Candles Under Stars

I just wrote this -7/20/11-

Light a candle,

think of me:

A broken heart,

a remedy.

Open your eyes,

remember then

our timing, and

what could have been.

Quick to feel this,

slow to fall,

still you stood

outside my wall.

Feel your heartbeat,

determined and strong.

Show me this love:

You've tried for so long...

 

See the stars,

think of you:

The words you've never said

are true.

Slowly, slowly,

one by one,

the battles I have faced

are won.

Fear in my eyes:

Is it real?

Love I've never

tried to feel.

Take your hand,

breathe in, breathe out.

This is what true love

is about.

Author's Note

Feedback, as always, is appreciated immensely

Reviews

[Stonewall]

Hey, I really like this, the flow is incredible, but you drop out of it in a couple of places: 'remember then our timing' (remember then our time), 'you've tried for so long' (you've tried so long), 'this is what true love is about' (this is what true love's about). Nothing wrong with these ideas, just the bits that pulled me from the rhythm with suggestions in brackets (so rude of me I know).

Favourite lines hands down are "Slowly, slowly, one by one, the battles I have faced are won." Despite the success, it somehow seems sad... dunno, just like it.

Great write.

[nicolo]

You really make such sweet poems. I like the unique construction of this poem. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the way you wrote the poem. A candle to remember someone and to look at the stars to remember a better time. Real love will be rare and when you find it. Hold on tight.
"Feel your heartbeat,
determined and strong.
Show me this love:
You've tried for so long..."
Thank you for a outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Elephants & Coyotes]

How lovely...
A story told so beautifully and quaintly.
Very nice flow/rhythm, however, watch out for a couple of bits where it drops, slightly.
Nice piece!