Angry

a true story.

                When I get angry, I get violent. I don’t act out on my frustration because normally I have control. I might be sitting still, but I’m definitely killing you in my head.

My younger brother, Ben, whose two and a half years younger than me, likes to bother me when he’s “bored”. Sometimes it’s poking me (which I absolutely can’t stand), staring at me as I go about my own business, or singing loudly when I’m trying to watch TV or read. Usually I can handle whatever he throws at me, but this time I was pushed over the edge.

                I had been washing the dishes, a chore that I absolutely refuse to do without the yellow rubber gloves that make my hands smell, when he came up behind me and started poking me with something.

                “Leave me alone,” I hissed at him. I was listening to my iPod with the volume turned up to the max. But he persisted in poking me. “Stop it!” I screamed. Then he reaches around and sticks the object in my face, which happens to be the Swifter Duster, matted with the grey molecules of dust.

                Furious, I quickly shut off the water, yanked off the yellow gloves and whirled around to face him. He had this look of utter amusement etched in to his chubby features.

                “I said leave me alone!”

                “No,” he said simply, giggling slightly.

                My breathing was erratic, my eyes were wide, glaring, and the palms of my hands twitched; I was pissed. If looks could kill, my brother would have spontaneously combusted right there in front of the refrigerator.

                I took a threatening step forward, daring him to touch me with it again. He stretched his hand toward me with the duster.

                “Touch me, and you’re in for a world of pain.”

                He touched me.

                I lunged forward, my arms flailing in front of me, my hands balled into fists. Ben, as he would normally do, curls into himself; his shoulders hunched, his head hidden between his arms. I kept screaming leave me alone as my balled hands connected with any part of his body that I could get to. I used my knees as weapons as well; pummeling them into his stomach and legs.

                I had been so caught up in my anger that when he started wailing, I froze. He pushed me away from him and I held my hands up in front of me, ready for a fight. But when I saw his face, I saw the red wetness of his cheeks, and the bumps and bruises starting to form from where I had hit him.

                “I’m calling mom!” he yelled at me.

                “So then don’t hit me!” I screamed back. I grabbed my iPod and dashed for my room. Sinking in front of my closed bedroom door, I curled into a ball. I plugged my earphones into my ears and blasted my loudest, moody music that was in my possession. Tears formed, and spilled from my eyes.

                I wasn’t sorry that I had hurt him. I never am. I was scared that I was going to get in big trouble. But that wasn’t why I was crying. I was crying because I wasn’t sorry. He’s my brother. Shouldn’t I be sorry? Shouldn’t I be apologizing? Why do I get so angry over something so small? What’s wrong with me?

                These questions are left unanswered.

Author's Note

This is all and nothing but the truth.

Reviews

[Rob Santana]

Asilem first its good to be honest with yourself that's a start to understanding what is going on with yourself. Second not cool to hit your lil bro. That's what bros/ sis do to each other for attention. But at the same time that's not cool for him to bother you. Listen I grew up with 3 younger sisters now that was rough. But we always sat down when we would get on each others nerves and talk it out. I love my sisters to death but. Yes there were times where I just wanted to pound them into dust. But in the end I love them. Sit down with your bro and talk it out. Read my poem HOUSE OF HORRORS you'll see what I mean. Thanks for sharing Sheldon I mean Asilem, hahaha I love BIG BANG!!!!

[Asilem]

Thank you for the advice, but I think right now where im at.. i just can't. and this happened a while ago... its not really this bad now. i just scream at him. :)

[Asilem]

Oh, and yes, BIG BANG RULES!!!!!!!!!!1

[Night]

...anger that turns into any kind of physical violence is bad....anger can be a good thing if it motivates a person into self improvement...just saying my dear friend...and thanks for being so honest....oh and one more thing...you can write...very good...:)

[Asilem]

I wasn't sure anybody would read this because most of my friends are poets, like yourself. So, Thank you. And thanks for the compliment.

[Night]

....you're welcome.:)