These dark lines

What if depression manifested it self by creating dark lines on your skin?

These dark lines

They spread,

Like cracks upon porcelain skin

Divide me up into a thousand pieces

Black and twisting

My thoughts drive them further in

And what do they make me?

Like a vase that has cracked

Put together again with no glue

Arranged with its cracks showing?

Or do they divide me up

Ready to be cracked

Am I ready to drop, and shatter

Into predestinated bits

Or maybe they create spaces

On pale skin

Ready to be colored in

As I live my life in grey-scale

 

These dark lines

They tell of a story no one knows

Not fully

Maybe you know one piece of my puzzle

As lips locked tight with fear

Keep secrets

From friends

From family

From kith

From kin

Fear of what

 

Of being scorned,

Insulted,

Dismissed,

Told that the truth of my life

Pales compared to yours.

 

These dark lines

I hide with make up.

Paint happy smiles

On gloomy days,

Because of shame.

Inspired by society’s idea

That mental health,

Is just attention seeking?

That those who lose their battle

Against their body and mind

Are selfish.

 

These dark lines

Maybe if I draw upon them

With sharp objects.

Late at night

The ink will wash away.

My blackened blood and

Crushed mind.

Will flow down the drain

To a better place

 

These dark lines.

Maybe if I told someone

They might wash away

The imperfect concealer,

Glue back together my broken pieces,

Move me back from the edge

Where I stand, ready to fall

 

These dark lines.

Maybe if I told someone

They would wash the lines away,

Like pen marks drawn upon my skin

Help me add colour back

To those empty spaces

 

These dark lines

Maybe if I told someone

They might leave me be.

Go back to what I once was

Unmarked, beautiful.

But maybe they will leave white scars,

Just drain of colour.

A reminder of these days I have lived through

These days I have fought for

 

But…

My mind warns.

They could leave you,

As the lines push into places you cannot see.

Crawl underneath.

Till the only option is to succumb,

Let the disease wreak its havoc

 

These dark lines.

They grew slowly at first,

Encroaching on my skin.

Then

They infiltrated my mind,

Corrupting it

Took away motivation.

Hope, sometimes

Everything.

They are hard to reveal

As society hides those like us.

Those with these unwanted tattoos.

The ones that take more than money to get rid of

It takes willpower,

The very thing it steals.

 

These dark lines

That maybe someday I will be rid of