A part of me...

This is the last poem I wrote for(24/7 walking depression machine) definitely not the last but the reason this is being posted is because I didn't think I'd be able to tell anyone and then I wrote it.

I was confident

I was brave

I was happy

I felt feminine

My body was mine

I thought I was safe

I didn't think my spaghetti strap shirt was so invited

...especially to your eyes

 

I was young

I knew you don't wear stuff like this out

but I never thought it'd be an issue in my own house

I didn't know I needed to sleep with one eye open 

Would that of even stopped you...?

That night I felt a part of me leave my body and was replaced with a cold feeling

A feeling of dread

 

Of disgust 

and

Of embarrassment 

I was mortified and ashamed

I no longer held the confidants I once had

I second guessed everything I did becoming a coward

I didn't know how to find happiness its like it'd vanished

I couldn't look at my own body the same

I wanted... I want to hide myself 

Afraid of wandering eyes

Afraid the gap between my breasts will flash "PLEASE TOUCH ME HERE!!!"

My body wasn't mine anymore...

It was someone elses

I was simply trapped in a body i somehow could control

Now 

I wait for the day i learn to sleep through a night without waking up to every small noise...    

Author's Note

This is dark and heavy and I am sorry if it is too much for some but I had to let it out. Writing this made me feel a little better. A little bit of weight off my shoulders. Please review this. I love feedback. Thanks!!!