Just Breathe

They say in the end, everything will be okay,
But its not the end, and it wont be for years.

"Just Breathe", she says..

As she sits in front of her mirror, takes a deep breath, and begins to examine her broken life.
Questions fill her head, why am I still here?
Tears steadily fall down her face
Shes wishing she was living in a better place
This world is nothing as it seems
Reality has overcome all her dreams
She pretends to be someone shes not
She hides, shes become afraid.
Alone, left with nothing, shes done a good job shutting everyone and everything out of her life
Every second of every day, they tried to help, because they actually cared
But she wouldn't let them, she didn't need the help anyways
The drugs and alcohol quickly took over her life
they were the only things that kept her going, the only things that kept her happy
how?
they eased the pain that crept throughout her body
they made her forget of all the bad things going on
And when she's sober, you question?
Shes not. She cant be. Shes become too addicted
Her bodies shutting down, shes getting weak.
Giving up completely, shes lost hope in absolutely everything.
shes done trying, trying to change.
Without a doubt, she's lost.
She's been through it all too many times.
They try to make sense of why she's doing this.
But they can't figure it out, they don't understand.
Not now, not ever will they know.
She's clearly a mess, broken into pieces that can't be put back together.
She see's her life flashing before her eyes.
Is this the end? Is it my time to go?
Will everything be okay?

"Just breathe",
Tomorrow will be a better day

Author's Note

What can I change to make this piece of writing stronger? showing more emotion?

Reviews

[Jamie S.]

Maybe try specifically putting some of those dreams of hers out there. Thats the only thing I can think of...it was hard to find anything this is a very emotional and powerful write. We all have either gone through it or are close to someone who has. Reminds me of the song Breath by Ana nalic. Nice to meet you :)

[A.Lee]

I honestly don't think you need to change a think. I loved it. It contained a lot of emotion and I can feel her pain, especially as a woman who's felt that way time and time again. Very good piece of work.

[Silere]

I hear this saying so often.. Everything will be okay in the end...and every time I say... yes, but I don't want to wait till the end and why should I have to? There's a lot of emotion within your words already.. despair.. weakness.. and believe it or not.. strength. Despair from the past.. weakness from the present and strength for tomorrow. It's only through learning to use that strength that we can change it to reflection of the past.. courage for the present and hope for tomorrow... I just wish it was as easy as just writing these words.. we all know it's not. I would not change anything as your words are powerful as it stands.. so much emotion already held within.. Keep writing from your heart.. and Thank you for sharing!

[ebur™]

Very expressive and carried out very well. I love your intro and your ending, and the middle pieced it all together in a great description. I think this is already perfect and well done. Great job :)

[O...o]

this was perfect! really well expressed and i luv the ending!

[EylonBear]

this is good i like it lots of description of the setting lots of emotion. i think it depends on what you wanted that would make it stronger. if you want to make it into a short story i'd say you could go more indepth to the character herself. also the reason behind what's happening.

[RAWR!]

i think this was interesting.
somehow i find it a little bit weak, im not sure why, perhaps it is because i dont see/understand the reasoning properly. some things you could think about are:

''The drugs and alcohol quickly took over her life...
..they made her forget of all the bad things going on'

'all the bad things going on' - feels a bit weak.
do you understand what i mean?

'Shes become too addicted'
how addicted?

'Without a doubt, she's lost.'
how lost?


sorry if im unclear, i dont really mean you should change the poem you haev written but rather think about it next time you write a poem.
and this is really personally a opinion not really fact. so if you disagree with me, then thats cool.
its a cool story/poem, it reminded me to just keep breathing. ^_^
thanks for the addy

[Alicante lullaby]

i loved how you conveyed her feelings,doesn't need any changes,it is already very powerful,it is very passionate write,i liked the jumbled,prose like style you used,perhaps a bit of comparisons,like compare her weak state to death or cold or numb,i liked it,good

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Taking it one day at a time is crucial when putting a life back together, especially dealing with drug or alcohol abuse... don't know if this is true but you did wonderfully in showing such great conflict and mixed emotions of one who fights addiction.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Angela summed this up perfectly.
It is perfect as it stands. If you change '
anything you will run the risk of losing an
important part.
Try not to improve on perfection.

Rate------ 100 %

-----Eagle Cruagh

[deeps]

I like this I agree with Jamie on this You did an amazing job writing this don't get me wrong.
Reads very well. Wonderful write.