"I Remember" Assignment

Written for an assignment for my Creative Writing course.

I remember white walls lined with lockers. They had doors that looked like cages, and everything was white.

I remember doors that only opened easily from one direction, and finding several ways to unlock them when needed.

I remember cluttered space. I remember chairs, stands, posters, a podium, papers, and people.

I remember being diagnosed with asthma, and fearing I would never achieve my full potential because of it.

I remember first entering the room and feeling like a stranger.

I remember timidity. I remember wanting to be good enough, and working hard to be so.

I remember noise. I remember each individual instrumentalist playing his or her own melody, very loudly and all at once.

I remember laughter. 

I remember the disarray before performances. I remember hat boxes and garment bags, black socks and uniforms.

I remember the raised baton, and the calm before the storm. I remember the flick of a wrist, and an entire room taking an audible breath at exactly the same time.

I remember music.          

I remember John Phillip Sousa and Frank Ticheli.

I remember “An American Elegy.” I remember playing it with genuine, raw emotion. I remember being moved to tears as I discovered what it meant to be a musician.

I remember being applauded for making a loud mistake.

I remember trial and error. I remember frustration and doubt as I questioned whether this was all the talent I had.

I remember working three times as hard as everyone else in the room just to be heard

I remember conversation. I remember my director telling me he also struggled with asthma, and I remember the moment I realized I could never let it stop me.

I remember it as the only room in the whole building that ever mattered to me at all.

I remember it as home.

I remember a hidden hallway, and the time I spent in practice rooms.

I remember an old piano, and the first time I sat down to play. I remember hours upon hours in the years following spent at that same piano, teaching myself.

I remember hiding from reality. I remember shaking violently from holding in tears, almost too badly to press the piano keys. I remember soft melodies and every note played with fragile confidence. I remember tears escaping my eyes as I slowly began to stop shaking. I remember peace.

I remember success. I remember feeling good enough. I remember leading others to never give up on themselves or each other.

I remember pride, and I remember undying passion.

I remember the silence on my last day in the room. I remember the way my footsteps echoed on the cold, ceramic floor. I remember cleaning out my locker, and the sadness in knowing it was all over. I remember nostalgia.

I remember leaving the room for the last time feeling as if part of me would always remain there.

I remember a cap, gown and trombone, and I remember looking back on four years of identifying with one white room.

I remember honestly knowing I had accomplished each and every initial goal, and that I had never let anything stop me.

Author's Note

REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED (: