My Genesis.

My Genesis is about me. My autobiography of how I got to where I am today. It is a creative telling about this woman inside. I go into detail about what I felt growing up and how I dealt life.

     

     Before life makes sense it doesn't. I knew a girl who would die to know what that meant not that long ago. A girl who didn't enjoy the childhood of the kids at school. She wasn't invited to slumber parties, or parties of any kind. She was left alone on the playground because kids just didn't understand her. She was slightly bigger and shorter and not as smart either. When she was growing up that was kind of the thing. Be tiny and smart. I guess that still stands today it's just been a long time since I have attended school, thank goodness. 

     It was impossible to make friends and when she did they didn't hang out very long and ditched her often. 

"True friend" didn't fit in her vocabulary. "Outcast" was a commonly used word in her personal thoughts which trickled down to a journal because she didn't have anyone to tell. Nobody listened to her and nobody wanted to. Teachers didn't know what to do with her and kids didn't like her. School was a nightmare like you wouldn't believe. She always heard that if you are having problems at school you should speak to an adult. Well the girl quickly learned that you can but they won't do anything. Elementary school was bad but middle school got worse. 

     Middle school is Hell on Earth level 2. Seriously. Kids are meaner and much more vial.  Middle school reminded her that she wasn't pretty, or smart and that she would forever be a loner. Pain stuck to her heart like an irritating headache that refuses to leave no matter how strong a drug you take. Plagued by this monster illness in her mind she was trapped forever. She didn't have any true friends to talk to and nobody to defend her,so the enemy saw his chance and crept into her mind stealing it forever. Every second of everyday his voice reminded her of how unworthy she was to live, how ugly she was and how prone to fail she was always going to be.Middle school and into high school he built that tower wall higher and higher till nothing anyone ever said would reach her heart. A stone cold barrier had been crafted around her mind that was too thick for anyone person to penetrate, not even the voice of the Almighty God. Pretty powerful right? Depression set in and hate took flight round and around her tiny upstairs tower room. After a while she realized that the devil kept her locked up like a prisoner and later on told him all about it.

     Hopelessness began to eat this young teenage girl alive and her bones began to rot. Like an addict stuck in an addition deteriorating from the inside out so it was with this girl. Her diseased heart was killing her and almost did. Towards the end of high school it got so bad, failing school, tests, working hard endlessly , gaining weight, and no friends, and no vision of the future she was losing faith that anything good could happen to her. Death crossed her mind frequently and it only got worse after graduation. Sometimes there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think of taking her life.

Growing up she learned about God, a man so loving he sacrificed his son as a perfect offering for imperfection. She knew he lived because Mama always talked about him, was always praying to him and was always sending her and her siblings to him for answers and to talk about that hard stuff. From a young age she developed a habit of talking to him in her journals and that became her temple. The place where they met secretly to talk. She would cry and scream inwardly about how hurt and angry she was at the world and there he would listen and then pick up her mangled heart and glue it back together. She had a friend. A true friend who listened every time and validated her feelings and she began to deal with the pain a little easier. Talking to God helped her cope with the pain but the things he said about her, which were opposite of the enemy,didn't stick. She liked them and knew she liked them but she couldn't believe it. Her heart was frozen and incapable of receiving love. She knew God loved her and she saw the things he did to prove his love so she learned what fighting meant. She learned perseverance and has stuck to it all her life,no matter how difficult it gets.

     The last part of High school she began to see a bit of light and things were looking up. She also began attending a youth group. That year the church got a new high school pastor and she took to him. He wasn't like any adult leader she had met. He was kind and gentle and the more he talked with her the more he realized she was starving for spiritual nourishment. He taught her how to find it and he friendship with God became a love relationship. She talked and studied his love letter to her and saw how awesome he truly was. Senior year was cream of the crop and she found more hope than she had ever felt before. Eighteen was the year she understood that " Before life makes sense it doesn't." Life didn't get perfect but it got easier. She had survived childhood and entered into adulthood. That next road trip was equally hard but as all things have their difficultly it got better. 

     That will have to wait till next time. 

 

Reviews

[A. Amos]

This was poignant write, sorry to read you been through such a hell. Yes there is always a morning after dark cold night and your life start now. Imagination you are a writer and can help so many people who go through such a pain everday. Keep writing my friend and one day let your words spread the light of hope in the whole world!

[Ashley Camden]

Just a note. If no one guessed that girl is me.