Dream catcher

But
how could I ever forget
last night’s dream
    of the bleeding sun
    making her plunge
    toward his body
    of silk
how I watched your cerulean eyes
witness those delicate seconds
    before her total immersion
    into the reposed lilies
    and sleeping kelp
but just as her back
grazed the horizon
the moon arose 
from the evening dew
    showers of fireflies
    exploding from the lips
    of his yawn--
    an aria
    to her melting lobes
how I listened to the thrum of your throat
while you hummed along
and as we stood in their dusk
waiting for the exchange
    I swear time had been interrupted
    while they stared
    into each other’s iridescence
we could see them both
in all their glory
and with my arrival
back into the dawn
    it hit me like a sonic boom
    almost as if I were the sun
    and you were the moon

Reviews

[EdgarLovecraft]

well structured good rhythm

[Glen Yumang Manese]

From the last two into this verse...
this has a bit of a different feel altogether...
the highlighted moments throughout the read...
and ends with a comparison...
adds an add touch with the last 3 lines...

[A. Amos]

    it hit me like a sonic boom
    almost as if I were the sun
    and you were the moon

Last lines were simply amazing, good job

[Fire Mage Andrea]

It's interesting that you started this poem with "But". It makes me think that this may be a reply to something someone else has said.
The way you paint the images of the sun and moon and have them as female and male.
It's a pretty piece of poetry

[Frieda P]

Not often you read a poem that starts with 'but', but this one works, some really interesting imagery in this piece, kudos.

[Coyote Poetry]

'it hit me like a sonic boom
almost as if I were the sun
and you were the moon"
Thank you for the amazing poem. The above lines gave the poem a perfect ending.
Coyote

[ANM]

The transgression from day to night, sun to moon. one of natures wonders, an event captured wonderfully in your poem!

[ron]

Simply beautiful. I wanted to cry for you who had to watch.