My Life As A Wife- Part 2 WIFE

As we grow up a woman's understanding of what it means to be a wife change and alter who we are as woman in general.

     Wife. That word is the future and dream of every girl on planet earth. As elementary students we dream of that cute brunette with deep blue eyes a year older than us playing ball with his friends in the field while we sit on the swing set sighing wishing he was next to us. Middle school brought odd changes to our body and the unusual desire to be more like a woman than we know what to do with. It also brought the desire to kiss that same elementary heart throb in our gym class, and math, and science ,and history. Every class a torch-er ceremony Gladiator style. High school is just a whole other level of crazy. The two things you want most is a perfect body and that young man on  your arms,and a A+ in Math Class of course. Growing up in love is confusing and heart breaking and the idea of what love is and what being a future MRS CHARMING changes with every year that passes. In my twenty-third year of life I have come to discover that what you feel growing up is merely what you learn about what love feels like, not so much what love is at the core. Being married nearly a year in one month I have realized that marriage and being a wife mean so much more than flowers, date night and intimacy.

     Staying home is a hard thing to do at first but as the weeks go by I become more obsessed with being a house wife because I love serving my husband. Not that laundry and nasty dishes are a party, but because it's who I am making proud and showing service to. I am not one to naturally just do dishes or laundry or even vacuum, but I want my husband to come home to a clean house so that we can spend more time in each other's arms and spending quality time together working on a project or watching a movie. Love can compel a woman to do things she didn't used to even if her distaste for them hasn't changed. I know because I am one of those women. I wouldn't trade this life for any other though no matter how fast the laundry and dishes pile up. Sure if I was still single I would be able to go back to Australia and be a missionary overseas like I want, but because I love my husband and want what is best for "us" I let it go and ask God to show me what I can do to serve both of them where I am. I was planted here at home and so God has decided that I belong here instead of overseas. I just have to trust that he knows that dishes, laundry and grocery shopping is what my job is right now. 

    In being a home body now I am learning that when the chores are done and I have nowhere to be I need to find something to do. For a while I spent hours watching t.v or sleeping sad that I was away from my husband and am the only married woman of all my high school friends. Now that I am discovering more of myself in this married woman I have gained more independence in who I am and what I like to do. Lately I have been experimenting with making delicious home made meals for my husband, not that he complains because he will eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as if it was a 5 star meal. But because he works really hard and is such an amazing man and I wish to bless him by seducing his appetite and spoiling his taste buds. He is exceedingly good to me in every way. Testing out what kind of food I can make gives me an outlet not only to bless him but also get me out of boredom and gives me something to work on. I also have taken to writing online. I take things that I like or want to explore and I seek out to do them because it's healthy for a marriage for the two individuals to find things on their own. This allows for each other to be okay with being separate for the things they enjoy instead of feeling like the other is trapped or lonely. Today I tried a new crock pot meal, mainly because I have been craving taco soup for over a week and crock pot meals typically last a few days saving us money.  My experimentation is his gain. I pretty much try to make it so that he wins as well as me. He like video games and I enjoy reading or writing so if it's his day off and he wants to play I usually come sit down at the computer and write till something makes sense or I read a book till I want to journal.

     In a way being alone at home without my husband can be a great way to sift through unsorted feelings and emotions that may otherwise become an overreaction. I have found that my thoughts wander to different places and with different emotions that being a full grown woman and wife can conger up. Being alone can either make it worse or make it better. Hello Insecurity. All women deal with this at some point in their life if not most of it. I have learned that there are two ways to deal with it and both are a choice. I know my husband like the back of my hand and when a doubtful thought about his character enters my mind I shove it to the garbage and forget about it because my husband is truly the gem of the earth. A rare gem worth more than my heart can pay. He has shown me what I need and want. My husband is worth the rest of my life of love and faith. And going back to all that my husband is I don't have to be insecure about anything.

     Learning how to be independent away from my husband is a growing process but it is actually like finding freedom. I know I am not expected to stick to my husband like plaster to a wall. I can go be with friends and do other things and be the girl I was before I met him, except very unavailable, which isn't all that bad. I should have a life outside of my husband and my husband should have a life outside of me. He has best friends he should be able to chill with playing games with and I should have friends to sit down for coffee or tea and talk about everything and nothing. Preserving who I am and who he is outside of marriage is one of the best things I can think of doing for our marriage and for each other besides picking my fights and learning to be a healthy married couple and serving God side by side. Marriage isn't easy and being alone isn't either but learning how to handle being lonely without being upset and instead being happy about it can take a large load of stress off the relationship and make things less tense and more romantic. That is the big lesson of the month for me. By the time my mom was married a year she was 8 months pregnant with me. I beat out my mom, and I am glad I did. She knows me better than anyone minus my husband. Ever since I was in middle school all I wanted was a baby and when I got married she looked at me and encouraged me to give my husband the first year of our marriage for just us and not have a baby. So far it's going well. I am glad that we aren't pregnant right now, granted I don't fancy waiting too much longer however. I get to learn and grow as an individual woman before becoming a mother. I am enjoying discovering what I enjoy doing and what I might want to do with my spare time.

      Am I saying that trying to spend all your spare time being alone or with friends. But learning how to be alone without making your lover upset or feel bad is a lifesaver. It has been a lifesaver for me and it's going to pay off later on when we have children and we are busy with life and our children and events that pull us apart for a few hours or even a few days. Many a happily married couple has shared that separation within reason is a healthy and beneficial activity for couples to last for years and years. For that I am okay with! Alone time doesn't have to be bad!