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“The weathers quite lovely today. Thunder roaring in the sky as rain falls endlessly on the dying grass in the backyard. It’s been cray moving in to this house, the whole place took almost 2 weeks to clean. After the backyards been cleaned up, the place would look more…complete. Isn’t the rain wonderful! It’s as if it attempts to wash away every speck of dirt, pain and sorrow. But not all pain can be erased so easily. You know once the grass grows back it would be so much fun to head out and dance in the rain without a care in the world. Eric would love it. The house has everything he ever wanted, his own room, a game room, and a huge backyard with a swing. It’s perfect. Everything is perfect.” I smiled at Dr. Barlow as he finished jotting down something in his notebook. It’s really nice of him to come here every other day for a ‘small chat’ as he calls it. Although I’m the one who does most of the talking.

“Alright Erin. This has been great! I’ll see you tomorrow” He picks up his cane and bag, heading out the front door as he dusts away the cookie crumbs off his beard and coat. He stops and looks back at me for a few seconds and stares before saying “You take care now!” as if to order me. I nodded and watched him disappear into the foggy Afternoon, Texas rain.

Even when we lived in the apartment everything was in a perfect routine. I’d be back from work at about 2 and make lunch in an hour before Eric got back from school at 3:00 pm sharp, and we always had lunch together. After finishing preparing Eric’s favorite food, pasta, I decided to sit by the window towards the backyard and admire the rain until he got back.

The last I sat this carefree was perhaps two years ago. Josh and I were happy together, and Eric was only 5 then. I can’t help wondering, maybe I should’ve tried harder. Maybe if I had tried harder, things wouldn’t have changed and Josh wouldn’t have stopped loving me.