Butterflies

REVIEWS!!!! Please? (:

He could smell her rose scented perfume upon awakening, before his eyes even opened. They had spent the night on the beach, and he could hear the waves rolling thunderously and crashing into the shoreline. Her hands were soft as she laced her fingers between his, and he could taste the sea salt on her lips as they met his. With his eyes still closed, he pulled her closer into him. Her frame was slender, and sometimes she seemed almost fragile, a frail body clinging to him for protection. Every time he felt this way, he silently vowed to always look after her, his one true love. He buried his face in her shoulder as the waves tickled their feet teasingly, and she finally spoke to him.

“Good morning. Did you rest well?”

She gently brushed the hair out of his eyes, which were still closed.

“Good morning, love. I have never slept more soundly. Did you fare the same?”

“Not really. I worry so much about you these days.”

It made him smile thinking of the one he protected worrying about him. They worried about each other, and that’s what made them work.

“Why so worried? Have I done something that upsets you?”

“Of course not.  It just seems you are rather melancholy these days. I miss your smile, dear.”

            With his eyes still closed, he kissed her cheek gently, and she pulled away from him a bit. Though his eyes still remained closed, the intensity of her gaze toward him pierced through his blindness, and he was truly able to feel her concern. He had been rather sad lately, but laying with her now he failed to remember why that was. Regardless, he found the answer to that question in his reply to her:

I’ve missed you, angel. Where have you been?”

            Her body seemed to be lightening, though he could still feel her in his arms.

“I am always with you,” she replied. “Open your eyes for a moment and look at me, dear.”

            Holding onto her a bit tighter now, he opened his eyes for the first time that morning, blinking rapidly to adjust to the sunlight. He saw her slender waist beneath his hand and followed her body with his eyes until they met hers. She easily held his gaze. He remembered hers was almost hypnotic.

He blinked and it began to snow. It fell so heavily and quickly that he could no longer see the ocean. Until now, they had forgotten it was winter.  This area was never likely to get much snow. After a few moments of laughter at the oddity, he noticed countless white butterflies hanging in the air with all of the large snowflakes. Confused and awestruck, he took her by the hands and kissed her.

“I thought they left for the winter?” he said quietly. She smiled at him.

“No, darling, we never leave. But night is the only time we fly.”

            He laughed aloud again, still amazed, but his smile faded quickly upon realizing she had included herself with her statement.

            Truly, he missed watching her fly.

            Her body felt almost nonexistent in his arms now. She was fading, and he did not want it to be so. Immediately recognizing his confusion and unhappiness, she spoke calmly to him one last time:

“Listen to me: I love you still, and that will never change. Don’t give up on me.”

            A single tear fell from her striking green eyes, and he moved closer to kiss away her pain. As his lips touched her face, he whispered, “Never. I love you always,” and then she was gone.

Filled with remorse, his body began to ache with a cold emptiness. Though he was not comforted in the slightest by his strangely peaceful surroundings, he could not help but to admire the butterflies, and the way they blended with snow. He found one among them particularly lovely. It was the purest of whites, with sparkling green flecks on its wings. It rested softly on his hand now, and a soothing voice in his ear whispered, “You will never be alone.” The voice was hers.

When he awakened, he found himself in their bedroom alone. Her framed picture resided on the nightstand next to a single dried rose from their last night together. Resting gently on her pillow was a small, white butterfly with green flecks on her wings, and he smiled knowingly. The butterfly kissed his cheek as it passed him, then fluttered out the window towards the sky.

 

Author's Note

REVIEWS PLEASE! I have edited a great deal and may continue to do so.

Reviews

[Sicole Nender]

This is a really interesting concept, of the butterfly. I think that although the butterfly is obviously metaphorical, based on what you've written, its difficult for me to infer exactly what the metaphor is. So I think you can expand more on butterflies. Maybe I'm just not reading into it the way I should be. I think you have a wonderful writing style and it made this piece a pleasure to read, even though I personally don't usually like romantic stories. I could really relate to your character, even though his situation to me is totally unrelatable.

[Coyote Poetry]

No weakness in this poem. I like the way you told the story. Slow and easy pace allow the reader to feel the tenderness. I like the surprise ending. Thank you for the excellent story.
Coyote

[Marie]

I don't know what you need to edit here. The story can stand as is. I might make one suggestion: "He remembered now that hers was amost hynotic. Her body, however, felt almost nonexistent in his arms now." You used two "almosts" close together. Another wording might sound better.