Lindsey sat in stunned silence, nervously chewing her bottom lip. Suddenly, she was much more aware of her surroundings. The texture of the painted brick in the school library suddenly seemed to jump out at her in a way she had never cared to notice before. The ceiling lights cast a pale glow over her best friend seated in front of her, looking just as profoundly apprehensive as she felt. She forced herself to look Thomas in his deep blue eyes she had never bothered to think about before. Gently clearing her throat, she mustered up the courage to be the first one to speak. “How long have you felt that way?” she asked, still in numb disbelief. She had never had any idea.
“You’d be surprised,” Thomas’ vague reply broke through her dazed thoughts, stirring a slight spark of irritability within her. Lindsey’s murky green eyes narrowed dangerously as they always did when she wasn’t happy.
“A specific time frame would have been more helpful, Thomas,” she snapped, her voice carrying the distinct notes of exasperation. With a slight chuckle that made Lindsey feel warm inside, Thomas grinned and sought to dampen her quick temper, which had always been a very dominant characteristic of Lindsey.
“Okay, okay. Since the middle of grade ten, at least that’s when I realized it,” he finished quietly, his voice trailing away almost to a whisper. Without thinking, Lindsey practically jumped out of her chair, or was it merely her mind feeling as though she should jump out of her chair? Thinking back on it later, Lindsey couldn’t be absolutely sure.
“That’s over two years!” she exclaimed with poorly contained incredulity. They were in their graduating year of high school. They had been best friends since ninth grade; two social outcasts who had found each other unexpectedly and formed an unbreakable bond between them. It had lasted, unwavering through thick and thin, good times and bad, they had always defended each other fiercely from the cruelty and ignorance of high school. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Lindsey asked softly, now tapping her unusually long, unpainted and neglected nails nervously on the table sitting in between the two of them. Thomas’ face took on a pained look and with a sigh as the young man ran his fingers through his shaggy light brown hair, he gave Lindsey a penetrating stare.
“I knew you weren’t interested. You like Emmett, remember?” he reminded her sullenly. Lindsey’s eyes widened in sudden realization. All the times she had talked with Thomas about how she felt about Emmett and all those times she had cried on his shoulder over Emmett suddenly seemed so tactless and insensitive now.
“I’m so sorry, Thomas. I had no idea, I really didn’t,” she tried to apologize. She had hurt her best friend for so many years and in turn, that hurt her. Thomas merely shook his head and waved it off with a small gesture of his hand as if to tell her to forget all about it. That was the thing about Thomas; he was always quick to forgive others and was always there even if you didn’t think so at the time, patiently waiting until you were ready to talk to him, but never really gone.
“You’re my best friend. I always want you to be able to talk to me, no matter what it is,” he told Lindsey simply, as a way to explain to her why he had never resented her for it. With a relieved smile, Lindsey nodded, feeling incredibly lucky to have him as her friend. However, there was still the matter of where to go from here. Either option they chose could end badly, but at the same time, either option could also work out wonderfully. It was a dangerous guessing game, one that could cost them their friendship if they chose incorrectly. Thomas seemed to know this too, because he had his arms crossed in front of him, looking down at the ground with a look of intense concentration on his face. Looking at him, that warm feeling she had felt when he had laughed in amusement at her temper only a few moments earlier washed over Lindsey once again.
Unexpectedly, she was suddenly struck with the realization that Thomas had always been open with her about how he felt. He had always been her unyielding wall of protection against the catty, self-absorbed girls who had tormented her for most of her school days. He had taken their insults towards him for being her friend, had endured their taunting and endless cruelty without so much as a whisper of complaint. All of this he had done in order to protect her. He had always forgiven her readily for all of her foolish mistakes and blunders, never holding a grudge or reminding her of them long after the argument was over. He had never cared about her being a nerd by social standards or her awkward and less than perfect appearance. Although Emmett showed a few of these qualities, she could not say the same about him for all of these solid attributes of Thomas.
“What?” Thomas demanded a little suspiciously. “I know that look. You’re scheming something,” he laughed as Lindsey grinned and threw her eraser at him, which he expertly ducked, far too used to her little spurts of playful indignation.
“I was just thinking… why don’t we give it a try?” she asked a little nervously. Not a single soul had ever expressed an interest in her before in all of her seventeen years on the planet. She had never bothered to think about it, had never considered it relevant or important. Now, she had this complicated situation thrust upon her without warning and she wasn’t quite sure of how one went about this kind of thing. Thomas gave her a quizzical look, but couldn’t hide the pleased expression showing through on his face.
“I’d like that. We’ve still got a lot to figure out though. What do you say to a dinner on Saturday? We don’t have to make anything official just yet. It’d be good to talk it over some more then first,” he told her wisely. Lindsey nodded enthusiastically. She had been thinking the very same thing. This wasn’t something to jump into blindly.
“Yeah, sounds great. If it’s too awkward or weird we can just forget the whole thing and stay friends… right?” she added uncertainly. Thomas laughed good naturedly and nodded.
“We’ll always be friends, Lindsey,” he told her matter-of-factly and both of them knew that it was true.
The harsh, startling hum of the school bell made both friends jump a little. Lunch was over already? It seemed those forty minutes had passed so quickly Lindsey could have missed the entire period if she had blinked. “Ready for philosophy class?” she asked with a smile. Thomas nodded enthusiastically, slinging his school bag over his shoulder.
“You bet,” he replied. They both loved philosophy class. “Come on, you can get your stuff out of my locker,” he said, making to walk out of the library into the bustling noisy hallway with Lindsey close behind, smoothing out her ever-fussy school uniform.
As she silently followed Thomas through the swirling sea of blue plaid kilts and navy sweater vests emblazoned with the school crest, she inwardly smiled to herself. Thomas was the kind of guy that made you feel incredibly lucky to have in your life. He was quite honestly the sweetest person Lindsey had ever known and had held that same opinion of him since ninth grade.
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