Just Breathe

They say in the end, everything will be okay,
But its not the end, and it wont be for years.

"Just Breathe", she says..

As she sits in front of her mirror, takes a deep breath, and begins to examine her broken life.
Questions fill her head, why am I still here?
Tears steadily fall down her face
Shes wishing she was living in a better place
This world is nothing as it seems
Reality has overcome all her dreams
She pretends to be someone shes not
She hides, shes become afraid.
Alone, left with nothing, shes done a good job shutting everyone and everything out of her life
Every second of every day, they tried to help, because they actually cared
But she wouldn't let them, she didn't need the help anyways
The drugs and alcohol quickly took over her life
they were the only things that kept her going, the only things that kept her happy
how?
they eased the pain that crept throughout her body
they made her forget of all the bad things going on
And when she's sober, you question?
Shes not. She cant be. Shes become too addicted
Her bodies shutting down, shes getting weak.
Giving up completely, shes lost hope in absolutely everything.
shes done trying, trying to change.
Without a doubt, she's lost.
She's been through it all too many times.
They try to make sense of why she's doing this.
But they can't figure it out, they don't understand.
Not now, not ever will they know.
She's clearly a mess, broken into pieces that can't be put back together.
She see's her life flashing before her eyes.
Is this the end? Is it my time to go?
Will everything be okay?

"Just breathe",
Tomorrow will be a better day

Author's Note

What can I change to make this piece of writing stronger? showing more emotion?

Reviews

[Jamie S.]

Maybe try specifically putting some of those dreams of hers out there. Thats the only thing I can think of...it was hard to find anything this is a very emotional and powerful write. We all have either gone through it or are close to someone who has. Reminds me of the song Breath by Ana nalic. Nice to meet you :)

[Michael X]

what can you change? well, for starters, delete and start over, erase the common cliches, concentrate on the essense of the meaning, don't rush the intention. the fundamentals, how you identify with the meaning, as it is right now, brilliant. so i'm not sure how much better you want to go, i loved it.

[Noelle Hoffman]

WOW.....really that was so brilliant, the words flew right at me and I honestly have to say, WONDERFUL. I have never been in any situtation like this before but I could see she felt pain. GREAT JOB!!

[Zane Mathias]

Good one here~ maybe work on the flow but the meaning and the emotions that come flowing from this are emence! great write. B.P.

[ALifeAquatic]

Stylisitically brilliant! Really enjoyed this, it has definitely left me wanting to read more! As it has been said before it flows very well and the word choice is very articulate!

Of course it isn't with it's faults, I'm not keen on the questions in bold, but that is more personal than anything else! I think if you cut the wordage from them ie, "how?" rather than, "but how, you ask?" the impact would become greater! But thats me being me!

Can't wait to read more, really liked this!

AHouseOfChambers

[sheila russ]

I like this it could be anyone's story in a life of chance. You brought this one home, I know a lot of people in this situation and you really did a good job telling the story. So many good people end up like this that's why I say this could be anyone's story. Good Job!

[mystic soul]

beautiful poem........ so nicely you have showed feelings of this girl.. the choice of words, rhythm, flow... everything about this poem seems to be perfect.. i really enjoyed this one.. great work!!!

[Nix]

Hey, I like it! Anything deep and meaningful captures me and It certainly makes you appreciate your own wellbeing and good health. My favourite part is the last few lines, it sums it up nicely. :) Thanks for sharing. ~ Nix