Daylight

A description of me walking in the day.

My shoes crunch and crackle like nighttime fireworks
Spreading my arms, as I run across the bright plains
The sun caressed my face, like a mother to a child
Grass leans beneath me

The clouds wisp across the blue sea, spreading its white wings
The faces on the clouds communicate it all
Happiness, enjoyment, comfort, like a child jumping
The puffy siblings race across their parents
Eager to get to the sun first

Stumbling, my shoes come across a stream
A water bug soars across the blue blanket, getting its next meal
Bending my ankles, I see myself on the other side
Like a crystal clear mirror with waves
Up above flies a falcon
It's feathers glistening and blowing against the air

Trees watch over me
Their tall statues comforting me
Their hands filled with sunshine
Oh how the day is beautiful

Author's Note

I tried to fix the errors of my last poem, "Night Sky". Did it fix most of those errors, or are they still present? Are my verbs powerful, or not so? Did it still hold the amount of description?

Reviews

[briget_01]

You really hit the mark with this one! I noticed how you incorporated more similes and metaphors, and they definitely complement your writing. I was truly able to picture everything you detailed wrote about, I love it! Brightness and overall happy things are what I picture going along with this poem. You did a great job creating a whole separate happy world in your poem good job!!!

~cheers

[Ashley Arita]

Thank you so much! I did as much as I could to fix the errors. Glad they were noticed!

[SariahM]

[cassandra ziemba]

yes, you did amazing! quite beautiful! so descriptive, its perfect, in balance and feeling. i could not describe a day any better than you did in this poem.

[Ashley Arita]

Thank you so much! :)

[cassandra ziemba]

your welcome, anytime, and if you have anything you ever want me to reveiw just let me know and ill be more than happy to!