My Life As A Wife- Part 1 Conflict

Just another day in the life of a stay at home writer....

     August 6, 2013. This is a grand day in history. Why might you ask? Well because this is the day I became two people not one. I took part in a variation of a typical ritual most adults participate in at least once in their lives but unfortunately ends badly. I think you know what I am talking about. Marriage! That grand divine, if done right, arrangement of two people who promise to live for the other person till all else fades away. It is 10 months later and not much has changed. We still know what we want for each other and are die hards for the other being. You can ask anybody we know how much we love each other and they will tell you it is a sick obsessed love that won't go away. And they would be true. Though things get rough, as all marriages tend to do, we still maintain our attitude towards certain habits and preferences of the other person. I like to go to bed early and he enjoys video games, whereas I do not. So I am okay sleeping by myself at night so he can play games. Or I like to do girly things like watch sappy love stories, which is all I like to watch mostly, and if a girlfriend asks me to a movie then I can go and he can get together with his friends and hoot and haler about big, nasty, gross or otherwise just pure manly things. We have discovered a very important secret to a happy marriage even when it's rough. Slow to anger, abounding in love and learning what sacrifice in a partnership means. Love is looking into your husband's eyes and seeing the deep desire to play the new game you let him buy and not making him bad for wanting to play, and just let him be. It's learning to find other things to do so that there is mutual understanding between one another and avoiding conflict.

     Conflict. I think that would be an excellent discussion today. What I have learned most about marriage is the awful temptation for selfishness and within it the need to argue a point, silly as it is.I am not somebody who enjoys fighting so I avoid it like the plague. There hasn't been many, but there have been a few occasions where I have been tempted to yell and start a fight. I have been upset for a few things I wasn't keen on dealing with, but I think about how much I love my husband and how much I do not wish to hurt him. So I step back and sit alone for a bit so that I can think about the situation. I think about what it is that is bothering me and ask " Is it really that bad?" If it isn't going to cause any damage to our relationship or take away from it then I am keen on letting go and am not upset.If indeed I do not like it and find that it could harm us as a unit then I calm down and admit I don't appreciate that habit or whatever it is and hold him in my arms, give him a gentle kiss on the lips and cheek and calmly express what bothers me. He hates silence and when I don't tell him the truth, so I honor him by telling him the truth but I love him by doing so without harassing his character and instead protect it. He does the same for me. He listens to what I have to say and changes if the situation calls for it, but if he doesn't agree with how I see things he softly expresses how he feels and what he thinks is going on and then I see his perspective and change my attitude based on what was really going on as opposed to what I thought. Our goal everyday is to avoid fights and arguments. Everyone says that it's unhealthy, but is it really? Is it more worth it to make sure my voice is heard and validated over his feelings and opinion even if it's petty and ridiculous? Or is it better to look at a situation a little longer to ensure the other person has their truth out int he open too? Maybe every angle needs to be looked at and thought through, until a positive resolution is the conclusion and nobody had to endure pain or be attacked. In my opinion I don't care if I am a newly wed I think I've got it. I really do. I think that dealing with a negative neutrally concludes positively. I have seen what positivism does for my husband and he is growing even more as a man because I don't shoot him down instantly and I constantly build him up. Dr. Everson in his book Love and Respect talks about this. The most popular concept in the book is the Love Cycle. Without love she doesn't respect, without respect he doesn't love. It is genius and totally makes perfect sense. If I want my husband to adorn me with kisses and his love, then I need to respect him in any and every way I know how. I have learned that love and respect to a man mean the same thing. Showing you love him is respecting his authority. For example, I like to walk and bike ride. My husband Stephen doesn't feel comfortable with me doing so in the dark by myself. So even when I am at home alone and I want to ride my bike I don't because there are for one, good reasons to not go anywhere alone without a vehicle and two he is my husband and wants to know that when he is working he can have sound mind knowing that I am safe. He loves me, that's why he has asked me to stay out of the dark when I am alone. I honor him with my actions, in return I receive endless numbers of kisses and words of praise. Sounds worth saving an argument to me.