Distractions

Tried something different to write, hope you all like it.

More I try to avoid, more it attracts

More I try to rise up, more it drags

More I want to hide, more easily it finds

More I want to be alone; more it follows me like a drone

 

Morning or night, evening or noon

For students it is a ban not a boon

It feeds us like a fluid medicine in a spoon

And then it will become a disease soon.

 

It depends on us, how we control

It depends on us whether we take it as lesson or a troll

It depends on us whether we will shoot a goal or have a foul

It depends completely upon us,

To get out of the black box or continue our hollow growl

 

In my eyes there are tons of dreams

I will work hard to make my dreams gleam

No matter how hard it may seem

My mission is to win the battle against it and it is the theme

These are the nightmares of our day-dreams which causes affections

Our enemy in this ceaseless war is non other than our own "Distractions"

 

Author's Note

Well, you know about this, this is something which each teen, adult, young boys and girls should consider. It is spreading like poison in our world. Don't depend too much on social media as that is a virtual world. We have our own real world and try to enjoy it.

Corrections and suggestions are always welcomed.

Reviews

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jac..]

I enjoyed the subject of this, it's a completely honest examination of how things are today. The opening and closing stanzas are particularly strong, and overall this spreads a provoking message. People can become so lost in social media they neglect the world and people around them, sometimes to an extreme extent. Thank you for sharing, this is a good write.

[Ashish]

Thank you jack for reading and reviewing this piece :)

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jack Peaslee)]

You're welcome!

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

I really liked what you were saying here, with the obsession of social media and the dependency of it that people have. However, I think it works better if you don't outright say what you're talking about, the enigma of the poem is a lot more interesting, especially since some of your stanzas are beautiful, so I would consider either removing the last stanza entirely or rewording it so that the final line has a proper punch to it; though it's entirely up to you!

I really liked the repetition at the beginning of your stanzas, it really helped to deliver that monotone feeling of social media.
Keep up the good work! :)

[Ashish]

Thanks for giving valuable feedback :)
Have a look again, I tried to change it.
But still I think, you are right, the punch is still missing...

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

Hey! You're very welcome, I'm glad I could help! :) I think perhaps reword the final line to something like: "Our enemy in this ceaseless war is none other than our own 'distractions'' Though, I personally feel that distractions doesn't need to be in speech marks. Also, the second line in the last stanza could do with a little polishing. Consider something like: "My dreams will gleam..." then carry on the description afterwards. These aren't major changes and they're suggestions rather than instructions :)

[Ashish]

Thanks a lot for helping me... :)

[Anindita Janhabee]

Just agreed like anything........
100 per cent agreed with the theme and the words you use here.....
distractions.... well there are many other things which can be called distractions. But having the virtual world as distraction from real life is just unexpected.... using such stuff for fun and time limited is okay but exceeding use of that should be avoided.......
again a wonderful theme u bring to your poem.........
i like this one....

[Ashish]

Thank you for reading this ani.. :)

[Anindita Janhabee]

my pleasure as usual...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Sometimes distractions are good.. But we should excercise on not getting them over our heads.. I like how you present the present day situation you describe...

[Ashish]

Thank you for reviewing
I agree with your opinion :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You are welcome ☺

[Swati Nayak]

we all have a goal in life and for achieving it we work hard that is we progress on a track that leads to our goal however distractions take us away from it and far from it ,and it becomes late when we realise.
all distractions are attractive indeed....very relaxing that our own duties and obligations appear worthless........this is dangerous and detrimental.
What you wrote is what all students are facing nowadays.Thanks for sharing it .

[Ashish]

Yup, it is an important matter which should be concerned, and parents are ignoring it..they are taking it as fashion.
It should be understood that social media has its fair share of merits and demerits