Two Journeys Collide

My Mary Kay journey takes flight as my journey of motherhood begins. The two dreams I had come to life and it is a struggle to believe both are possible and that I am capable.

     October 2015 I began my Mary Kay business. I did research, read the book and the dvd my kit came with. I had a hope that my future could be different from what I knew it was going to be. I didn't have any doubt and I could do anything I put my mind to. After a while I began to feel like I would never succeed but held on to the small possibility that I could. I knew that I had some things to work through but I put them aside and figured that the problems would fix themselves. But I was wrong. Then I got pregnant and that is when I started the spiral downward into a war I was destined to fight eventually.These problems weren't going to fix themselves and unattended they are getting worse. The more I fight it the more guilt I feel and the more I want to push it away. This war was between adulthood and childhood.  With this pregnancy progressing and my unborn child growing with no intentions of weakening( to my relief) reality hit me hard and I realized that mentally I was not where I needed to be for this child to have a decent mother. So I went back and forth deciding whether Mary Kay was a good fit for me( it is I just didn't like the idea of growing up) whether I was good enough to be a good mother and fighting everything within me, the pressure, anxiety, and fear of failure. But after this last 48 hours I have come to grips with reality and buckle up and do what I need to for this little baby inside me. After yesterday's appointment I am ready to be the mom this child deserves and I can let go of the life I missed out on to look forward to the life I have always dreamed with my precious little baby! I can be the mother that I always wanted to be. Getting pregnant has sent me on the roller-coaster of a lifetime but it is a good thing, this wrestling. I did the growing up I needed to, for my business and my family! 

     Self doubt has no place in this body or spirit anymore. This baby needs me to overcome my fears and make a life that he or she deserves to have! My goal was to be a director in a year, but now I think I need to slow down and just focus on having a steady income with a steady customer base. Get busy so I can quit my part time job and supplement it with Mary Kay, and have money for bills plus things for me and the baby to do when daddy is out working, or me even starting my dress shop! I know I have what it takes to run my own business I just need to kick my insecure self in the butt and do it. I can do this because God gave me what I need to do his will in my life.  Now I can combine these two loves of mine into one living breathing entity for my life! Mary Kay will give me flexibility yet provide a steady income for my family. Now more than ever getting over the fear is crucial to my ability to be a stay at home like I always wanted. Now I get to wash my face with this fabulous product and then introduce it to other people. I get to be an entrepreneur and be home to make the house a home for my husband and baby! My dream life can finally begin!  

Author's Note

This is not an official biography. This is just a journal style post for practice purposes. Helpful comments only if you don't mind as plain rude comments will not be tolerated. Advice is very welcome and will be noted for future reference! Thank you all for reading!