestly wanted to hear about what he was thinking.

I felt my mind rush through a series of answers then settle on the easiest one. “Yes, I really want to know.”

He nodded slowly. He seemed to still be lost in his thoughts. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Finally he spoke. “I’m thinking about why you wouldn’t stay to talk to me. I’m wondering why you left, why you stopped after looking at me, and why you came to the hospital to find me. I’m wondering if maybe you are right and maybe you came here to save me.”

I thought about it myself. I knew why I wouldn’t stay to talk. I knew why I left. I knew why I went to the hospital. I didn’t know why I’d stopped and why I hadn’t just driven off. I thought back to that moment. There was something in his eyes that had stopped me. I’d connected with him in that moment and I hadn’t been able to go any further. Something in him kept me there. “You made me stop. Something in you wouldn’t let me go.” I looked into his eyes. He looked back.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“When I looked at you, there was something in your eyes that was telling me not to go. I couldn’t have left even if I’d tried. Something… you kept me there.” I explained. It sounded as dumb as I felt.

He looked away. He didn’t say anything for a few more minutes and then he spoke. “What’s weird is… I was begging you to stay. You looked like you were hurting and so was I. I wanted to know someone was as afraid as I was. I wanted to know that I wasn’t the only one that was living this piece of s**t life.”

I took a deep breath. “And I felt it. I’ve always wanted that too. I thought that maybe I was the only one.”

He shrugged. “Well you aren’t.”

I shrugged too. “I know. I’ve known. I just thought that maybe I was the only one that was buckling under the pressure. I thought I was the only one that wasn’t strong enough. I just thought I was so weak. To be honest, I actually kind of hoped I was the only one because if not, I was so much weaker than everyone else.”

He nodded slowly again. “Agreed.” He was back to looking distantly out the window. I missed Zach. I turned towards the window and leaned my seat back. I might as well attempt to sleep.

I snuggled into my seat and waited to fall asleep. My mind kept wandering to Zach. He’d be here tomorrow. I get to see him again. It seemed like I hadn’t seen him in years. I pulled his jacket close to me. I hadn’t taken it off since I’d left. I smelled the corner but the scent was minimal. He was slowly fading. I twisted the ring on my finger. I wondered if he’d remember it, if he’d remember me. I wanted to read the letter but I’d left it at the house. If they searched it, which I assumed they had, they would find it. It could lead them to Zach except he didn’t really exist anymore. No one knew what he looked like. No one had ever cared before he became Star Everett. No one knew him. He had no family. The only person that could alert the police was me, and I was here. I was the only person that knew Zach was missing. I was the only one who cared.

“Are you awake?” Easton asked from the passenger seat. I didn’t answer. I felt like being left alone with my thoughts. “Hey…” He paused. “S**t. What the hell is her name?” I stayed silent. We hadn’t exchanged names. I only knew his because the crazy manager had told me. He didn’t say anymore. It was silent for a while and I went back to my thoughts. The night Zach was taken played into my mind. He’d wanted me to come with him. Why hadn’t I? I’d been so stupid. I thought I could make it without him. I was wrong. So wrong. I thought I needed to stay there. Again, I was wrong. Instead I’d needed to leave. I shouldn’t have stayed. I should have listened. If I had, maybe we’d be okay.

“Hey.” Easton said. He put his hand gently on my shoulder. I still ignored him. “Listen. I know you’re awake. Tell me, why are you the only one looking for him?” I didn’t answer. “Doesn’t he have a family? I’m just… I’m just starting to wonder how much I should trust you.”

I turned over and stared into his eyes. “I’m the only one who cares. No one knew who he was. No one paid attention to us. We were alone and he was no one to anybody. His parents were constantly passed out and when they came to, they drank enough to pass out again. That’s why I’m the only one. I’m the only person he matters to.” He dropped his eyes.

He started to say something but stopped. He waited a few minutes then spoke. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

I started to turn back but then a question popped into my mind and for some reason, I needed the answer. “Why did your dad want you dead?”

He looked back up at me as I asked. A silence sat wedged between us. I didn’t think he was going to tell me, but I could tell there was a reason. “Well.” He paused. “Well, he found out…” He trailed off. “He found out that I’m gay.” He looked ashamed. “I never told anyone but he knew. Then one day… one day he… he caught me with one of my guy friends. We weren’t doing anything, just, I don’t know… he held my hand and… I… he saw us.” He paused again. “He was so angry. I told him that I hadn’t meant for it to happen. I was seventeen. I couldn’t play it off as a joke. Well… my friend… he killed himself because my dad let his dad know. He beat him, a lot. Things never got better and he couldn’t do it anymore.” He took a deep breath. “When my dad found out, he seemed so amused. After he died it started. I kept ending up in the hospital with an overdose. Everyone thought I was trying to kill myself. I just… I let them think it because I didn’t want anyone to know about me. So that’s why. That’s why he wants me dead. He doesn’t want a gay son.” He kept his gaze to the floor.

I sat up. “Easton.” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

He waved his hand. “No, it’s okay.”

I felt his sadness. It hurt. “No it’s not.” I reached over and hugged him. “You don’t need to feel like this anymore. You are free.”

He pulled away. “I don’t want to be gay.” He closed his eyes. “I just want to be normal. I want to feel okay.”

My heart hurt. “No Easton. You are perfect the way you are. Can’t you feel that? You’re so special. You’re so strong. You’ve been through so much and you are here. You should be proud of yourself.”

He looked up at me with a tear in his eye. He looked down at my mouth. “But I’m not.” Then he kissed me. Zach’s image pulsed through my mind. The day Zach and I kissed. We were fifteen. When we kissed we’d pulled away. We’d shouted ew and decided we would only ever be friends. Secretly I’d wished I could kiss him a million more times, but I’d worshipped our friendship. I still did. I wanted him to be my friend more than anything else. I wanted Easton to be my friend too. I didn’t want this.

I struggled and pulled away. “Easton, what are you doing!” He pulled away. Tears fell out of his eyes now. “Stop. Listen to me! This is not you. Don’t do this to yourself. Respect yourself enough to know that this is not what you want. Be yourself. Don’t try to change it. You are perfect. You don’t need to change. You don’t need to do this. Believe me. Everything will be okay.”

More tears fell. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want this. You have to understand.”

I put my hands on his shoulders. “I do. I understand. I don’t want to be what I am. I am ruined. I’m not pure. I’m depressed but I have to accept myself so that I can hope to one day be happy. I can’t change what I am. I can’t change the things that have happened to me, but I can accept them. They are a part of me. You can do the same. You can accept your own baggage and carry on. You need to.”

He pulled away from me. “Wake me in the morning.” He said. He turned and reclined his seat. He laid back and didn’t speak another word. I sat in complete silence. I wasn’t sure what to do. What had happened? He had nothing else to say? Stunned I turned back to the window and laid down. I fell asleep instantly. 

Author's Note

Any help is appreciated!