Distractions

Tried something different to write, hope you all like it.

More I try to avoid, more it attracts

More I try to rise up, more it drags

More I want to hide, more easily it finds

More I want to be alone; more it follows me like a drone

 

Morning or night, evening or noon

For students it is a ban not a boon

It feeds us like a fluid medicine in a spoon

And then it will become a disease soon.

 

It depends on us, how we control

It depends on us whether we take it as lesson or a troll

It depends on us whether we will shoot a goal or have a foul

It depends completely upon us,

To get out of the black box or continue our hollow growl

 

In my eyes there are tons of dreams

I will work hard to make my dreams gleam

No matter how hard it may seem

My mission is to win the battle against it and it is the theme

These are the nightmares of our day-dreams which causes affections

Our enemy in this ceaseless war is non other than our own "Distractions"

 

Author's Note

Well, you know about this, this is something which each teen, adult, young boys and girls should consider. It is spreading like poison in our world. Don't depend too much on social media as that is a virtual world. We have our own real world and try to enjoy it.

Corrections and suggestions are always welcomed.

Reviews

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jac..]

I enjoyed the subject of this, it's a completely honest examination of how things are today. The opening and closing stanzas are particularly strong, and overall this spreads a provoking message. People can become so lost in social media they neglect the world and people around them, sometimes to an extreme extent. Thank you for sharing, this is a good write.

[Ashish]

Thank you jack for reading and reviewing this piece :)

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jack Peaslee)]

You're welcome!

[matrixmark]

This piece was great - I am very anti social media myself and you wont find me tweeting or on any FB page. Its a shame that so many people think that Social media has to be the be all and end all of their world - whatever happened to conversations.

You beautifully expressed the poison which has spread throughout the world. I get that people like it but what I dont get is how a lot come to literally rely on it. It's just an opnion of mine - it's not right or wrong....just an opinion.

Good work with this piece - well worded.

Mark.

[Ashish]

Thanks a lot mark for reading and reviewing this piece :)

[Tazeen Ahmed]

A very honest set of rhyming sentences...
Could relate well!
And it points greatly to the unrestricted use of Internet...
Completely agree with your suggestions though it's not an easy task to avoid it!
Recently, my brother just struck his phone on the floor and now he's well prepared for his exams :)
I would say- convincing and powerful lines!
Hats off to your imagination!!

[Tazeen Ahmed]

It really makes me read again and again ...The first I read made me smile for the good humor and the other times it made me think about the seriousness of it!
Thank you for sharing...

[Ashish]

Hey, thanks for reviewing this and expressing your opinion. These are also like diseases.
read moreHey, thanks for reviewing this and expressing your opinion. These are also like diseases.

I am glad you feel the same what I wanted from my readers :)

[Tazeen Ahmed]

I completely agree
And it's a kind of addictive disease

[Adam Adams]

interesting! nicely rhymed. the rhythmic pattern along-with the depth of your choosen thoughts's quite intriguing. liked the point you raised here around 'bout "depression" as well. & do agree with you on this. it's certainly spreading like a smack o' smack today's homie youth takin' to get stressed out.

ps. social media itself seemed to be one of the major causes' to depression. i happen to know, the more you are addicted to internet, the more you get depressed. even some researches also proved it so right.

kinda nice imagery here you portrayed in the paradoxial zone of your rhythmic words. well written!

[Ashish]

I am also a sick of this disease, and most of the youth in the world.
It has its own merits & demerits..

Thank you for reviewing this piece

[S. Meijin]

A message that's well delivered and with the use of good rhythm. Nice work.

[Ashish]

Thank you for reading this it will encourage me :)

[Paul Bell]

Nothing worse than studying and the party next door is getting louder.

[Ashish]

Ha-ha I completely agree with you..

[...]

Nicely done...like you're stating a truth but its completely conviction filled! I think your closing stanza is brilliant. Good stuff. Starz x

[Ashish]

Thank you for reviewing this :)

[Akansha]

This is one severe problem most of us deal with, it's great to see someone writing about this topic so truthfully.

[Ashish]

Thank you for reading this piece :)

[Nitin]

simplicity at its best............

[Ashish]

Thank you :)

[barleygirl]

When I was your age, distractions were indeed a curse. As I first started technical writing to make my living, 8 to 10 hours per day, the hardest part was to stay concentrated on a piece of work for hours at a time. It was damn hard to sit still & focus. I think overcoming this urge to distraction is the hardest, but most valuable thing I ever learned in my life. Today's youth have it much worse, becuz there are phones & many social media outlets, etc. to distract. I've never had a cell phone in my 60 years of life becuz I don't want to have something that demands my attention. Your message is spot on about life.

Here are a few awkward phrases . . .
stanza 3: "It depends on us that . . . " (in several places) doesn't sound right. Here are some possibilities . . .
line1 . . . delete "that"
lines 2 & 3 . . . use "whether" instead of "that"

Another awkward spot: stanza 4 / line 2 . . .
"to remain deem" sounds wrong to me . . .
try: "I will work hard to make my dreams gleam"
or: "I will work hard not to let my dreams scream"

[Ashish]

Yaah! the distractions have become more powerful.
60 years without mobile phone!!! I can't even think of that. But that dedication is needed if you want to do something in life.

Thanks a lot for guiding maam!
Honestly speaking getting a review from you is an honor for me... :)
I have done the changes and I feel it better than before.
Thank you again...

[barleygirl]

What a difference a few changes can make sometimes! Thanks for taking my suggestions! (((HUGS)))

[Ashish]

My honor ma'am! (((HUGS)))

[tanmay7551]

Great! This one hear reminds me of my younger self. Hope I am not the target here! :) It was very tough for me to concentrate and I just wandered how others use to do it...So restless and always distracted day-dreaming, missing friends and play!

Very sweet!

[Ashish]

I am also sick of this buddy..
And I am writing this
How funny that was :D

read moreI am also sick of this buddy..
And I am writing this
How funny that was :D

Btw thanks for reading ;)